


Subdued Sunshine

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-31
Updated: 2003-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:56:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 62,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian and Justin meet under entirely different circumstances. First story in the Sunshine series.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

There was a beauty to the boy that Brian couldn’t even begin to describe. The perfect combination of aesthetic beauty an innocence that only the young ever possessed. And only a few continued to allow that part of themselves to exist past the age of five. Yet even in the dismal setting of Babylon’s back room there was an innocence to the young man Brian couldn’t ignore. It was hidden under a great deal of pain, but Brian could still see it. 

“You little fuck!” 

So the very thought of someone damaging that innocence made Brian’s rage explode. He had never been one to get in the middle of conflicts that had nothing to do with him, but Brian couldn’t stop himself from reacting. Pushing the trick away from his dick, Brian straightened his pants and stalked in the direction of the prick who was busy smacking around the boy that had caught Brian’s attention only a few moments before. 

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” the prick demanded, punching the boy in the stomach. When the teen fell to his knees, he was dealt a solid blow to the side of the head. 

When he saw the boy drop onto his elbows, Brian sped up, instinctively knowing that his ribs would be under assault next. Even from a distance he could tell that the prick’s boots were steel toed. 

The prick managed to get two kicks in before Brian reached him and shoved him to the ground. His tormentor gone, the boy dropped to his side, clutching at his damaged ribs. Brian ignored him for the moment, turning his full attention onto the prick. 

“Don’t mess with what’s mine, Kinney. You won’t like the consequences,” the prick hissed, stalking towards Brian with a dark glare twisting his features. 

“I’ll do what I want,” Brian growled, not backing down. “So either get the fuck out of here or I’ll go get one of the two big men standing guard at the doors. I’m sure they’d enjoy showing you what it’s like to be picked on by someone bigger than you.” 

The prick glowered at Brian and stalked towards the exit, but not before growling, “You’ll get yours,” at the prone boy on the floor. 

In all of this, no one had looked up from their fucking. No one except for the trick Brian had discarded and he seemed more annoyed than anything else. 

“Now that you’ve done your good deed for the day, can we get back to fucking?” the trick demanded, opening the fly of his jeans. 

Brian rolled his eyes. “Go find some little twink on the dance floor. You bore me.” 

The trick was livid, but Brian could have cared less. He was already kneeling next to the boy, trying not to think about just what was on the floor. Not sure whether there was any further damage hidden under the faded orange jersey the kid was wearing, Brian tentatively placed a hand on his shoulder. The kid reacted automatically, crying out and curling in on himself. 

“It’s all right,” Brian sad softly, amazed with himself for his own patience. “The prick’s gone. You’re all right now.” 

Very slowly, the boy began to uncurl himself from his earlier defensive posture. Keeping on arm about his middle, he first pushed himself onto his elbow then into a seated position. His eyes, however, remained lowered at all times, his gaze never leaving the ground. 

“Thanks,” the kid mumbled quietly, shifting his body slightly to alleviate some of the pain. “I’ve um... I’ve got to go. Find him.... Tell him I’m sorry and that I won’t mess up again. He doesn’t want to hurt me but I keep doing stupid things.... Can you help... can you help me up? I have to go find him before he leaves without me.” 

All that Brian could do was stare at the kid in shock. The kid was nearly messed up if he thought he had to apologize to the guy who beat the shit out of him. 

“You’re not going anywhere near that asshole,” Brian found himself saying. “He’s only going to smack you around again.” 

The kid turned his haunted blue eyes on Brian, tears causing them to shine in the gloom of the back room. “He doesn’t do it on purpose. I did something stupid and he got mad. It really was my fault. I shouldn’t have done it. And besides, I have nowhere else to go. If I don’t go with him I’ll end up on the street.” 

Carefully, Brian helped the kid to his feet. “Why don’t you go home? I know parents suck but they’ve got to be better than this.” 

Even standing, the kid seemed to curl in on himself. He hugged his arms to his chest, his eyes constantly scanning his surroundings. “I can’t go home. My parents disowned me when they found out... you know. So just let me go. I have to go with him. All my-- shit! My bag!” 

In that instant, Brian saw the kid come to life for the first time that night. His eyes were wild as he scanned the back room, searching for his elusive bag. Catching sight of a back pack on the ground near a pair fucking on a couch, Brian went over and picked it up. He was curious about what was so important about the bag, but didn’t look. 

“This it?” he asked, holding the back pack up for the teen to see. 

The relief that flooded the kid’s features was a positive answer. He was at Brian’s side in an instant, gratefully accepting the well worn back pack. The kid ripped it open right away and began sifting through the contents. He must have found what he was looking for because he let out a loud sigh and hugged the bag to his chest. 

“Hey, Todd. How’s it going?” 

Brian didn’t turn his gaze away from the relieved teen as Michael came to stand beside him. His attention was focused mostly on the kid so he listened with only half an ear as Michael demanded they leave. He waved Michael off with the promise that he would be there soon. That he had some business to take care of then he’d be outside to join them. 

“This better not take long,” Michael grumbled as he made his way out of the back room. “You may get Saturday’s off but some of us have to go to work in the morning.” 

The kid was pulling on his back pack, his eyes scanning the dim room for an exit. For reasons that he could even comprehend, Brian wasn’t willing to get the kid disappear into the night. It was a death sentence. At the very least he wanted to make sure that the kid was physically all right. 

“Come on, kid. Let’s go,” Brian said, nodding in the direction of the door. 

The panic was back full force in an instant. “G-g-go... go where?” 

“To the hospital,” Brian said calmly. “Those kicks to your ribs weren’t exactly love taps. You need to have a doctor take a look at you.” 

“But I can’t pay for a doctor,” he protested. 

“Don’t worry about it, kid. I’ll take care of it,” Brian assured him. “Do you think you could tell me your name, though, so I don’t have to keep calling you ‘kid.’” 

The kid hesitated for a moment, his gaze returning to the floor once again. “My name... my name’s Justin.” 

“Well I’m Brian. So let’s get the fuck out of here,” Brian said, gesturing towards the exit. 

Keeping his eyes locked on the floor, Justin all but ran from the back room. He wasn’t running away. That much Brian knew. It was incredibly obvious that the kid didn’t belong in the back room. It wasn’t for a lot of people. This kid looked more out of place than anyone else Brian had ever seen in the back room. 

To make sure that the kid didn’t try to disappear in the crowd, Brian latched onto the front of his shirt, pulling him along. He felt Justin tense at the possessive gesture and instead opted for winding an arm around Justin’s slender waist. That seemed to do the trick because Justin relaxed almost immediately, his body practically molding against Brian’s. 

As soon as they stepped out of Babylon, Michael made a bee line right for them. “That was quick.” 

“Well when you’ve had enough practice as he’s had....” Ted started in, but stopped as soon as he caught sight of Justin who was pressed even tighter to Brian’s side. 

“Feeling envious, are we?” Brian shot back, maintaining the cool front that they all expected from him. “Now why don’t you boys run along home. I’ve got some business to take care of.” 

“You’re our ride, Brian,” Michael reminded him. 

“Look, I can just go....” Justin mumbled, already beginning to duck away from Brian. 

Brian tightened his grip on Justin’s waist, holding him still against his side. “No, you’re staying with me. They’re the ones going somewhere else. Go on and get in the jeep.” 

Justin had taken his bottom lip between his teeth as he looked up at Brian, nervously seeking approval. Brian gave him a reassuring smile and nodded in the direction of the jeep. He saw Justin hesitate again before he moved away from him and towards the vehicle. 

“Brian, what the fuck are you doing?” Michael hissed, waving a hand in Justin’s direction. “You can’t seriously be thinking of taking that kid home with you.” 

“Whether I am or not is none of your business, Mikey,” Brian shot back, adding a bored expression in for good measure. 

“But--” 

Brian pinched Michael’s lips shut with his thumb and index finger, silencing his protests. “No buts. Okay, his butt will be involved, but not yours. So why don’t the three of you run along and leave me to my business.” 

With that, Brian left his friends standing on the sidewalk and headed to the driver’s side of his jeep. Justin was already huddled on the passenger side, his eyes trained on his lap. He flinched visibly when Brian sat down next to him, but relaxed when the ad exec made no move to touch him. Brian shot him a quick smile as he put the key in the ignition and started the jeep’s engine. 

“Hey! Hey! What about us?” Emmett demanded from the sidewalk, his arms crossed over his chest. 

Brian smirked in his direction. “You can ride with Ted,” he laughed as he shifted the jeep into drive and took off. 

“Thanks a lot!” Ted shouted after him, followed directly by Michael’s, “Asshole!” 

The pair drove in silence for a few blocks. Brian used the time to try and figure out just what he was doing. It was bad enough when he’d interfered with what was going on in the back room, but now he was taking Justin to the hospital. It was something that he would have never done. Something that he never would do. In the present tense. But he was and Brian had no idea why he was so concerned about Justin except that he was. From the moment he had set eyes on the kid, there had been something about Justin that made him react in ways that he never would. 

“So how long have you been with Damian?” Brian asked, looking over at Justin as he came to a stop at a red light. 

Justin met his eyes for a fraction of a second before turning away. “About... about six....” 

“Days?” 

Justin shook his head. 

“Weeks?” 

“Months,” Justin mumbled into his lap. “Pretty stupid, huh?” 

Brian’s instinctive reaction was to agree with Justin’s statement. Anyone who would stay with an abusive bastard like Damian for more than five minutes was insane. He had nearly brought Damian to the back room once a few years back, but he had quickly caught on to the prick’s darker desires and gone in search of saner fuck partners. 

“You’re just a kid. You don’t know any better,” Brian told him instead. “I should have, though,” Justin said quietly, an ironic smirk curling the corner of his mouth. “I just... I didn’t have any other choice. It was either stay with Damian or live on the street.” 

Those were definitely some lousy choices. Either choice was the same as a death sentence for the kid. It was common knowledge on Liberty that Damian’s toys didn’t last very long before he either broke them or wore out the batteries. Most people were smart enough to avoid the guy, but Justin was a naive kid who was far too trusting. Desperate was probably a better definition. 

“We’ll figure out a new situation for you,” Brian assured him, glancing over at him once again to gauge his reaction. 

The pure shock on Justin’s face caught him completely off guard even though he should have expected it. It had probably been a long time since the kid had had a helping hand in any way. 

“Why are you helping me?” Justin asked, his voice barely above a whisper. “You don’t even know me.” 

Brian let out a loud breath, unable to keep the smirk from appearing on his lips. “I wish that I could tell you. I’m still trying to figure it out myself. But, until I do, I’m gonna stick with my plan which is to take you to the hospital and have a doctor take a look at your ribs. After that... who knows.” 

Justin was trying not to look too hopeful, but Brian could tell that he was relieved to have someone wanting to help him for a change. 

“Look, if I forget to later, I just want to thank you for helping me out,” Justin said as they pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. “I really appreciate it.” 

“Don’t worry about it, kid,” Brian more or less grumbled as he slid out of the jeep. 

Justin’s exit from the jeep was much more slow and cautious. He took a moment to steady himself before shutting the door behind him. Brian didn’t fail to notice the fact that Justin kept a death grip on the strap of his back pack. Once again his curiosity was peeked and he was tempted to ask after what the bag contained. It was obvious very important to the teen so whatever was in it had to be of great value, at least as far as Justin was concerned. 

The pair had to wait about half an hour before a doctor would see them. During that time, Justin got more and more nervous and Brian was convinced that the kid would bolt before someone came to see to him. 

“Look, kid, there’s no need to be nervous,” Brian said, tilting his head in Justin’s direction. “They’re not going to do anything bad to you. They’re doctors.” 

“So’s Damian,” Justin mumbled under his breath. “That’s why I thought he wouldn’t hurt me. Doctors are supposed to be good people. Hypocratic oath and all that.... At least that’s what I used to think. I’ll never be that stupid again.” 

“You got out. That’s what’s important,” Brian stated, lightly bumping his head against Justin’s. 

Justin smiled slightly in his direction. “Something else I need to thank you for. You’re a regular superhero.” 

Brian squeezed his eyes shut when he heard that, wincing internally. “I leave that up to my friend Mikey. He’s the comic book freak, not me.” 

With that single comment, Justin once again turned into a carefree teenager. “Comics are a highly underrated form of art, you know. In fact, some of the best examples of the human form can be found in comic books. They have superb musculature and aethestics and are very realistic.” 

Then he seemed to catch and fell silent. 

“You sound like an artist,” Brian teased, hoping to get the teen to relax once again. 

“I am,” Justin confirmed, somewhat shyly. “At least I was. I haven’t drawn anything in a while. But I used to draw all the time. I miss it.” 

“Then why don’t you keep drawing?” Brian asked in confusion. 

All at once, Justin shut down once again, his fingers clutching at his back pack. “Damian wouldn’t let me. Called my drawings a waste of paper.” 

“Do you think you’re any good?” Brian asked him. 

Justin hesitated a moment before answering. “It wasn’t whether it was good or bad. Drawing was a release for me. Something I’ve done since childhood.” 

“Is that what’s in the bag?” Brian inquired, finally figuring out why the back pack was so important to the teen. 

“Yeah,” Justin mumbled, fiddling with the zipper of his back pack. “All my sketch books are in here. I couldn’t risk anything happening to them. They’re the most important things I have.” 

“I’d think that you’re life would be pretty important.” 

Justin looked over at him, a ghost of a smile playing across his lips.


	2. Subdued Sunshine

The only explanation for it was that he was having an hallucination. Either that or a wonderful dream. It seemed as though dreams were the only time that he wasn’t being smacked around by Damian. And those were on good days. 

“Come on, kid, it’s our turn,” Brian said to him, nudging him with his elbow. 

Reacting instinctively, Justin flinched away from Brian’s touch. It had become second nature for him over the past six months once Damian had shown his true colours and would attempt to hurt him with every caress. 

Brian leaned in and lightly cupped the back of his neck. “I’m not Damian. I’m not going to hurt you, Justin. You have my word.” 

Turning his head so that he could meet the older man’s eyes, Justin saw the truth in the hazel orbs. There was none of the rage that had always been present in Damian’s flashing green eyes, only an incredible kindness that Justin found hard to believe was being directed at him. It had been so long since anyone had given a care about what happened to him. 

“Sorry,” Justin mumbled, offering Brian a slight smile. “Force of habit.” 

Brian smiled down at him, lightly running his fingers through the short hairs at the nape of Justin’s throat. “That is something I plan on remedying. You shouldn’t have to be scared of other people. Now, let’s go see what the good doctor has to say.” 

As he followed Brian into the examining room, Justin clutched tightly at his back pack. It was the only thing he possessed that he really thought of as his own. The bag, and the sketch books it contained, were quite honestly his only actual possessions. All of his clothes and his food and his lodgings had been courtesy of Damian. The older man hadn’t allowed him to work or go to school so he had no way of getting things for himself. In fact, the only time he was able to leave the doctor’s condo was when he was with him and those events had always been few and far between. 

“Mr. Kinney?” the nurse asked as he and Brian stepped into the examining room. 

Justin looked up at Brian in confusion, but the dark-haired man was already nodding in response to the nurse’s question. “That’s us.” 

“All right, so what seems to be the problem?” she inquired, idly scanning the chart in her hands. 

Justin’s eyes widened in panic. There was no way he could tell the nurse the truth about what had happened. She wouldn’t believe him or she would tell him that he deserved what Damian did to him. That he could have left Damian at any time. It was what Damian had always told him, but every time Justin would try to leave the older man, he would always find himself back in his clutches in a few hours’ time. 

“Justin had a run-in with some little pricks at school and I’m worried about his ribs. He’s been holding his stomach a lot since he got home,” Brian said without the slightest bit of hesitation. 

The nurse gave Brian a disbelieving look. “It’s almost 2am. Why did you wait so long?” 

“Because,” Brian began, giving Justin a pointed look, “the little genius here thought that I wouldn’t notice if he came home late enough. He hid out at his friend’s house all day and only wandered in after midnight.” 

“So you’re his father?” she asked as she wrote down the information Brian had just given him. 

Justin couldn’t help but smile at the horrified expression on Brian’s face. “No, he’s my brother.” 

“I was ten when the kid was born. Hardly the age to become a father,” Brian grumbled, giving the nurse an annoyed look. “Now can we get on with the exam? It’s not exactly two in the afternoon.” 

The nurse smiled apologetically at Brian then turned to Justin, instructing him to remove his shirt. As soon as the words left her mouth, Justin felt his panic returning. There was no way that he could take his shirt off. If he took it off, they would see the bruises and Justin didn’t want that. He didn’t want their pity and he didn’t want to see the look of disgust that he would see in Brian’s eyes when he saw the bruises. 

“It’s okay, Justin,” Brian said softly, reaching over and lightly squeezing his neck in a soothing manner. 

Justin turned his head and locked his eyes on Brian’s, momentarily losing himself in their hazel depths. Almost before his eyes, he watched the colour shift a fraction of a shade. A colour change that most people wouldn’t notice, but the artist in him caught onto immediately. 

Taking a deep breath, Justin set his back pack on the exam table. He could feel his body trembling as he wrapped his fingers around the hem of his shirt. Justin knew what they would see under the shirt and knew that it would bring up questions that he wouldn’t be able to answer. Sure he could tell the nurse what had happened, but actually speaking the words were something that Justin wasn’t sure he could do. 

He heard the nurse’s gasp and felt tears spring to his eyes instantly. Justin knew exactly what they were seeing. His entire upper body was covered with bruises both knew and old, interspersed with long angry slashes created by a pocket knife that Damian kept with him at all times. 

As he was trying to get his shirt over his head, Justin’s arms got tangled in the material. He struggled for a few moments, desperately trying to remove his shirt, and was nearly brought to tears by the effort before he felt Brian move to help him out of his shirt. 

“I’ve got you, Justin. Take it easy,” Brian whispered as he carefully helped Justin untangle himself from his orange jersey. 

As soon as Justin was freed from his shirt, he turned his head towards Brian, pressing his face to the taller man’s chest. The teen couldn’t bear what he thought he would see in their eyes. At least this way, he could feel comfortable knowing that Brian was there without having to see his eyes. 

“Justin, I need you to turn around so that I can see your chest,” the nurse said gently, placing a soft hand on Justin’s shoulder. As what happened whenever someone touched him when he was prepared, Justin flinched visibly. 

“She needs to see your chest, Justin,” Brian murmured against the top of his head. “I’m not going anywhere.” 

Taking Brian’s word for what it was, Justin slowly turned himself in Brian’s arms so that he was facing the nurse. He kept his head bowed at all times, not wanting to see her face as she examined the myriad of injuries that covered his upper body. Brian’s long fingers rubbing the back of his head was incredibly comforting and Justin chose to focus on that rather than actually acknowledge the situation he was in. 

“Ow!” Justin yelped as the nurse pressed on his ribs. 

“I thought nurses weren’t supposed to cause more pain,” Brian snarled at the young nurse as he wrapped a protective arm about Justin’s shoulders. 

“I’m sorry,” the nurse apologized, sounding sincere. “I was just trying to determine the extent of the damage done to his ribs without having to drag him down to radiation. Sorry for not warning you, Justin.” 

“S’okay,” Justin mumbled, sinking himself deeper into Brian’s arms. 

Prepared this time, Justin flinched only slightly when she pressed in on a particularly sensitive area. Justin held himself tight against Brian the entire time, his left arm eventually finding its way around the taller man’s waist. 

While it was true that he didn’t know Brian at all, over the past six months Justin had become adept at reading people’s emotions. It had saved him countless times from one of Damian’s rages. Of course it couldn’t protect him at all times. Especially not the times that Damian had returned home from work in a fury and taken it out on the bewildered teen. Justin was fortunate that more often than not he was able to anticipate Damian’s foul moods and make himself scarce. Abusive as the doctor usually got, Justin would gladly face him in those moods than when he was truly angry. 

Right away, Justin noticed that Brian didn’t have any of that rage that Damian always kept just below the surface. He was angry, true enough, but Brian’s anger was directed at Damian rather than at Justin himself. Besides that, there was a gentleness to the way Brian touched him that Damian couldn’t fake even at one of his dinner parties. 

“Well the good news is that your ribs are only bruised,” the nurse announced a few minutes later. “Unfortunately, the rest of you seems to be in the same state so your brother is going to have to wait outside while I conduct a more thorough examination.” 

“No!” Justin cried in a panic, meeting the nurse’s eyes for the first time that night. Forcing himself to calm down, Justin took a deep breath. “I don’t... I want Brian to stay.” 

The nurse gave him a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry, Justin, but Brian has to go outside for a little while. It will only be for a few minutes, I promise. He’ll be back before you know it.” 

“Don’t worry,” Brian began, pulling Justin against his chest and pressing a kiss to the side of his head. “I need to check my voice mail anyway. I think I’ve had my cell off all night.” 

Justin watched Brian leave the room, taking his sense of calm with him. He didn’t want to be left alone with the nurse. She could turn out to be like Damian and hurt him for no reason other than she could. No one would believe him if he told them that the good doctor or the nurse hurt him. Brian might, but Brian was gone and he didn’t know if he would come back. 

“I was going to ask you if Brian was the one hurting you, but I can see that’s not the case,” the nurse said gently, smiling softly at him. 

“Brian doesn’t hurt me,” Justin said emphatically. 

The nurse nodded her head and handed him his shirt. “Where are your parents at, Justin? Why aren’t they here?” 

“They’re in California, I think,” Justin said with a shrug. “I haven’t spoken to them in about six months. I’m staying with my brother.” 

Wanting to give himself more time to think and come up with a logical excuse for the bruises that didn’t involve the truth, Justin look a while putting his shirt back on. It felt good to have something on again to cover his chest. He felt a lot less vulnerable this way. 

“These bruises aren’t all new, Justin,” the nurse said as he was adjusting the hem of his shirt. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” 

“Do I have to?” Justin asked, hoping to avoid the question. 

“I’m afraid that you do. It’s either that or I can call the police and they can get involved.” 

Knowing that he didn’t have any other choice, Justin gave the first excuse that entered his mind. “There’s these guys at school. Every year they pick some new kid to torture. This year it’s me. I was new, I was different so they decided that it was okay to smack me around. They come from rich families so no one does anything to stop them.” 

“Did your brother know about this?” she prodded. 

Justin looked at her as though she were insane. “It was enough that my brother took me in when my parents decided they didn’t want me. I wasn’t about to add to his problems when I can take care of myself.” 

“Which is how you ended up here.” 

“I ended up here because they caught me off guard,” Justin defended himself. “It’s not going to happen again.... Can Brian come back in now? I’d like to go home. It’s been a long day.” 

The nurse patted his cheek lightly as she passed him on her way to the door. “Sure, sweety. Now I want you to take it easy this weekend. You’re ribs are bruised and need a rest. And if you can, try to avoid those boys for the next week or so.” 

Then she opened the door, admitting Brian into the examining room. As soon as he entered, Justin could tell right away that the older man was anxious about something. 

“Everything all set?” Brian asked, his eyes trained on Justin’s face. 

It was the nurse that answered, though. “The two of you are free to go. Justin just needs to take it easy to give his ribs time to heal.” 

“Will do,” Brian assured her quickly. “Justin, let’s get out of here.” 

Carefully slipping his back pack on, Justin followed Brian from the exam room. To his surprise, instead of leaving the hospital the same way they had come, Brian led him deeper into the building. Justin didn’t know where they were going, but he wasn’t about to protest. There had to be a reason why Brian was heading away from the exit. It probably had something to do with why he was so anxious. Justin hoped that it was nothing bad, but since Brian didn’t seem to be panicking he was almost sure that it wasn’t something bad. 

Forgoing the elevator, Brian went straight for the stairs. Just as he was about to mount the stairs, Brian turned in his direction momentarily and Justin was able to catch sight of the wide grin on the other man’s face. Whatever had been on that voice mail had definitely not been bad news. 

“Shit, I can’t believe it’s happened already,” Brian cursed under his breath as he yanked open the door that would let them out of the stairwell. 

“What’s happened?” Justin asked, still unsure of what was going on. 

But Brian was already around the corner and didn’t hear him. 

As they sprinted down the corridor on the second floor, Justin couldn’t help but laugh as he watched Brian dodging various nurses, doctors and other stragglers and a few stray gurneys. Justin simply followed in his wake, avoiding all the obstacles that way. Their loud laughter earned them many strange looks from the people that Brian wasn’t almost running over. 

Towards the end of the hallway, Brian began scanning the numbers painted above the doors. 

“Two sixty-one. This is it,” Brian announced as he came to a stop. Glancing over at Justin for a moment, he let out a deep breath then opened the door. 

Peeking over the taller man’s shoulder, Justin stared into the room. At first, all he could see were backs. There were at least a dozen people in the room, all of them women if his guess was right. 

Then, like the parting of the Red Seas, the crowd of women separated revealing the pair the bed and its occupants. 

“Oh my God,” Brian gasped, staring at the blonde lying in the bed with the newborn in her arms. 

The blonde gave Brian a tired smile. “Say hello to your son.” 

Justin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Brian had a son. Justin didn’t know what he had been expecting to find in the room, but it certainly hadn’t been Brian’s newborn son. A man didn’t have to be inducted into Pittsburgh’s gay community long to hear about the infamous Brian Kinney. The man who’d fucked them all. 

And he had a son. 

Moving slowly, still obviously in a daze, Brian made his way over to the bed. A path was cleared for him by the women who all appeared to be looking at Brian with something that could best be described as annoyance. Justin was sure that Brian didn’t even notice it, though. There was no mistaking the awe on his face. 

“When did it start?” Brian asked when he reached the side of the bed. 

The woman who was half sitting on the opposite side of the bed glared at Brian. “Around seven,” she hissed, doing nothing to disguise the venom in her voice. 

Her blonde counterpart didn’t react in the least to her anger. Her eyes, like Brian’s, were trained on the newborn she held in her arms. “And since hours later there he was.” 

“I wish I could have been here,” Brian murmured, his awe only seeming to increase now that he was closer to his son. The mirth infusing his next words completely belied the emotions Justin could so clearly make out on his face. “How often do I get to see snatch?” 

Justin shuddered at the comment while the gathered women groaned in disgust. 

The new mother only laughed quietly as she lightly stroked her son’s cheek. “Looks just like you,” she informed Brian, though how she could match the infant’s features to Brian’s was a mystery to him. 

“I guess he must be mine then,” Brian mumbled, releasing a loud breath. 

“You want to hold him?” the blonde asked, giving Brian a reassuring smile. 

Brian hesitated for a fraction of a second and pursed his lips. Then he began to reach his hands towards his son, touching the newborn for the first time. It was such a beautiful sight, one that Justin longed to capture on paper at that very moment. 

Only the moment was ruined almost as soon as it began when the brunette more or less growled at Brian, “Careful. Don’t drop him!” 

Brian gave her a pointed look, one full of annoyance. “And that’s just what I was planning on doing.” 

Justin kept his eyes on Brian’s hands, realizing for the first time just how large they were. Those hands held the tiny infant so easily, cradling him gently. There was something so beautiful about what Justin was watching. There was no mistaking the fact that Brian loved his son. 

“We’ve been thinking of names,” the blonde woman said, pulling both Brian and Justin’s gazes away from the infant. “Mel wants to call him Abraham after her grandfather... but I like Gus.” 

There was no mistaking which name she preferred. 

To Justin’s complete surprise, instead of answering her, Brian turned to him. “What do you think?” 

Justin was caught off guard. He barely even knew Brian and the man was trusting him with something as important with the name of his son. Justin stammered for a few moments before giving his answer. 

“Y-you wouldn’t survive a day at school being named Abraham,” Justin told the dark-haired woman honestly. He then smiled shyly at her partner. “But I guess Gus is okay.” 

Mel briefly turned her annoyed glare from Brian to Justin. “Thank you very much. And who the hell are you?” 

“His name’s Justin,” Brian said, tearing his gaze away from his son and smiled over at Justin. Right away the teen noticed the mischievous glint in his eyes. “He’s my new little brother.” 

“Little brother?” Mel asked, arching an eyebrow. “You mean your parents actually even considered having more children after you?” 

The blonde, whose name Justin had yet to learn, gave Brian a strange look. “But Brian doesn’t have any brothers.” 

Brian, however, seemed to be completely ignoring the pair, his attention focused completely on his son. He lifted Gus closer to his face, smiling down into the miniature face. Justin itched to pull out his sketch book and capture the moment, but restrained himself, knowing that there would be time enough later. It would be a long time before Justin forgot the events of this night. 

“Gus,” Brian stated, straightening his shoulders. “It’s a good, butch name.” He then leaned in closer to the infant. “Come on, Gus, give your daddy a smile.”


	3. Subdued Sunshine

There was far too much lesbianic love in the hospital for his liking. At the rate things were going, his kid would be craving pussy before he was a week old. And that was a generous assessment. 

Needing to get out of there and desperately craving a cigarette, Brian made for the rooftop. There he could smoke a few and figure what the hell he was doing with a kid. He wasn’t meant to have a kid, but somehow he’d let Lindsay talk him into fathering her child with Melanie. Lindsay was his best friend and he would do anything for her. Even something that went entirely against his nature. So he had jerked off into a little plastic cup and now, nine months later, he was a daddy. 

A blast of cool air hit Brian as he opened the door onto the roof. Breathing it in, Brian stepped out of the building. He stopped short when he caught sight of someone sitting up on the ledge. It took a moment, but he recognized the person seated so still on the concrete edge. 

“Lesbians too much for you?” Brian asked as he made his way over to where the teen was sitting. 

Justin’s shoulders tensed for a moment then he glanced over his shoulder at Brian. “I just needed some fresh air. I normally don’t get out that often.” 

“I can tell. You’re one pale kid,” Brian said, hoping for levity. 

“I’ve always been pale,” Justin revealed, the lack of emotion in his voice worrying Brian. “Even as a kid. Of course as a kid I wasn’t quite so multi-coloured.” 

Brian came to stand behind Justin, lightly placing his hands on the teen’s shoulders. “Well pretty soon you’ll be your usual pale self. No one’s going to hurt you ever again,” he promised Justin, sliding his arms around his shoulders and hugging him from behind. 

“You can’t protect me from everything,” Justin said solemnly as he leaned back against Brian’s chest. “I wouldn’t even ask you to try. You helped me out tonight and that’s more than I could have ever asked for. So how did you get to be the baby’s dad, anyway?” 

For the moment, Brian allowed the teen to change the subject. There would be plenty of time later for him and Justin to have a long talk about what had happened to him over the past six months. 

“Lindsay’s my best friend,” Brian informed him, releasing Justin and sitting down next to him on the ledge. “We’ve known each other for years and I still haven’t learned how to say no to her. About a year ago, Lindsay decided that she wanted to have a baby and since lesbians can’t breed together, she asked me to be the father. After a little convincing, I agreed and jerked off in a cup. Nine months later here we are.” 

Justin turned to him then, meeting his eyes for the first time since his arrival on the roof. “You wanted him, though? A part of you wanted to have a child?” 

Brian was silent for a moment, honestly contemplating his answer. None of the other had actually asked him, straight out, if he wanted a child. His friends had all made jokes about him being a sperm doner and how any child of his would probably come out of the womb ready to suck cock. It had always just been assumed that he wouldn’t care one way or the other about his kid. Yet regardless of the fact that Gus was going to be raised by his two mommies, the infant was still his son. 

“I think I must have,” Brian answered at last. “More for Lindsay than for myself. I never would have thought of having a kid if she hadn’t asked me. It wasn’t like it was ever a priority for me. But Lindsay’s always been like family to me since I met her. I would do anything for her. Even aid in the creation of another ticking time bomb.” 

“Time bomb?” Justin asked, doing nothing to hide his confusion. 

Smirking, Brian glanced over at Justin then at the city below them. “A kid. A wrinkled little time clock ticking away. Reminding you that you’re getting older by the minute. By the second.” 

“Oh that’s dramatic,” Justin laughed quietly. 

Shifting his position so that he was straddling the ledge, Brian reached into the pocket of his shirt and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Taking one for himself, he offered the pack to Justin who declined. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to abandon the kid,” Brian assured the teen, taking a puff of his cigarette. “He’s mine and I intend on being there when he needs me. I just won’t be there all the time. He’s got his mommies to take care of him.” 

“Poor kid doesn’t stand a chance,” Justin teased, earning him a grin from Brian. The blonde turned completely serious then, his smile fading. “Gus is a very lucky baby. He’s got three people who love him. Three people who will look out for him and take care of him. Most kids can’t even manage to have one parent stick by them no matter what.” 

“Sounds like someone is speaking from experience,” Brian said solemnly, keeping his gaze locked on the city so as not to make Justin feel trapped. 

Justin let out a loud breath, wrapped his arms about his middle in a defensive posture. “I always thought that they would be there for me, you know. That nothing I did or no decisions I made would make them stop loving me. Pretty delusional, isn’t it?” 

“It’s not stupid to want your parents to love you,” Brian told him, flicking ash from the end of his cigarette to the street six stories below. “It’s what every kid wants. What every kid should have. The only problem is that most parents aren’t like that.” 

“No shit,” Justin snorted mirthlessly. “First sight of trouble and mine were long gone. I was lucky that I got out of there with my sketch books.” 

Not sure whether Justin was actually going to answer his question, Brian knew that he had to ask. “So what happened that shut the door between you and your parents?” 

“Short answer is that they found out I’m gay,” Justin revealed, his gaze locked on the vehicles passing below them on the street. The kid was fearless, actually leaning forward with nothing but his hands gripping the concrete keeping him from toppling forward. 

“And what’s the long answer?” Brian asked quietly, not wanting to startle him. 

The artist leaned back slightly, turning his eyes up to the stars. “One night I went to Liberty. I don‘t even remember why. Just to explore, I guess. I had only been there once or twice before. What I didn’t know at the time was that my dad had followed me. I didn’t find out until I was in some alley getting a blowjob from some guy a year or two older than me.” 

“Ouch,” Brian mumbled, releasing a lungful of smoke. 

He could see Justin watching the swirls of smoke as they melded into the darkness. “I remember opening my eyes and seeing him there. He just kinda stood there, glaring at me. I couldn’t remember ever seeing such a disgusted look on his face.... And it was directed at me. He told me right then and there that he never wanted me to come home again. That I wasn’t his son anymore. I tried for about a week to get him to change his mind. He would have nothing to do with it. Wouldn’t even listen to me when I tried to talk to him. I’d been staying with a friend, sneaking into her room after her parents went to sleep. But I knew it wasn’t permanent.” 

Justin was silent for a few moments, blinking rapidly. Brian kept his eyes on Justin, unsure of what was going to happen next. He knew that there was still more to the story, but he wasn’t going to force Justin into talking. 

“The last time I went home, my room was completely empty,” Justin whispered at last. “My dad got rid of it all. The only things left were a few changes of clothes and my sketch books which had been at my friends house. Everything else was gone. It was like I didn’t even exist to him. So I left. I grabbed my stuff from Daph’s and went to Liberty. I met Damian that night... and six months later here I am.” 

“Here you are,” Brian agreed, reaching his free hand over to squeeze Justin’s shoulder. 

Justin let out a loud breath, his shoulders slumping. “I think what hurt most of all was the fact that my mother did nothing. Whenever I went home, all she would do was sit on the couch and let my dad say whatever he wanted to. She wouldn’t even look at me. When I was trying to figure out how to tell them, before my dad found out, I had always assumed that she would be on my side. I didn’t expect her to understand, but I never thought she’d abandon me.” 

Brian remained completely silent, not wanting to interrupt him. He was almost sure that Justin had never spoken about this before. Damian wasn’t exactly the type to sit down and listen to someone vent about what they were feeling or what had happened to them. The doctor would have either told Justin to shut up or done something to ensure that he wouldn’t be complaining about anything for quite some time. Brian shuddered, thinking of the things Damian had done to cause all those bruises on Justin’s body. 

As soon as he had seen them, all that he had wanted to do was track the bastard down and give him a taste of his own medicine. The only thing stopping him had been Justin. The teen had been panicked, his slender frame trembling noticeably the entire time. 

“Damian’s place had a ledge like this,” Justin announced, bounding to his feet in a single motion. “It was the only way I could go outside. I used to sketch on left over scraps of paper out there, when Damian was at work. You could see so much of the city from there. It was the only good thing about staying with him.” 

“Having a room with a view doesn’t make up for what Damian did to you,” Brian told him, craning his neck so that he could see the teen’s face. 

Justin heaved a great sigh, his gaze shifting to the street so far below them. “I know. It’s how I kept myself sane, though. When I was out there, I could pretend that everything was normal. At least until Damian came home from work.” 

“Well,” Brian said as he stepped back onto the roof, “my place has a piss poor view compared to this, but you’ll be able to come and go whenever you want.” 

The artist spun around quickly, nearly losing his footing. Reacting instantly, Brian reached out and grabbed hold of Justin’s hips, steadying him. He waited a few moments until he was sure that Justin wasn’t going to topple into oblivion before releasing the slim hips. 

“You’re going to let me stay with you?” Justin asked, pushing his bangs away from his forehead with the heel of his palm. 

Smirking, Brian held out his right hand. “It’s getting late and I want to say goodbye to Lindsay and Gus before we head out.” 

For several long moments, Justin stared down at Brian’s outstretched hand. He pulled his bottom lip in between his teeth as he tentatively slipped his hand into Brian’s. Brian squeezed his hand lightly, giving him a reassuring smile. His grip increased as he helped Justin down off the ledge, pulling the teen into his arms. 

“You ready to get out of here?” Brian murmured in Justin’s ear a few minutes later. 

Brian felt Justin nod against his shoulder and pressed a kiss to the top of his bright head before slipping out of his arms. He kept one arm draped across Justin’s shoulders as he led the teen back towards the door that would let them back into the hospital. Justin practically molded himself against Brian’s side, his arm wrapped tightly about the ad exec’s waist. 

While normally Brian despised needy people, Brian could understand where Justin was coming from. The kid had been abandoned by his parents and spent the past six months with a bastard who would sooner beat the shit out of him than look at him. Justin needed someone he could count on while he got himself sorted out. Having been in a similar situation before, Brian knew this better than most. 

Back down on the second floor, Brian noticed that the swarm of lesbians had migrated out into the hallway. He was grateful for that. It meant that he would be able to see Lindsay and his son without the horde glaring at him. 

“Wait here. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” Brian said to Justin, commandeering a stray wheel chair as he continued on towards Lindsay’s room. 

Once he was past the nurses station, Brian hopped into the chair and wheeled his way towards Lindsay’s room. He got a few odd looks from people passing him since he was seated in a wheelchair with his legs crossed as though it were a normal chair. When he finally got to Lindsay’s room, Brian uncrossed his legs and used his left foot as a battering ram to push the door open. 

The nurse who was holding Gus looked up at Brian as soon as he entered. “I’m sorry, sir. You’ll have to come back tomorrow. The mother needs her rest.” 

“And so does the father,” Brian told her, allowing his arms to drop to the side. Lindsay gave the nurse the okay and she started out of the room, taking the newborn with her. Brian stood up immediately as she came towards him, blocking her path so that he could see his son before he was taken to the nursery. “Sweet dreams, Sonny Boy,” he murmured, reaching down to stroke the soft cheek. “First night on earth.” 

The nurse disappeared with his little boy. His son. It still shocked Brian to think of the little thing that had been kicking against Lindsay’s stomach for the past few months was now a real person. Gus. Brian had always known that a real live baby was going to come out of Lindsay at some point, but the baby had never seemed real until he had walked into the room and saw Lindsay holding Gus. 

“Hun, could you get me some ice and maybe something fizzy?” Lindsay asked of Melanie and Brian knew instinctively that she was trying to get rid of her lover so that they could be alone. 

Brian didn’t really hear what Mel said to her. Once he saw Melanie leave her side and head towards the door, Brian moved to take her spot. He did, however, hear Melanie asking him if he wanted anything. 

“If you see any amyl nitrate lying around....” Brian told her absently, turning towards her momentarily. When she left, Brian closed the distance between himself and Lindsay and slid into bed dramatically. “Alone at last.” 

Lindsay tensed slightly, her hands going to her stomach. “Careful,” she warned. 

Brian leaned in close, wrapping an arm about her and rubbing her shoulder lightly. His other hand lightly cupped her stomach. “Well, here we are. Ma and Pa.” Lindsay smiled at that, but there were fresh tears sliding down her cheeks which Brian immediately moved to wipe away. “Hey.” 

“Don’t mind me,” Lindsay sniffled. “Just feeling a little... vulnerable.” 

They both laughed quietly and Brian promised not to tell anyone earning another smile from Lindsay. There was more than a little bit of awe on her face as she spoke next, tears still shining brightly in her eyes. 

“Who would have thought? You and me. Parents.” 

Brian let out a nervous breath, holding Lindsay to him. “It’s pretty scary boys and girls.” Wanting to get Lindsay to smile again, Brian furrowed his brows and asked with all seriousness. “Think it’s too late to return it?” 

“We could try,” Lindsay agreed then dropped her head back, laughing and groaning. When she looked back at Brian, she was doing her best to hide her mirth. “I guess this means we’re finally grown-ups.” 

Hating the sound of growing old, Brian said in his best child-like voice. “Don’t say that, Wendy! We’ll never grow up!” 

“Don’t be scared,” Lindsay told him, playing the role of Wendy. She then pretended to glare at Brian and said, completely serious. “Hell, if our parents could fuck, so can we.” 

The thought of his parents momentarily did away with his mirth. “I don’t want you to worry. About money, I mean. If you need anything....” 

Lindsay shook her head, letting Brian off the hook. “No. We’ll be all right. But thanks.” She leaned in then and kissed his cheek, lifting her other hand to lightly stroke the other side of his face. 

“I would have fucked you, you know,” Brian told her, not wanting to be serious any longer. When he got Lindsay laughing, he continued, “If I wasn’t afraid your lover’d beat the shit out of me.” 

“Sto-op!” Lindsay chastised, laughing at him. 

Still serious, Brian added, “I mean. She could take out Oscar do la Renta.” 

Leaning in close to him, Lindsay corrected him. “You mean La Hoya,” she said, pretending to punch him in the jaw like a boxer. 

Tongue in cheek, Brian consented, “Whatever.” 

“Well, you had plenty of chances,” Lindsay reminded him, referring back to the college days together. 

Brian arched an eyebrow, his mind going back to a few parties they’d been to together. “And I took advantage of a few, if I recall.” 

“Wasn’t half bad,” Lindsay played along, grinning at him. 

“Now you tell me,” he grumbled, his voice dripping with mock indignation. “You mean I could have been straight this whole time?” 

Lindsay shook her head slightly, her fingers lightly touching his cheek. “I wouldn’t say that.” 

“Well, then I guess it’s just as well.” 

For several long seconds he and Lindsay stared at each other. The mother of his child. She and Gus were the most important people in his life. He would do anything for them, give up his life for them in an instant. The two of them were the only real family that he had. His parents and sister meant nothing to him and there was no way he’d ever treat Lindsay and Gus like his supposed family treated him. 

Not able to voice his feelings for Lindsay out loud, Brian leaned in, pressing his lips lightly against hers. He hoped that she understood what he was trying to tell her. 

“Ice?” Melanie asked, shaking the pitcher of ice she was holding loudly to gain their attention. 

Pulling away from Lindsay, Brian glanced over at Melanie for a moment then turned back to Lindsay and pressed a kiss against her forehead. “You take it easy, okay? You’ve gotta take care of my son.” 

“Our son,” Melanie corrected him. 

Brian ignored her and slid out of the bed. “I’ve gotta get out of here. Take Justin home. It’s been a long night for both of us.”


	4. Subdued Sunshine

For several long minutes, Justin stood staring at himself in the mirror. Almost as soon as they had arrived at Brian’s expansive loft, Justin had requested a shower, wanting to wash away any traces of Damian from his body. He couldn’t wash away the bruises, but he could erase the feel of the doctor’s hands on his body. 

Twenty minutes later, having thoroughly soaped every inch of his body, Justin stood in front of the mirror, inspecting his reflection. The bruises he saw disgusted him, but he could do nothing to remove them. There had been plenty of times in the past six months that he had attempted to scrub the bruises away only to end up with reddened, raw skin which was sensitive to touch. 

Knowing that he wasn’t going to see anything that he hadn’t seen before, Justin pulled his black boxer briefs and orange jersey back on. He didn’t necessarily want to wear the clothes, but he didn’t have anything else and he didn’t want Brian to have to see the bruises. Justin didn’t want Brian to see the bruises and if he hid them he could maybe pretend that they didn’t exist. At least until he had to take his clothes off again and saw them. 

“Feel better?” Brian asked as Justin stepped out of the bathroom. The older man was already sprawled across the bed wearing nothing but the cowry shell bracelet on his right wrist. 

“Wha... Um, yeah,” Justin stammered, trying not to let Brian’s nakedness unnerve him. It was hard, though, because he could not get over how at ease Brian was in his own skin. The other man was lying there and speaking as casually as he had been in Lindsay’s hospital room earlier that night. 

Not for the first time that night, Justin found himself longing to capture Brian’s image on paper. There was an incredible beauty in the fluid lines and neat musculature of Brian’s body. He was one of Michaelangelo’s statues come to life. Breathing marble with a faint smirk and smoldering eyes. 

“I’m not going to do anything to you, Justin,” Brian promised him, drawing him out of his musings. “It’s late and I think we could both do with a few hours sleep.” 

Ducking his head down momentarily, Justin turned off the bathroom light and began to move into the bedroom. “Sorry. I just... I’m not....” 

“It’s okay,” Brian interrupted him, smiling reassuringly at him. “Nothing’s going to happen to you as long as you’re here. I promise you, Justin. You’re safe.” 

Taking Brian’s word as it was, Justin slowly crossed the bedroom to the king size bed which stood upon its own platform. In place of a headboard, a set of blue neon lights shone, casting a ghost-like glow across the room. Now that the light from the bathroom was gone, Brian’s skin took on an ethereal quality. He was almost otherworldly, a hallucination. 

Climbing onto the bed, Justin situated himself as close to the edge as he could. The bed belonged to Brian, after all, and Justin didn’t want to interfere with his personal space. 

“What are you doing all the way over there?” Brian asked, stopping in the midst of pulling a dark blue duvet over himself. 

“I, um... I didn’t want to invade your space,” Justin told him, curling his toes as he resisted the urge to curl himself into a ball. 

Brian laughed quietly and reached over to lightly place a hand on his arm. “I know for a fact that you’re not going to be comfortable all the way over there. Hell, you’re liable to roll off in the middle of the night. So we’re going to move to the middle of the bed where it’s the most comfortable, go to sleep and hopefully not wake up any time before noon. Okay?” 

Justin gave Brian a nervous smile, but allowed the other man to guide him towards the center of the bed. He waited for Brian to get himself situated then settled himself down, his body close to, but not touching Brian’s. Brian seemed to be okay with the distance because he spread the duvet over them with a flourish, blanketing them both in its warmth. 

Instead of lying down right away, Brian remained up on one elbow, staring down at the teen. “I want you to understand, Justin, that I’m not like him. I’m never going to do anything you don’t want me to or force you to do anything you don’t want to. Never.” 

Justin smiled slightly, nodding his head. 

“Good,” Brian murmured, leaning forward and brushing a kiss against his forehead. Lowering himself the rest of the way, Brian draped an arm across Justin’s waist. 

Without even thinking about it, Justin turned towards Brian, snuggling against his side. Rather than tensing at the close contact, Justin found himself relaxing. After so long with Damian, Brian’s touch was comforting. So comforting, in fact, that he was asleep within minutes. 

And awoke, many hours later still enveloped in Brian’s arms. For the first time in a very long time, Justin actually felt refreshed when he woke up. Normally when he woken by Damian for a pre-work fuck, Justin felt just as exhausted as he did when he slipped into unconsciousness. 

“You certainly look better,” Brian mumbled, cracking open an eye. 

Justin gave a lazy smile, worming his way deeper into Brian’s arms. “I actually feel like I got some sleep for once. It’s nice.” 

Feeling entirely relaxed, Justin allowed his eyes to slide shut once again. He felt safe with Brian and didn’t even flinch when he felt one of his hands slide under the hem of his shirt. Brian didn’t do much except allow his fingers to lightly dance over his skin. Justin found himself shifting even closer to Brian when he felt the tips of his fingers skim across the small of his back. 

“Justin, I’m gonna take your shirt off.” 

At Brian’s words, Justin’s eyes shot open. For an instant he began to panic, but that emotion was gone almost as soon as it had appeared. Brian’s voice had been very calm and quiet and the way he had asked, Justin knew that he was asking for his permission. 

“I don’t... I don’t want you to see,” Justin mumbled, looking everywhere but at Brian. 

Cupping the side of Justin’s face, Brian forced his gaze back towards him. “Justin, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. But the fact of the matter is that we’re going to be sharing very close quarters for the next little while and it’s highly likely that I will see you without your shirt. Right now you’re in control of the situation. Complete.” 

“But they’re ugly,” Justin protested, no longer trying to fight his way out of Brian’s arms. 

“No, they’re proof that you survived,” Brian told him. “Long as they’re there, you know that you got out alive. Once they’re gone you don’t have to think about what caused them any longer. They will be something that is in the past.” 

For several long seconds, Justin stared at Brian, unsure of what he was going to do. He desperately wanted to believe that Brian wasn’t going to hurt him like Damian had and for reasons that he couldn’t quite understand, Justin believed that he was safe with Brian. He had watched the night before as Brian held hi newborn son. Those strong hands had been so gentle as they lovingly cradled the infant. Brian wouldn’t hurt him and having seen him holding Gus he knew it was true. 

Moving slowly, Justin pushed himself into a seated position. He felt Brian’s arm slide from where it was on his waist down to his lap and Justin was glad for the contact. After taking several deep, calming breaths, Justin reached under the hem of his shirt and slowly pulled it over his head. Justin was able to take it off in one go and dropped it beside his legs. Very hesitantly, Justin turned towards Brian, unsure of what was going to happen next. 

The artist let out a sigh as Brian repositioned his arm back to his waist and pushed him down onto the mattress. Justin got himself situated once again, his eyes never straying from Brian’s face. He did his best not to focus on the now exposed bruises, instead studying the shade of Brian’s eyes as a way to distract himself. 

With a fluidity that Justin could only marvel at, Brian flipped over onto his elbows in a single motion. Casually, the taller man inched his way closer so that he was lying half on top of Justin. Unsure of what he had planned, Justin tensed, holding in a breath. 

Then Brian lowered his head, placing a soft, open-mouthed kiss to a mottled blue bruise just below left nipple. Justin gasped as the tender contact was repeated on the bruise on the lower part of his rib cage. Methodically, Brian continued the process with each and every welt that covered his torso and arms. 

It had been so long since Justin had known such a gentle touch that he soon found himself on overload. His entire body was tingling, but it wasn’t the least bit sexual. For the first time in months, Justin felt loved. He knew that there was no way Brian felt those emotions for him, nor did he have any right to expect them, but they were still there. Brimming to the surface as Brian plied his body with kisses. 

Sliding up his body, Brian hovered above Justin, their faces only inches apart. “Now you don’t have to think about him when you see the bruises.” 

They were the first words that Brian had spoken since he had begun his therapy session and brought a smile to Justin’s face. He was still smiling, albeit somewhat more subdued as he and Brian entered the Liberty Diner forty-five minutes later. 

“Holy hell! The end of the world is coming! Brian Kinney is bringing them out of the bedroom!” a middle-aged woman with curly red hair and a brightly coloured vest covered with a multitude of buttons shouted as he and Brian entered the diner. 

Feeling incredibly self-conscious, Justin dug his hands deep into the pocket of his baggy jeans. Unlike the faded orange jersey he had been wearing the night before, the long sleeve red tee Brian had given him to wear was form fitting and made Justin feel incredibly exposed. He wanted to disappear, to run from the diner, but Brian’s hand on the small of his back kept him in place. 

“Nice to see you too, Deb,” Brian shot back, casting a sarcastic smirk in her direction as he led Justin towards a booth that was already inhabited by three other men. The three men who had been outside Babylon the night before. 

“And just who do we have here?” a slender man in a bluish/green shirt and purple faux fur coat asked with an arched eyebrow. 

“He looks a little young for you, Brian,” a dark haired man in a plain blue t-shirt commented. 

Sitting down in the booth, Brian lightly tugged Justin down next to him. “His name’s Justin. He’s staying with me for a while.” 

The third man, one Justin vaguely recalled from the backroom, didn’t bother to hide his disgust. “You’re letting some blonde twink stay with you? Is he really that good in bed?” 

Immediately, Justin started to get up to leave. It was obvious that the other man didn’t want him there. Not really knowing Brian at all, Justin didn’t know his relationship with the other man, but from the free way he was speaking it was clear that they were close. Justin knew that it would be best if he left. He didn’t want to cause any problems from Brian. Not after everything he had already done for him. 

But Brian’s firm hand on his thigh kept him in place. 

“What Justin and I do is really none of your concern, Mikey,” Brian told the other man, his eyes hard. “He’s staying with me because I want him to.” 

“I saw him come in with Damian Walker last night,” Mikey protested, his voice taking on a shrill whining tone. “Obviously he’s Walker’s little fuck toy and you know who he gets when someone messes with his fuck toys.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Michael,” Brian hissed, his voice sending shivers down Justin’s spine. “You don’t know what you’re talking about so just shut up.” 

At that moment, Justin wouldn’t have minded if the earth opened up and swallowed him whole. Until Michael had brought it up he had managed to forget about Damian. Brian’s action earlier at the loft had temporarily erased what the doctor had done to him. But he shouldn’t have. It was idiotic of him to think that he could escape Damian. He would never get away from him. Damian had promised Justin that he would never let him go and the teen fully believed his words. 

Feeling Brian’s hand on the back of his neck, massaging corded muscles, Justin slowly turned his head. He could focus on no particular feature before Brian lowered his head, their foreheads pressed together. Justin closed his eyes, focusing on the feel of Brian’s fingers at the nape of his neck as he willed himself to calm down. 

“What’s going on over here?” 

Justin started at Deb’s voice, attempting once again to get up from the booth and flee the diner. And, once again, he was stopped by Brian. 

“I gotta get back to work,” Michael grumbled. Hearing some shuffling, Justin assumed that the other man was leaving, something Justin was still desperate for. 

“Hey, kid, are you all right?” 

Assuming that Deb was talking to him, Justin swiveled his head just enough so that he could see her. Concern was written all over her face and Justin took some comfort from her endearing manner. He relaxed somewhat against Brian, no longer attempting to flee. 

“I’m fine,” Justin said, his voice no more than a breathy whisper. 

“Kid, you can’t bullshit me. I’ve been in this business way too long,” Deb stated, giving him a stern look. “Now how ‘bout telling me the truth?” 

“Hey, Deb, you still looking for a new busboy?” Brian asked, saving Justin from having to answer her question. 

Deb smirked in his direction. “Why? You applying?” 

“Justin’s looking for a job,” Brian informed her, returning the waitress’ smirk. 

“That so?” Deb asked, turning her gaze back to Justin who was feeling a bit more in control of himself. “You have any experience.” 

Justin shrugged his shoulder slightly. “I’ve waited tables at a couple Mother and Father’s day brunches at my parent’s country club.” 

“Well, kid, if Brian’s promoting you, you’re hired,” Deb announced, reaching over to pat Justin’s cheek. He jerked slightly at the contact, bringing her mothering instincts to the front once again. “Okay, someone tell me what’s going on.” 

“Your guess is as good as ours,” the wildly dressed one mumbled. “All we know is his name.” 

“And that he’s staying with Brian,” the other one added. 

“Can we please get some food?” Brian asked, waving a menu in Deb’s direction. 

Scowling at Brian briefly, Deb nonetheless pulled her order book out of her apron. “All right, kiddo, shoot.” 

Passing the menu to Justin, Brian gave his order immediately. “Turkey sandwich on wheat. No mayo and a coffee. What about you, Justin?” 

“I’m not hungry,” Justin mumbled, not even picking up the menu. 

“Get him a cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate shake,” Brian told Deb before turning to Justin. “You need to eat So no arguing.” 

Justin nodded his head mutely, smiling softly when he felt Brian’s finger entwine with his own. Deb wrote down the order then left the booth, disappearing towards the kitchen. Her departure left an awkward silence in its wake. None of the men seated in the booth spoke, waiting for another to speak first. 

“So I take it you’re not gonna be at the gym tonight,” the dark-haired man said at last, taking a quick sip of his water. 

Justin felt Brian relax, the tension finally fading. “Need to go shopping,” he answered briefly. “Get some clothes.” 

The wildly dressed man perked up at that, practically bouncing up and down in his seat. “Ohh! Can I help?” 

“Of course you can, Emmett,” Brian deadpanned. “As soon as you get some descent taste.” 

While Emmett gasped in mock outrage, the other man snorted. “He’s got a point, Em. There aren’t many who would willingly go out in public like you.” 

“It takes guts to be a true queen, Teddy,” Emmett told his friend. “And I think Brian could pull it off. He has the body for it.” 

“Not happening,” Brian stated firmly. “Besides, we’re shopping for Justin.” 

By the time their food arrived, Justin felt calm once again. He enjoyed the ease with which Brian and Emmett traded barbs, neither one really serious about the words they spoke. What he enjoyed even more was the food. It had been a long time since Justin eaten greasy diner food. Damian had been a health freak and forced Justin to eat the same food he did. The sloppy cheeseburger was something Justin hadn’t even been aware he was craving until Deb set the plate in front of him along with some papers for him to sign and a rough schedule for the following week. 

“I really appreciate this,” Justin told her as he skimmed through the typical waivers and medical forms Deb had handed him. Justin was really grateful for the job. It meant that he wouldn’t have to depend entirely on Brian. He would have some money of his own. 

“With a smile like that you’re gonna boost business for sure, Sunshine,” Deb said with a grin, heading back towards the kitchen. 

Once Justin had put all of the papers into his backpack, Brian pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “Come on, Justin. Let’s get out of here.”


	5. Subdued Sunshine

“So why are you helping me?” 

That question was one that Brian had hoped to avoid. He had known that the question was coming, he’d be an idiot not to, but not so soon. At the very least he had wanted to have an answer to the question before it was asked. Brian didn’t like not being prepared. 

“Don’t get me wrong, I really appreciate what you’re doing for me. I just can’t figure out why,” Justin said honestly as he and Brian sat in a small Thai restaurant waiting for their food. “You had never even seen me before last night and already you’ve done so much for me. More than I deserve. I’m nobody. I’m just some dumb blonde twink who decided to stand under the wrong street light.” 

“You’re not a nobody. But the fates are a bitch,” Brian agreed, leaning back in his chair. “The thing I’ve learned is that it’s best to beat them at their own game.” 

“I think they’ve got me beat by about two million points right now,” Justin mumbled, a ghost of a smile playing across his features. 

Brian flashed Justin a devilish grin. “Then I guess we’ll just have to cheat and even the score.” 

“Cheat the fates? That sounds like something off Xena: Warrior Princess,” the teen informed him. “And it still doesn’t explain why you’re helping me. How come you’re not like everybody else? No one else ever even looked up from what they were doing let alone tried to help me. You’re the first.” 

The waitress came with their food then and Brian could have kissed the woman he was so grateful. He didn’t have any answers for Justin’s questions. None that he would voice out loud, anyway. In his twenty-nine years Brian had seen a lot of the world and most of it wasn’t that great. If Justin was going to make it to his high school graduation he was going to need some help. 

“Are you even in school?” Brian asked as he speared a piece of chicken with his fork. 

At his question, Justin dropped his own piece of chicken which he had carefully been ferrying to his mouth with a pair of chopsticks. “What? Oh, school. No. I used to go to St. James Academy, but after my dad kicked me out he stopped my tuition and Damian.... Damian didn’t let me do anything that involved me leaving his condo alone. So I haven’t been to school since about part way through last semester.” 

“Well you’re going back,” Brian told him. “I’ll have my secretary get you enrolled at a high school close to the loft. You’ll have to make due with public school, though. No fancy uniforms, I’m afraid. You should be in 12th, right?” 

“Yep. I’m a senior,” Justin confirmed. “Though technically I didn’t finish last year so I’m not sure how that’s going to work. They might not let me graduate this year.” 

“You’ll graduate this year. Don’t worry,” Brian assured the teen. “Wouldn’t do to have you fall behind because of something you couldn’t control. Besides, Cynthia is amazing when it comes to making up stories to cover my back. She can be fucking brilliant when she puts her mind to it.” 

For the rest of the meal, Brian managed to avoid that particular question. For the most part, Justin was too busy struggling with his chopsticks to do much talking. He could have easily used the fork resting next to his plate, but Justin claimed that he wanted the whole experience which meant using the wooden utensils. Even if it took an average of three tries to get a single piece of chicken to his mouth. 

“You know, here in the West we have these amazing inventions called forks,” Brian smirked, waving a piece of chicken on the end of his fork for emphasis. 

Returning his smirk, Justin stabbed a piece of chicken with one of the chopsticks and held it up for Brian to see. Brian burst out laughing as Justin triumphantly popped the piece of chicken into his mouth. Once the teen had swallowed, Brian reached across the table and wiped away a glob of sauce from Justin’s chin with his thumb, sticking the digit into his own mouth. 

“You’d think that a former member of the country club set would have better manners,” Brian teased, licking his lips to remove any traces of sauce. 

“You’re the one who keeps taunting me,” Justin defended himself, impaling the last piece of chicken on his plate. “I’ll have you know that my manners are usually impeccable. I’ve been going to fancy dinner parties since I was three years old.” 

“So you mean that I can take you out to eat in public. That this isn’t your normal eating mannerisms?” Brian asked with an arched brow. 

Justin nodded his head, taking a refined sip of his glass of Coke to prove his point. “See. Perfect class.” 

“Whatever you say, Sunshine.” 

After finishing their dinner, the pair headed back towards the loft. It was just around the corner from the loft so they had dropped the afternoon’s purchases off there before going for dinner. Justin had volunteered to cook them something but that would have required there being edible food in his fridge. So the pair made the five minute walk to the small restaurant for dinner, Brian promising that they’d go to the market to get some groceries so that Justin could show off his culinary skills which the teen promised were stellar. 

“You still haven’t answered my question,” Justin reminded him as they rounded the corner onto Tremont. 

Brian opened his mouth to put of Justin once again, but found that he didn’t have to make excuses for the moment because his cell phone rang. Smiling apologetically at Justin, Brian reached into his pocket and pulled out the small phone. However, when he saw the name on the display screen, Brian was half tempted not to answer and to just try and figure out an answer for Justin. 

Knowing that Michael would probably just show up if he didn’t answer his cell, Brian reluctantly raised it to his ear. “What do you want, Mikey?” 

“I called your place and you didn’t pick up so I called your cell,” Michael told him. 

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose, barely able to bite back a sarcastic remark. “That’s nice, but it doesn’t explain why you’re calling me.” 

“To remind you that you said you’d pick me up for Woody’s tonight,” Michael prodded, sounding incredibly put upon even though he had no reason to. 

“Sorry, Mikey, no can do,” Brian said immediately. “I’m staying in tonight.” 

“What?!” Michael cried shrilly. “Don’t tell me you’re staying home to entertain that stupid little twink. Why don’t you just send him home?” 

Brian rolled his eyes. “I told you this morning, Mikey, he’s staying with me for a while. So you go to Woody’s with Ted and Emmett and enjoy a night of rejection. I’ve got better things to do.” 

With that, Brian turned off his phone before Michael could protest. Since he knew that Michael would undoubtedly call him at home, Brian made a mental note to shut off the ringer on the phone in the loft. He had to give Michael credit, though. He was nothing if not persistent. Only this time Brian could have done without that persistence. 

“Michael doesn’t like me, does he?” Justin asked as Brian slipped the cell phone back into his pocket. 

Coming to the building the loft was in, Brian climbed the steps and punched in the security code. “There’s a lot of things that Mikey doesn’t like. One of which is anything that diverts my attention away from him.” 

“So are you and he...?” Justin trailed off at the end, not finishing the thought. 

An assumption of which Brian was quick to rectify. “Fuck no! He’s my best friend. That’s it. Though not for lack of trying on his part. It would be like incest. Mikey’s been like a brother to me since we were fourteen.” 

“And Michael doesn’t feel the same way?” Justin asked as they stepped into the elevator. 

“You’d think that he would,” Brian said with a smirk. “But when you have as dull a sex life as Mikey you’ll fuck anything with a dick. I’m surprised that he hasn’t switched back to pussy just to get some action.” 

Justin scrunched his face up, leaning back against the wall of the elevator. “That’s just gross. Who’d want to stick their dick in that?” 

“It does happen from time to time.” 

“You mean you’ve....?” Justin started, staring at Brian in unabashed shock. 

“On a few occasions in college,” Brian confirmed, earning a disgusted shudder from Justin. “Oh quit being a baby. It’s not as bad as all that.” 

A few moments later when they stepped into the loft, they were greeted by the sound of Michael ranting to the answering machine. Ignoring whatever it was that Michael was saying, Brian went over and unplugged the phone and turned off the volume of the answering machine. He took his cell phone out of his pocket and set it down in front of the deactivated devices, praying that Michael wouldn’t decide to show up in person. 

“Are you sure Michael’s not some kind of stalker?” Justin asked as he slipped off his backpack. 

Brian tossed his keys down onto the table as well. “He’s a freak, but he grows on you. I swear if it was possible he’d become a character in one of his comics.” 

Never in a million years had Brian thought that he would actually enjoy spending a Saturday night at home. Saturday nights were usually his best fuck nights at Babylon. Instead, he worked out while Justin watched Dirty Dancing, trying his best to ignore the teen’s comments about the movie having so many of his favourite old songs. 

“They’re not old,” Brian shouted from the treadmill. “I was a fucking teenager when that movie came out!” 

“Yeah, but isn’t this supposed to be set in the fifties?” Justin called to him. 

Brian grinned. He definitely liked the kid. He knew that the comment had been a jibe had been one aimed at his age, which Brian had learned was twelve years senior to the artist’s, but Justin had been quick to cover himself. Brian had to give the teen credit. He was good. Justin wasn’t some stupid blonde twink. In conversations they had had throughout the day, Brian had discovered that Justin was very intelligent. He could speak confidently about many things from art to famous works of literature to current events and politics. And it wasn’t only book smarts, which he undoubtedly would have had time to develop in the six months he spent with Damian, but he had his own points of view, some very radical, which he could defend with an ease that Brian found amazing. 

Turning off the treadmill, Brian stretched for a few minutes before heading over to where Justin sat watching the movie. “I’m gonna go take a shower. Wanna join me?” 

Even though he had expected Justin to turn him down, Brian still frowned at the teen’s negative head shake. “It’s my favourite part of the movie. I don’t want to miss it.” 

Brian was tempted to tell him that he could easily stop the movie and watch the rest after, but he didn’t want to force Justin into anything he felt uncomfortable with. He wanted to help Justin, not make him feel as though he was stuck in the same situation he had been before. With that in mind, Brian trudged towards the bathroom, his right hand absently finger a bruise on his temple that had healed half a lifetime ago. 

As much as he hated to be reminded of his own past, the sight of Justin’s beaten body forced Brain to recall events from his childhood. He knew that a lot of the time he brought his father’s wrath upon him thanks to his smart mouth when he otherwise would have escaped unscathed, but Justin wasn’t anything like how he had been growing up. Brian had mastered the art of sarcasm at an early age and had suffered the consequences at the hands of his drunken father. At an early age Brian had learned that he wasn’t wanted by his parents. He had been five when he’d learned of Jack’s failed attempts to convince his mother to have an abortion when she was pregnant with him, though he hadn’t understood the ramifications of that request until he was older. At least his parents had been consistent. They hadn’t wanted him when he was born and their opinion hadn’t changed the entire eighteen years he had lived at home. 

Justin’s rejection had been far more sudden, more than likely sending him into a tailspin which was how he had ended up with Damian in the first place. Brian absently wondered if Justin’s parents even cared about what had happened to him over the past six months or if they had written him off just as easily as Brian’s parents had him. 

“God, you’re fucking maudlin tonight, Kinney,” Brian mumbled to himself as he lathered his skin with an expensive French soap which was supposed to help keep his skin from aging by sealing in moisture. 

Pushing those thoughts aside, Brian instead concentrated on figuring out a way to help Justin feel more comfortable in his own skin. At the very least less jumpy when people touched him. Rationally, he knew that it would be a long while before Justin fully got over what had been done to him, but Brian didn’t see the harm in setting a good foundation for his recovery. 

He was in the process of toweling himself dry in front of the mirror when inspiration struck. All that once, the plan formed in his mind. One that he was sure would help Justin regain some of his lost confidence. He didn’t have a degree in psychology so he couldn’t say for sure whether it would work, but he did have personal experience and a lifetime of living to draw upon. 

Slipping into his black silk robe, Brian headed back out into the main part of the loft to find Justin staring at the end credits rolling up the screen. He knew that Justin was aware of his presence by the tightness of the muscles in the teen’s shoulders. 

“Shower’s free,” Brian announced, reaching over the back of the couch to pick up the remote which lay next to Justin’s left leg. He first shut off the movie then the entire entertainment center before dropping the remote back onto the cushion. “After the almost all nighter yesterday and a day of shopping today, I’m wiped. You go shower. I’m heading to bed.” 

Despite being unnerved by his close proximity, he could feel Justin relax as he pressed a light kiss to the top of his head. It was odd, something Brian had never encountered before, but he didn’t comment on it. Rather, he set about turning off all the lights and locking up. By the time he returned to the bedroom, Justin was already in the bathroom showering. 

Knowing that Justin would be a few minutes since he was most likely washing his hair as well as his body, Brian didn’t rush to remove his robe. He instead found himself standing in front of his open closet. Where before only his tailored suits and other expensive clothing had been admitted residence now hung clothes that belonged to Justin. Long sleeved t-shirts and pullovers as well as a few short sleeved tees. Brian had even compacted some of his clothes in order to clear two drawers for Justin’s socks, underwear and jeans. 

It was, by far, the last thing he had expected when he had left the office the previous day, looking forward to a night out clubbing. 

When he heard the shower turn off, Brian removed his robe and made his way back towards the bed, situating himself the same way he had the night before. And, like the night before, as soon as Justin stepped out of the bathroom, Brian could see the uncertainty in his eyes. That same look had been present the night before, but Brian knew that it had nothing to do with him. That nervousness, almost skittish look had been placed there by Damian and Brian intended to remove it once and for all. 

“You look like a deer who’s just about to get shot,” Brian commented, trying to keep his tone neutral. 

“I’ve just never seen anyone so comfortable in their own skin,” was the answer Justin gave and Brian could see the truth in his words. It definitely wasn’t the first time he’d been accused of it. 

Rolling easily off the bed, Brian leisurely walked over to where Justin stood in the doorway separating the bedroom from the bathroom. “A lot of piss poor advertisers like to say that it’s the clothes that make the man. It’s a completely load of shit. Clothes are what the world sees. It’s your body that tells the truth about who you are. It’s when you take them off that you see who you really are because you’re body doesn’t lie. It can’t.” 

By the time he finished speaking, Brian was standing directly in front of Justin. With his right hand he reached up and cupped the side of the teen’s cheek, smiling slightly when he felt him lean into his mouth. He could tell that Justin was still a little nervous so when he leaned in to kiss him, Brian gave the blonde plenty of time to back away from him and into the bathroom. But Justin didn’t do that. Instead he held his ground, tilting his face upwards to meet Brian’s lips. 

The first thing Brian noticed was the slight minty taste to Justin’s lips thanks to the toothpaste he had used only a few minutes before. Then he felt only the softness of those wonderful lips and almost forgot his plan. Sucking in a deep breath, Brian pulled away enough so that he could see into Justin’s eyes. 

“Do you trust me?” Brian asked Justin, fully intending to stop if the teen asked him to. 

“I do,” Justin affirmed without the slightest hesitation. 

Going slowly so that Justin was aware of his every move, Brian slipped his fingers under the hem of the black long sleeve tee he was wearing and began to lift it up his chest. Figuring out his intentions, Justin voluntarily raised his arms so that Brian could remove the shirt. Once it was gone, Brian tossed it to the ground before placing his fingertips back on Justin’s chest. 

“You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen,” Brian told him honestly. “That’s why I had to make Damian stop hurting you. It made my physically sick to see what he was doing to you. Your eyes flashed in my direction once and I knew I had to stop him. I couldn’t let him hurt you. Only I was too late to save you from the worst of it. But never again. No one is going to hurt you ever again.” 

As he finished speaking, Brian could see the tears glistening in Justin’s eyes. A few had already slipped down his cheeks and Brian was quick to kiss them away. Justin’s hands found their way to his hips then and Brian took that as a sign to continue. Stepping backwards, he guided them towards the bed, sitting down on the raised mattress so that Justin now stood between his knees. 

Justin’s erection was obvious beneath his black boxer briefs so when he made no move to stop him, Brian began to pull them own. While the teen stepped out of his underwear, Brian pressed a kiss to his belly button, earning him a strangled groan. His lips then moved down to Justin’s right hip momentarily before placing a kiss to the base of his cock. Justin’s moans and whimpers only increased as Brian laved the underside of the shaft before slipping his lips around the head. He circled the tip a few times with his tongue then began to lower his head. Justin’s hips bucked involuntarily and Brian placed a hand on his waist to lessen the movement. He kept a steady pressure with his lips, his tongue tracing absent patterns across the bulging vein on the underside of Justin’s dick. 

Brian had known from the beginning that Justin wasn’t going to last long, so when he felt the teen’s cock pulse he shifted his gaze towards Justin’s face. Two more stilted thrusts and Justin’s jaw hung slack. His eyes rolled back under half closed lids and a strangled cry came pouring from his lips when he climaxed. 

Justin was panting and had to place his hands on Brian’s shoulders to keep from falling forward, but at that moment all that Brian noticed was the blissful expression on his face.


	6. Subdued Sunshine

For the past ten minutes he had been sitting on the curb across the street from St. James Academy. It wasn’t nostolgia that had brought him back to his former school. Far from it. Borrowing a pair of rollerblades from Brian, Justin had made the journey from the loft to the school in hopes of seeing his best friend. It had been six months since he had seen Daphne so with Brian at work for the day, Justin was using the time to search her out. 

While he waited for Daphne to make an appearance, Justin put the finishing touches on a sketch he had begun the previous morning. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Brian grumbled, the sheets rustling as he shifted slightly. 

Justin glanced up from his sketchbook, grinning shyly at Brian. “Something I’ve been wanting to do since Friday night so don’t move.” 

“Why can’t I move?” 

“Because if you move I won’t be able to finish the sketch I’m doing,” Justin explained as he added a shadow to the hollow of Brian’s throat. “Just a couple more minutes. I promise.” 

Justin worked quickly since he knew that Brian would not stay still for long. He had hoped to get the drawing done before the older man woke up, but he had spent too much time staring at Brian instead of sketching. It was hard not to get distracted when staring at Brian’s naked form. His lean six foot two frame was an artist’s dream come true. Sprawled out on his side, one arm tucked under a pillow the other draped across his hip, is hand coming near to his cock, Brian had struck a pose that Justin couldn’t have planned better himself. As promised, it took only a few minutes for Justin to complete the main part of the drawing. The rest he could go back and fix up without Brian’s constant fidgeting. 

“Done,” Justin announced, sliding his pencil into the coil at the top of the sketchpad. 

Before he could even set the sketchbook down, Brian lunged from his reclined position and tackled Justin to the mattress. Laughing breathlessly, Justin wound his arms around Brian’s neck, hugging the taller man to him. 

“JUSTIN!” 

Slipping the sketchbook into his back pack, Justin rose to his feet in time to be knocked back to the ground by Daphne. Luckily he landed on grass so it didn’t hurt too much. 

“Where have you been, Justin? Are you all right? Where have you been staying? I looked everywhere for you, but no one had seen you. Not even on Liberty. Do you have any idea how worried your mom and I have been? Why didn’t you call us, you little shit?” 

It didn’t surprise Justin in the least that Daphne had said all of that in a single breath. She held herself above him on her elbows, staring down at him as she waited for his answers. 

“Think you could let me up, Daph?” Justin inquired, pushing himself up a bit to get his point across. 

With an exaggerated sigh, Daphne rolled off of Justin and sat down next to him. “All right, Taylor, I want answers and I want them now.” 

As he sat up, Justin absently fingered a bruise on his ribs that Daphne had unwittingly hit when she knocked him over. “Nice to see you too, Daph.” 

“Enough of this shit, Justin, tell me where you’ve been,” Daphne demanded, lightly nudging him with her shoulder. “I was really worried about you. For all I knew you were dead.” 

“As you can see, I’m not dead,” Justin said, wrapping an arm across Daphne’s shoulders and hugging her to his side. “I just wasn’t in a situation where I could call you for a little while.” 

Daphne turned to him, her eyes wide. “A little while? Justin, it’s been six months. I haven’t seen you since that afternoon you picked up your stuff. You were just gone and I couldn’t find you. For the first few weeks I was convinced that one day I would pick up the paper in the morning and see your picture on the front page because you had been murdered. Where were you?” 

“Can we not talk about the past six months?” Justin pleaded, unconsciously reaching for his back pack to make sure that it was still there. “I’d just like to pretend that they never happened. Can we do that? Please, Daph?” 

“But, Justin--” 

“No, Daph,” Justin cut her off with a shake of his head. “Nothing good will come from talking about the last six months. They’re over and done with and I don’t want to think about them ever again. I’m starting over again so I only want to think about the future from now on. No looking back.” 

Daphne rested her head on Justin’s shoulder, nodding slightly. “All right, no questions about the past. Can I ask how you’re doing now? Today? Is that allowed?” 

“I’m doing really well, Daphne,” Justin informed her, grinning broadly. “I’m staying with this really great guy, I’ve got a job and, unfortunately I’ll probably be starting school again later this week. Best of all, I’ve got my best friend back. I’ve missed you, Daph.” 

Daphne smiled up at him. “I’ve missed you too, Justin.... God, you’re mom’s gonna freak when she sees you.” 

“I’m not going to see my mom,” Justin told her. He didn’t know where Daphne had gotten the idea that he was going to see his mother. “I just wanted to come see you before I started my shift today at the diner. And I probably should get going so that you can get to class.” 

“Did you hit your head at some point during the past six months?” Daphne cried, looking at him as though he’d grown a second head. “You can’t seriously expect me to go and sit through some boring history class and just let you disappear again. Oh no. You and me are going... we’re going to that coffee shop near our houses. The only we used to go to all the time. And I’m not taking no for an answer. So get your stuff and I’ll drive us there.” 

Justin opened his mouth to protest but was cut off by Daphne who placed her thumb over his mouth as she dialed a number on her cell phone. Holding the phone up to her ear, she waited for the person on the other end to pick up. When she did start speaking, her voice was considerably lower. 

“Hello, this is Ronnie Chanders. I’m just calling to let you know that Daphne will not be in today. She’s not feeling well. Thank you. Good bye.” 

“You’re a freak!” Justin laughed as she hung up the phone. 

Daphne gave him a pointed look. “I skip out on one day and I’m a freak? You’ve missed a whole semester so you have no room to talk.” 

“Touché,” Justin conceded, rising to his feet and pulling on his back pack. He first helped Daphne up then reached down to grab Brian’s rollerblades. “So when did you get a car?” 

The ten minute drive to the coffee shop, Justin did his best to keep the conversation trained away from anything serious. He just wanted to enjoy his time with Daphne. Justin had missed her a great deal over the past six months and was eager to find out what had happened in her life. 

Then Daphne caught him off guard and Justin found himself doing all of the talking. 

“So do I get to hear about this really great guy you’re staying with or are you just going to keep him a secret?” 

Justin felt a smile curving his lips at his friend’s question. “His name’s Brian. He’s so beautiful, Daph. He looks like he stepped right out of a Michaelangelo painting. Or GQ. The painting when he’s naked and the magazine when he’s dressed. I swear there’s not a thing in his closet that isn’t a designer label. We met the night his son was born. God, Daph, you should have seen the way that he held Gus. The baby fit perfectly in his hands. It was so beautiful. I hope someone took a picture....” 

His voice trailed off as he realized for the first time where they were. He hadn’t been paying attention to the road for quite some time, especially not after Daphne had asked him about Brian and was caught off guard when he noticed them turning the corner onto his old street. 

“Daph, what’s going on? The coffee shop is in the other direction,” Justin said, trying his best to remain calm. 

“I thought we’d go see your mom,” Daphne told him. “She’s been worried half to death about you so she’ll be thrilled to see you’re all right.” 

Justin glared at her, his right hand gripping the door handle. “Stop the car, Daph. Either stop the car or turn around. I’m not going to see my mother. I want nothing to do with her. Now stop the fucking car.” 

“But, Justin....” 

If his back pack and Brian’s rollerblades hadn’t been in the back seat he would have attempted to just out of the car while it was still moving. There was no way that he was going to leave his sketchbooks behind so that meant having to wait for Daphne to stop the car which wouldn’t be until she pulled into his driveway. 

“Look, Justin, I really think you should at least talk to your mom. It’ll do you both good,” Daphne tried to reason with him, but Justin was beyond listening to reason. Especially not any Daphne had to offer. 

“I can’t believe you would do this, Daph,” Justin hissed as he pulled into the drive. His anger towards his best friend only increased when he caught sight of his mother working on her garden at the front of the house. “I told you I didn’t want to see her.” 

“She’s your mother, Justin.” 

Before the car even stopped completely, Justin had the door open and was bolting out of the vehicle. He heard his mother shout his name but ignored her. Daphne had probably figured that he would forget everything she had done once he saw his mother, but that was anything but true. Seeing her only brought back all the anger he felt towards his mother for abandoning him. 

Quickly pulling open the back door of the car, Justin pulled out his back pack and the roller blades. He paused only long enough to slip the bag on before grabbing a blade in each hand and taking off down the street. 

“Justin, wait! Come back!” 

Whether it was his mother or Daphne who shouted the final pleas after him, Justin didn’t know or care. Justin ran as fast as he could, wanting to get to the park a few blocks from his parent’s home so that he could put the rollerblades back on. He wanted to get as far away from his mother and Daphne as possible. At least he hadn’t told Daphne where he was staying or else he didn’t doubt that his mother would show up at the loft. 

At the moment, though, Justin wasn’t going to the loft. It was barely even nine-thirty and he didn’t have to be at the diner until noon. That left him two and a half hours to wander Pittsburgh and figure out just why his best friend had betrayed him. 

Seated on a bench at the edge of the park, Justin switched his runners for the rollerblades. He knew that his mother and Daphne weren’t going to come after him. Not so soon. That he would see them again, though, Justin had no doubt. There was no doubt in his mind that one, if not both of the women, would show up at some point during his shift. Of course, just because they were there didn’t mean that Justin had to even acknowledge their presence. At the moment he wanted nothing to do with either of them. It would undoubtedly be a long while before he consented to willingly being around either of them. 

Rollerblades back on, Justin tied the laces of his runners to one of the bungie cords on the back of his bag before slipping the straps over his shoulders. He didn’t get up immediately, though. His attention was momentarily diverted by a pair of four year olds running around the playground, screaming and laughing while their parents watched on. Justin felt a sudden pang, knowing that once upon a time he and Daphne had played like that. A lifetime ago it had been the two of them bounding around the playground with unlimited amounts of energy. 

Heaving a sigh, Justin pushed himself off the bench and skated away. He didn’t have any set destination in mind, wanting only to get as far away as possible. Not sure how long it would take him to get to Liberty Avenue, Justin decided that it would be best to head in that direction. He could always explore the shops that lined the avenue if he got there too early. 

“Hey, Sunshine, what’s the rush?” 

Justin slowed down in order to meet Debbie at the end of her driveway. “No rush. I just had some free time on my hands so I thought I’d go blading before I had to go into the diner.” 

“Well you happened by just in time to escort a lady to work,” Debbie smiled at him. She waited for him to switch back into his runners before joining him on the sidewalk. “So, how did you meet Brain?” 

“Meet Brian?” Justin repeated, glancing over at Debbie out of the corner of his eye. 

“That’s what I asked, kiddo,” Debbie confirmed with a nod. “It’s not often that the infamous Brian Kinney lets someone stay with him. They’re always out the door as soon as he’s done fucking them. So I’m just curious about what makes you so different.” 

“I’m not different,” Justin tried, hoping to dissuade her. 

Debbie laughed loudly, throwing her head back. “Hun, that’s the understatement of the century! There has to be something different about you for Brian to take such an interest. Brian doesn’t form attachments very well. I’ve known him most of his life and in that time he’s let only about a handful of people get really close to him and that was always after wearing him down first. Then there’s you, a kid who just shows up out of nowhere and instantly has Brian’s full attention. I’m just trying to figure out what it is that makes you so different.” 

Justin furrowed his brows, desperately attempting to resist the urge he felt to bolt down the street. Instead, he clutched tightly at the blades and forced himself to keep pace with Debbie. 

“Can we just.... Can we not talk about this?” Justin stammered, turning his head towards the eccentric redhead. “I’m not really removed from any of this yet and....” 

Debbie lightly touched his arm, offering comfort, but taking it away as soon as she felt Justin tense. “No problem, kiddo. There’s plenty of things to talk about and we’ve got enough of a walk to get started.” 

It was Debbie who did most of the talking as they made their way towards the diner and continued to do so once they reached Liberty Diner. Three hours into the shift and Justin didn’t think that she’d stopped talking once. In sharp contrast, Justin barely said anything at all. Once upon a time, he would have flirted back with all the men attempting to flirt with him. He managed to avoid most of the groping hands in search of his ass, flashing the perpetrators a toothy grin in hopes of saving himself from further advances. 

“You’re here.” 

Justin was beginning to wish that he hadn’t left the loft that morning. The day just kept going from bad to worse. First Daphne’s betrayal, his narrowly escaped confrontation with his mother, the groping customers and now Michael. No matter what Brian wanted to believe, Justin knew that Michael didn’t like him. 

“I work here,” Justin told him as he cleared a table. 

“Hey, Mikey!” 

Distracted by his mother, Michael left Justin alone. Justin was relieved and went back to bussing tables. 

As the next hour and a half wore on, Justin found himself becoming more and more at ease in the diner, towards the end even trading barbs with the diner’s patrons. He was enjoying himself immensely, his creative nature fed by the vast array of people who came in and out of the diner. 

Of course, Justin knew that it couldn’t last forever. With barely a half hour left in his shift, his mother made an appearance just as he had predicted she would. 

“Justin, please don’t run away,” Jennifer pleaded when Justin made a move towards the back of the diner. “I just want to talk to you.” 

Whirling around, Justin glared at the woman he had once loved as though she were a stranger. “Why should I listen to anything you have to say? You let him wipe away my life and tossed me out on the street. I want nothing to do with you ever again. So just get the hell out of here. I’m not your son anymore.” 

“No, Justin. You’re my son and I l--” 

“Don’t you say it,” Justin hissed, the venom in his voice silencing the entire diner. “You don’t have the right.” 

That being said, Justin disappeared into the back of the diner where only employees were allowed. His entire body was trembling and he nearly dropped the bin of dishes he was holding. Setting it down on a table and immediately dropped into a crouch, his head between his knees as he felt a wave of nausea overtook him. 

A hand on his shoulder startled Justin so that he fell back onto his rear. Debbie was kneeling next to him, concern evident on her features. “You all right, Sunshine?” 

Justin nodded his head, not trusting his voice to speak. 

“I don’t know what’s going on with your life, Justin, but I do know that if you let things with your mother end like this, you’ll regret it the rest of your life,” Debbie offered, lightly stroking his hair. 

“Let me know when she leaves,” he mumbled, not meeting Debbie’s eyes. 

With a sigh, Debbie rose to her feet and headed out into the main part of the diner. He was glad to be alone. Justin wasn’t ready to deal with his mother. He couldn’t look at her without a feeling of intense hatred welling up in the pit of his stomach. She had stood by and let his father throw him out of their family. She hadn’t raised a finger to help him or let him know that she still cared. Justin didn’t feel like he owed her a thing. 

“Deb said you were hiding back here.” 

Justin’s head shot up when he heard Brian’s voice. Decked out in a charcoal grey Armani suit, black silk shirt and tie, the ad exec looked completely out of place in the dingy room yet to Justin seemed to fit right in. On his feet in an instant, Justin wound his arms about Brian’s neck and leaned into his welcoming embrace. 

“I was beginning to think that this day would never end,” Justin mumbled into Brian’s chest, inhaling the comforting scent of his cologne. 

“That bad?” Brian asked, his voice muffled against the top of the teen’s head. 

Justin laughed mirthlessly. “You have no fucking idea.”


	7. Subdued Sunshine

It wasn’t very hard for Brian to figure out that it was the blonde woman Deb was talking to that had Justin so upset Even if he hadn’t noticed the resemblance between the two, the look on her face when Deb told him that Justin was in the back was a dead give away. At a distance, Brian had been able to see the tears in her eyes that were so similar to Justin’s. 

However, when he saw Justin curled in on himself on the floor in the small storage room at the back of the diner, Brian knew that it was more than just the blonde’s presence that had thrown off his day. 

“You ready to get out of here?” Brian asked, ducking his head down so that he could look into Justin’s bowed face. 

A ghost of a smile flickered across Justin’s features at that. “You don’t have to ask me twice.” 

“Then you go get your stuff,” Brian instructed, pulling away from the teen. “I need to go have a word with Deb so I’ll meet you out front.” 

Leaving Justin to gather his belongings, Brian headed back into the main part of the diner where Deb and the blonde were still talking at the counter. 

“All right, Deb, what’s going on with Justin?” Brian demanded as he stepped up to the two women. 

Immediately, both women’s eyes were fastened on him. Ignoring the blonde, Brian kept his full attention on Deb, waiting for her answer. He had his suspicions, but wanted confirmation before he acted. 

“Brian, have you met Sunshine’s mom?” 

Instantly, Brian’s entire demeanor hardened. “So you’re the bitch who threw Justin out like he was a piece of garbage. Some mother you are.” 

“Brian!” Deb admonished, smacking him upside the head. 

Brian momentarily turned his glare towards Deb before redirection it to Justin’s mother. “So, Deb, has she told you what she and her husband did when they found out Justin was gay? How they kicked him out that very night then when Justin came back to try and work things out they threw out everything he owned.... I don’t know, Deb, my family has always been a little fucked up, but is that how parents are supposed to react when you tell them you’re gay?” 

“I didn’t have a choice,” the blonde protested. “I had my daughter to think about.” 

“Now I get it!” Brian declared, letting out a bout of bitter laughter. “Justin wasn’t perfect so he was expendable. It all makes sense now.” 

“There was nothing I could do,” she lamented, daintily wiping at the tears which slid down her cheeks. 

Brian leaned back against the counter, a smirk twisting his lips. “That’s pretty easy to say when you’re the one who’s spent the past six months safely tucked away at home. Unfortunately, Justin wasn’t so lucky.” 

“Six months? Sunshine’s only been with you since Friday,” Deb pointed out, but Brian ignored her completely. 

His attention was already focused on Justin who had just walked out from behind the counter. He waited until the teen was closer then took one of the rollerblades from Justin’s hands and wrapped his other arm around his shoulders. Justin leaned into him gratefully and slipped his free arm across Brian’s waist from behind. 

“Justin, please--” 

“Let’s go, Justin,” Brian said, cutting the woman off. 

The young artist didn’t say a word as Brian led him from the diner. He could feel Justin trembling against him and knew that he had to get him out of there before he broke down. It would do no good for Justin to break in front of his mother. So Brian quickly got them out of the diner, not paying Deb’s shouts any mind. 

“Why can’t she just leave me alone?” Justin wondered aloud as the two of them walked down the sidewalk towards the jeep. His voice cracked as he spoke and Brian held him tighter, brushing a quick kiss against Justin’s temple. “I just... I just want to fix my life. Get everything sorted out. I want them out of my life until I decide to let them back in. It should be my choice.” 

“It is your choice,” Brian told him, stepping down off the curb to cross the street. “The thing with parents is that they don’t always know that. So we remind them. Like you did today.” 

Justin looked up at him, a slight smile playing on his lips. “You sure you weren’t a shrink in another life?” 

“I was Freud, didn’t you know?” Brian said, playing along. “I’m the one who came up with the theory that everything in life revolves around sex.” 

That got a laugh out of Justin. A loud, boisterous laugh. Over the weekend, Brian had gotten a few chuckles out of the teen, but nothing so open, so free. He was glad to see Justin relaxing. Brian wasn’t a fool, though. He knew that Justin was far from recovering emotionally from the events of the past six months. It had barely even been three days since Justin had escaped from Damian’s obsessive hold. Brian had helped the process along, but the choice had ultimately been Justin’s. That the teen hadn’t gone chasing after Damian despite Brian’s attempts to let him know that the teen wasn’t entirely broken. 

“So how did your mother find out where you were?” Brian asked as they drove back towards the loft. 

Justin scratched absently at the bridge of his nose wit his middle finger, a sure sign that he was upset. “Fuckin’ Daphne. It was good at first, you know. I got to see my best friend for the first time in six months. She suggested that we go to this coffee shop near where I used to live. I should have figured it out right then. There’s a zillion places in Pittsburgh we could have gone. Why there?” 

“She took you to your parents, didn’t she?” Brian guessed, glancing quickly at Justin before turning his attention back to the road. “Leave it to a woman. They’re eternal meddlers. It’s in the genes.” 

“This wasn’t meddling,” Justin insisted with a shake of his head. “I told Daphne that I didn’t want to see my mother. I’m not ready to see her and I don’t want to listen to her reasons for letting my father throw me out. But Daphne didn’t listen. She took it upon herself to ignore what I wanted and did what she wanted.” 

“Another annoying characteristic of women... and best friends.” 

The two men were silent for the rest of the journey to the loft. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, something that Brian found incredibly odd. Throughout the course of his life there had been only a few people that Brian had felt comfortable around in so short a time. Michael and Lindsay were the only two. Now Justin was to be added to that very short list. Truth be told, the teen was in an entirely different class. After graduating from Penn State, Brian and Michael had attempted to make up for lost time by living together in a small apartment just off Liberty Ave. 

Twenty-four hours later they were ready to kill each other. 

Michael had moved back home with Deb and Brian had kept the small apartment, struggling to pay the rent on his own for the first few months. Then he had made his presence known at Ryder Agencies and earned a larger pay check. Three years later he had saved enough money to make a down payment on the loft and the image he had always longed to promote for himself became more solidified. Part of that image was his unattainable nature. It added an aura of mystery to his existence and also kept him from being hurt by others. 

It was a lesson that Justin hadn’t learned. The teen left himself entirely too open to other people and that let them hurt him like Damian had. Still, Brian wouldn’t have changed the way that Justin was. It was that openness, the one which had caused Justin so much pain, that Brian found so appealing. As much as the world had hurt Justin, the teen was still out there and kicking. 

“So do I still get a sample of your cooking abilities tonight?” Brian asked as they rode the elevator up to the loft. “We kind of missed out on it yesterday.” 

Justin cocked an eyebrow in his direction. “And who’s fault is that?” 

“Yours,” Brian said matter of factly. “You’re the one who insisted on getting the strawberries.” 

“Well I didn’t see you complaining,” Justin reminded him, throwing open the gate to the elevator and stepped onto the sixth floor. 

Brian would have had to be a fool to complain about the strawberry distraction that had taken place the previous afternoon. The whole thing hadn’t even involved the removal of clothes, Brian seated on the lounge chair, Justin straddling his lap as they shared a quart of incredibly juicy berries and talked for a good two hours. Justin had been smiling almost non-stop the entire time, his lips painted an enticing red from the strawberry juice. 

The entire time they had been feeding each other the strawberries, at the back of his mind Brian found himself wondering not for the first time how Damian could hurt Justin. Whenever Justin would smile, Brian was caught off guard by his beauty. Everything that Justin was feeling was visible for all to see right there on his face. 

“Where do you keep your tequila?” 

Brian set his rollerblades down and stepped out of the closet, giving Justin a strange look. “Do I need to start locking the liquor cabinet?” 

Justin’s head was buried in a cupboard so he didn’t see the look. “It’s for the marinade for the shrimp. You don’t have a problem with spicy foods, do you?” 

“Not that I know of.” 

“Good because this definitely packs a punch,” Justin told him as he dumped an armful of ingredients on the counter. Egg noodles, a couple jalepeno peppers, garlic, tomatoes, a bag of frozen shrimp, an assortment of herbs-- 

And a bottle of tequila. “So what exactly are you cooking up, Wolfgang?” 

“Actually, I saw this on Emeril Live,” Justin corrected Brian, once again heading back towards the cupboards. “Most of it anyway. The rest I just kinda made up.” 

“And is this creation of yours actually digestible?” 

Justin flashed him a wide grin as he upended the shrimp into a bowl. “Of course.” 

Regardless of his reservations about Justin’s cooking abilities, once Justin got things under way and the foods aroma started to fill the loft, Brian had to admit that he smelled really good. That wasn’t a guarantee that what Justin was cooking would be edible. Brian had learned that from experience on more than one occasion in the past. Even now, years later, Brian still felt queasy whenever Lindsay suggested cooking him something. He had learned the hard way when they were in college and Lindsay had tried to make him dinner. 

“So, chef, what’s the name of this dish?” Brian asked as he began to set the table. 

Justin poured the cooked egg noodles from the strainer into a serving dish. On top of the noodles he added the sauce of tomatoes and shrimp and everything else that had been in the marinade. “I just call it Tequila Shrimp a là Justin. It doesn’t have a real name.” 

“Tequila Shrimp a là Justin,” Brain repeated with a grin. “Not the most unique thing I’ve ever heard, but definitely original.” 

“That... makes no sense whatsoever,” Justin said, picking up the dish and carrying it over to the table. 

“You’ll figure it out.” 

Brian had to admit that he enjoyed the meal. He had been a little wary about trusting Justin in his kitchen, but the mess was mediocre and the food stellar. Justin seemed quite pleased with himself, unable to stop grinning the entire time. Brian just enjoyed watching him, more often than not he found himself staring at Justin’s mouth while the teen ate. He became especially entranced whenever Justin would pick up one of the small shrimp and wrap his lips around it before sucking it into his mouth. 

“Do I have something on my face?” Justin asked, covering his food-filled mouth with his right hand. 

Brian caught himself immediately, taking a large gulp from his glass of wine. “Once we go get this cleaned up we’re going to go pester Mikey at the Big Q.” 

In an instant, Justin’s smile was gone. “You go. I’ll stay here and clean the place up.” 

Brian pointed at Justin with his fork. “Oh no. You’re the one who needs to school supplies so you get to suffer with me.” 

“Already?” Justin groaned dramatically. “I thought I’d get a few more days off school.” 

“Already,” Brian confirmed, an evil grin on his face. “Cynthia worked her voodoo and got you enrolled at U.S. Grant about five blocks from here. You start first thing in the morning so enjoy your last night of freedom.” 

Brian wasn’t a fool, though, and while Justin did all teens proud proclaiming the lack of purpose in attending high school, he knew that was not the real reason the teen wasn’t eager to go shopping for school supplies. He knew full well that Justin was convinced that Michael didn’t like him. What he couldn’t convince the teen was that it wasn’t him that Michael didn’t like. It was more the idea of Justin and what he meant in Brian’s life that he didn’t approve of. Something that Brian found incredibly difficult to comprehend when even he wasn’t sure what Justin meant to him. 

So Brian avoided thinking about what Justin actually meant in his life and instead focused on doing what he needed to help Justin get his life back under his control. Which included going back to school despite the teen’s best attempts to put it off. 

Keeping one eye on Justin as he sorted through the various school supplies in the stationary section, Brian picked up the help phone at the end of the aisle and dialed the extension for Michael’s phone. 

“Michael Novotny,” his friend answered as he picked up his Big Q issue portable phone. 

“Hey, Mikey, where are you?” Brian asked, shaking his head at the no name spiral notebook Justin was holding up and pointed towards the Five Star one. 

“Brian? What the hell are you doing here?” Michael demanded, sounding more annoyed than shocked. It wasn’t the first time Brian had talked to him via the Big Q’s help phone. 

Turning, Brian smiled at Justin who was scanning the vast array of pens and pencils that hung from their pegs. “Shopping for school supplies. So get your ass over here.” 

“Brian--” 

“Now, Mikey,” Brian ordered, hanging up the phone abruptly. He then walked over to Justin and draped an arm across his shoulders. “What have you got so far?” 

Justin held up the red basket for his inspection. “A couple notebooks, pens, pencils, erasers, calculator. Do you know whether I’m taking math or not? ‘Cause if I’m not, I don’t need a calculator.” 

“The school said that they’d figure out a schedule for you. I told Cynthia to make sure that they put you in an art class so I know you’ll at least be taking that,” Brian said as he took the basket from Justin. “So do you need anything else?” 

Justin furrowed his brows, his eyes once again scanning over the aisle’s contents. “I don’t think so. I already have all of the art stuff.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Brian caught sight of Michael approaching them. “So how’s life at the Big Q, Mikey?” 

“Boring as ever,” Michael said with a smirk. “So you’re bankrolling the Boy Wonder’s education now, are you?” 

Brian pursed his lips, trying his best to ignore the sarcastic tone of his voice when referring to Justin. “I hardly think sending him to public school and paying twenty bucks for school shit is bankrolling his education. Hell, he probably made enough in tips to cover it.” 

“I did, so I can--” 

“I’m paying for this,” Brian said, lightly bumping Justin’s forehead with his own. “You’re saving up your money for something useful.” 

“So you agree that school’s not useful?” Justin asked hopefully, one of his wide grins on his face. 

Realizing what he had done, Brian had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling back at him. “No, I’m not agreeing. You’re going to school tomorrow. End of discussion.” 

“You’re no fun,” Justin grumbled, taking the basket from him and heading towards the next aisle, leaving Brian and Michael alone. 

“You know he’s just using you, Brian,” Michael said as soon as Justin disappeared from sight. “I thought you were smarter than that.” 

Brian pinched the bridge of his nose, curbing his instinctual reaction. “You don’t know what you’re talking about, Mikey. I know Justin, you don’t.” 

“But you don’t know Justin either,” Mikey pointed out. 

“I know a lot more than you think,” Brian countered, idly picking up pens and putting them down on different pegs. 

“More than the size of his dick, Brian.” 

Glaring at his best friend, Brian crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you want to know? His favourite movie? Yellow Submarine. What does he want to do with his life? He wants to be a cartoon animator. Any allergies? Just about every drug on the market. Especially codeine. Things he likes to do? Draw and cook. He’s fucking fantastic artist. I’ve seen his sketchbooks. What type of music does he like? Anything but that classical crap. That’s a direct quote, by the way. You want something difficult?” 

“I do. Why is he staying with you and not with his parents?” Michael demanded, not backing down. 

“Because his family is more like mine than yours,” was the answer Brian gave him. “Look, Mikey, I don’t expect you to understand. I don’t understand all of the things you do. All I ask is that you trust me. That I know what I’m doing. Okay?” 

Michael seemed on the verge of a tantrum for a moment, then nodded his head. “Fine.” 

“And take it easy on him,” Brian added. “He’s had a rough time lately so don’t add to it.” 

With that, Brian turned and went off in search of Justin who he found two aisles over looking at kiddy colouring books.


	8. Subdued Sunshine

Though he would never tell Brian, Justin had heard every word that Michael had said while they were in the Big Q. He knew that Michael meant a lot to Brian and didn’t want to damage that. After all, he was nothing but an outsider, some fucked up kid that Brian was helping for reasons that Justin still couldn’t figure out. So Justin pretended that he hadn’t heard what Michael had said and moved over a few extra aisles to the kid books. 

“Let’s get out of here. The air in here is starting to get to me,” Brian said out of nowhere, startling Justin. 

Crouched down to look at the colouring books on the bottom shelf, Justin let out a surprised cry and dropped onto his rear. 

Brian started to laughed and reached down to help Justin up. “You’re jumpy.” 

“It kinda happens when people sneak up on me,” Justin smirked, using Brian’s hand as leverage as he hauled himself to his feet. 

“Trust me, if I was sneaking up on you, you’d know,” Brian said with a smirk as he leaned down to pick up the basket Justin had discarded. 

When they left the aisle, Justin caught sight of Michael heading in the opposite direction. Justin watched the other man for only a moment before following Brian towards the check-outs. He was just as eager to get out of the store as Brian was, though for a completely different reason. The father away from Michael he was the better. Right from the start there had been something about the other man that just hadn’t sat right with him. 

Something other than Michael’s original harsh comments directed at him. What he had said Saturday morning in the diner, Justin could completely understand. After all, Brian was his best friend and was only looking out for him. Justin would have done the same thing for Daphne even though he was too furious to look at her then. 

It was a relief when they finally left the Big Q. As they made their way back towards the jeep, Brian took out his cell phone and make a quick call that didn’t consist of anything more than saying, “We’re coming over.” Brian said only that simple sentence to whomever had answered on the other end before hanging up. 

“Munchers.” 

Justin stared up at Brian as though he’d grown a second head. “What?” 

“The munchers,” Brian said more slowly as he deactivated the jeep’s alarm. “My Sonnyboy’s dyke mommies. Lindsay called me earlier and said that she needed to see me. So we’re going over. To see what she wants and to bother Mel.” 

“You don’t like Melanie, do you?” Justin asked as he climbed into the jeep. 

“I wouldn’t be upset if she was gone,” Brian confirmed, sticking the key in the ignition. “The only problem is that Lindsay likes her so I’m stuck with her for the rest of my life. Or until she figures out some way to do away with me.” 

Justin snorted in amusement. He knew that Brian was overplaying it. No matter how much they annoyed one another, Justin was sure that neither wished the other any serious harm. 

“A million dollars?” 

Of course, since he didn’t really know them that well it was possible for him to make mistakes. 

Melanie grinned up at Brian from where she was sitting next to Lindsay on the couch. “That’s the general idea.” 

“A million fucking dollars?” Brian repeated, meeting Justin’s eyes for a moment before turning towards the two women. 

From the way he was standing and the slightly nervous look he’d seen in Brian’s eyes, Justin could tell that he didn’t much care for Melanie’s suggestion. Not that Justin could blame him. Brian was only twenty-nine so the idea of taking out a life insurance policy had to be unnerving. It wasn’t something a person normally thought about until they were about fifty. For a man in his prime it was like a death sentence. 

“Well the answer’s no,” Brian said, throwing the pen own onto the coffee table. “Definitely not,” he emphasized, dropping the life insurance forms as well. 

Melanie obviously didn’t grasp the reason for Brian’s unease. That or she didn’t care. 

“I don’t understand what the problem is,” she said as she rose to her feet. “I mean Lindsay told me you offered to support him.” 

Lindsay looked up from the small infant in her arms. “It was very generous.” 

“Well that’s different than a life insurance policy,” Brian pointed out, stepping around the coffee table towards Lindsay and the baby. 

Not to be outdone, Melanie moved back to the couch and sat down on Lindsay’s other side. And even though she may have been Gus’ other mother, there wasn’t the same ease between her and the infant as between father and son. Brian’s entire body seemed to relax as he leaned over Gus, lightly stroking the small pink cheek. 

“It’s simply in case something happens to you,” Melanie said, interrupting the moment between dadda and sonny boy. 

Snorting, Brian looked past Lindsay to her less than sympathetic partner. “Like I’m decapitated at a railroad crossing?” he asked sarcastically. His eyes didn’t contain a shred of malice as he lovingly caressed his son cheek with his index finger. Justin could tell that Brian was eager to hold the infant, but that he was content for the moment to let Lindsay hold him. “Or burned beyond recognition in a gas explosion? You know, I can just imagine all the grizzly deaths you’ve conjured up for me.” 

Melanie’s face was completely void of humour as was her voice when she spoke. “Like in case you get sick.” 

It was a very low blow, one that Justin was shocked she had gone for. He realized that he should have, though. When all else failed everyone played the AIDS card. His parents certainly had when they first found out about him. 

Only Brian didn’t seem too phased by it. Almost as though he had expected it. He looked up at Melanie silently, a wry smile on his face. “Ahhh. Even better.” 

“Considering you life,” Melanie shot back, not backing down in the least. “I mean when’s the last time you got tested?” 

Brian was right there going toe to toe with her. “Six months ago. I was negative.” 

“That’s twenty-six weeks and one hundred and eighty-two one night stands.” 

Even Justin had to admit that was a good come back on Melanie’s part. Justin also felt a little awe struck knowing that Brian had probably been with just that many men. Damian had ranted and raved several times about Brian and the fact that he either couldn’t get him or that Brian got the ones he wanted. Justin remembered feeling glad at the time that at least Damian wasn’t hurting someone else. 

“You know I’ve always admired people who could multiply in their heads,” Brian grumbled, bringing Justin’s thoughts back from those darker times. “And I’m always careful.” 

Lindsay finally seemed to sense the tension in Brian’s voice that Justin had been aware of for quite some time. “Look, this isn’t for us. It’s for our son. We need to make sure he’ll be provided for.” 

“And all I have to do is die,” Brian reminded them, throwing his arms out wide. 

Melanie reached over and picked up the life insurance papers along with the pen and held them out towards Brian for the second time that night. “Hopefully not before you sign these papers.” 

“Don’t you think that’s a little harsh?” Justin said, no longer able to keep quiet. 

The two women must have forgotten about him because they both jumped-- Lindsay only slightly on account of Gus --when he spoke. Brian didn’t react at all and Justin knew that it was because the other man had been aware of him at all times even though he didn’t show it outwardly. It made Justin feel safe, something he hadn’t experienced in a long time. 

“Look, Justin, I know that this may seem a little harsh--” Melanie began, but Justin was quick to cut her off. 

“A little? His son is barely even three days old and you’re asking him to take out a life insurance policy. Something I’m sure even you don’t have.” 

The guilty look on Melanie’s face was all the answer Justin needed. He leaned back in his chair, idly fiddling with one of the strings on his hooded long sleeve tee. 

“I’m telling you, this kid is a fucking genius,” Brian said, raising his shot of Jim Beam in toast. “I’ve never seen Mel shut up so fast in my life.” 

“You’d better be careful, kid, or you’re going to join Brian on Mel’s hit list,” Ted warned before taking a large gulp from his beer. “And, as a former member, I can assure you that it’s not a nice place to be.” 

Justin eyed the man warily as he fingered the neck of his beer bottle. 

“Oh don’t listen to Teddy!” Emmett chimed in, playfully smacking the other man’s arm. 

“I’m just giving him a head’s up. God knows he’ll need it if he starts to take after Brian,” Ted defended himself. 

Brian flung an arm across Justin’s shoulders, holding him close. “Justin’s tough. None of Mel’s bullshit’ll phase him.” 

Justin only wished that he could share Brian’s confidence. What he had said to Melanie hadn’t been meant to best her, only to point out the flaw in her logic. Still, it was nice to have someone stick him for him for a change. For what seemed like a lifetime, but had actually only been about six months, Justin had been forced to rely only on himself. There was never any predicting Damian’s moods. In the space of a moment Damian was liable to go from treating him like a prince to a whipping boy. 

“Table’s open,” Ted announced, heading towards the pool table they’d been waiting on for the past fifteen minutes. 

As the others began moving towards the table as well, Justin informed Brian that he needed to take a leak. It hadn’t been lost on Justin that Brian was watching him like a hawk when they were out in public places. Not much so at the Big Q, but once they had arrived at Woody’s, Justin had becomes more aware of it. Justin wasn’t stupid, though. He knew who Brian was keeping an eye out for and was doing the exact same thing. He didn’t want to be caught in Damian’s trap ever again. 

There were only a few men in the washroom when Justin entered. A group of them were already heading towards the exit for which Justin was glad. He wanted the quiet to help calm his nerves. The entire time he had been in the bar, Justin had felt slightly on edge. As though Damian would pop out of a crowd of people and suddenly be there. It wasn’t possible, though. Damian hated bars and would never set foot in Woody’s. There were no gyrating, half naked men to keep him occupied. 

“He won’t be here,” Justin said to his reflection. 

“Now that I wouldn’t be so sure of.” 

At the voice, Justin’s entire body tensed. He squeezed his eyes shut and willed himself into a different place. He had to have been hallucinating. Damian couldn’t be there. Not so soon. Justin was supposed to be allowed some time away from him. To get his life under control. 

The rest of the washroom’s inhabitants filed out then and Justin was left alone with Damian. 

“You’ve been very bad, Justin,” Damian hissed as he locked the door. “Leaving with Kinney like that. Not a very smart thing to do. But you should have known that. I could have sworn that I taught you better than that.” 

When he felt Damian’s hands on his hips, Justin’s eyes snapped open. His eyes going instantly to the mirror, Justin caught sight of Damian’s angry green eyes. At that moment, they were filled with so much rage that they appeared nearly black. Justin wanted to react. He wanted to do something to get himself away from Damian, but he couldn’t move. Not even when the doctor started to turn him away from the sink. 

“Now we’re not going to have any more of this foolishness, are we, Justin,” Damian stated, tightening his grip on Justin’s waist to emphasize his point. “You’re going to come back to the condo with me and we’re going to put all this foolishness behind us.” 

Inside his head, Justin was screaming at himself to tell Damian no. To pull away from him and walk out of that washroom. But he couldn’t. He was frozen to the spot and couldn’t-- 

“No.” 

Justin was more surprised to hear his voice than Damian was. He hadn’t thought that the word would actually come out no matter how hard he willed it. It had, though, and Justin knew that he was going to pay for it. 

“Why you little bastard,” Damian growled, shoving Justin back so that he was bent nearly double over the sink. The doctor leaned in close, forcing a painful amount of pressure on the small of his back. “You’re going to pay for that, kid. Nobody says no to me.” 

“Well... I just.... I just d-did,” Justin stammered, staring up at Damian in absolute terror. 

Now that he was actually talking, Justin wished that he had just kept silent. The last time he had spoken like that to Damian he had been unable to see straight for two days and had been hobbling around on a badly sprained ankle for a week. Here, with only hard surfaces to land against, Justin knew that it would be much worse. Knowing that Brian was so close only made it worse. Safety was just on the other side of the door, but he couldn’t get to it. 

“Now we’ve got to make sure that you don’t do something foolish like this again,” Damian said before swooping down and capturing his lips in a bruising kiss. 

Nearly out of breath from the painful angle Damian had forced his body into, Justin’s attempts to push the larger man away. Then he was sent hurtling across the room and into one of the stalls. Justin crashed through the door, hitting his upper arm on the rim of the toilet on his downfall. He tried to pull himself into the stall and shut the door before Damian got to him, but he couldn’t move fast enough. 

The doctor grabbed hold of his ankle and yanked him from the stall. Justin fumbled for something to grab onto and managed to latch onto one of the legs of the stall. He also found enough breath left in him to scream. As loud as he could until Damian kicked him in the ribs and forced all the air from his lungs. 

“Not very smart,” Damian informed him, straddling Justin’s chest and pulling his arms down to his sides. 

“Justin!” 

Hearing Brian’s shout sent relief flooding through the terrified teen. The door was still there, though, separating the two of them. Tears blurring his vision, Justin struggled and arched his back, hoping to through Damian off of him. 

“Justin, what’s going on?” Brian called through the wood as he pounded on the door. 

Damian clapped his hand over Justin’s mouth before he could respond. When Brian continued struggling with the door, Damian leaned over the blonde and hissed, “You tell him that everything is fine. Do you understand me, Justin? You tell him everything’s all right or else.” 

Out of the corner of his eye, Justin saw the gleam of Damian’s trusty knife. He knew full well what “or else” meant. 

“N-n... nothing....” Justin gasped out, his voice cracking. He doubted if Brian even heard him, but he couldn’t make his voice any louder. 

There was some rattling of the doorknob and Justin could only pray that someone had a key and was unlocking the door from the outside. Damian would bolt as soon as the door was open. Justin was sure of it. He would be gone and everything would be all right. Brian would be there. 

“We’re not finished, Justin,” Damian hissed in his ear. 

The weight was gone from his chest then. Justin didn’t bother to check where the doctor was, he just rolled onto his side and half crawled, half ran towards the door. His vision was obstructed by tears, but Justin could see the outline of the plain wood door against the blue paint. It was all that he could focus on. Brian was on the other side of the door. If he could get there then it would all be over. 

Using the doorknob for support, Justin hoisted himself up the rest of the way and leaned against the wall. He fought for a few moments to close his fingers around the latch for the lock. His left arm was still tingling from its connection with the toilet seat rim and his fingers felt twice as wide as normal. His right arm was against the wall, though, so he had to use his left hand. 

Justin nearly sobbed with relief when he felt the latch turn. 

Before he could even let his hand drop back to his side, he felt the door open. Then Brian’s arms were around him and it was really over.


	9. Subdued Sunshine

It had taken a long while, but Justin was finally asleep. Brian had practically had to force his eyelids shut, but at last sleep had finally overtaken the shaken teen. Propped up on one elbow next to him, Brian could only watch over Justin who was curled up on his side, his body nestled against Brian’s. For once, Justin hadn’t automatically covered himself with layers of clothing before getting into bed. Instead, he had stripped down completely, claiming that he wanted to feel as much of Brian’s skin against his as possible. Brian had given into Justin’s wants and held him close, his hands never leaving the teen’s body. 

Truthfully, Brian hadn’t fully let go of Justin since the washroom door had opened. According to the other people who had stumbled into the washroom immediately afterwards, someone had been crawling out of the window. Brian didn’t need to look to know who it was. He had known as soon as he heard Justin’s muffled scream echoing through the bar. Once the door had opened, however, Damian hadn’t mattered. Only Justin who had been hurt once again by the abusive doctor. The fresh bruises on his body attested to that. 

So Brian had done the only thing he could do which was hold onto the sobbing blonde who had all but collapsed into his arms following his ordeal. Three hours had passed between when Justin had been attacked and when he had finally fallen asleep yet Brian still didn’t know exactly what had happened. The particulars really didn’t matter to him any way. All that Brian cared about was that Justin was safe. Besides, the dark bruises on Justin’s pale skin told Brian all he needed to know. 

Even though three hours had passed, Brian still couldn’t shake the fear that had been coursing through his blood since he had first heard Justin’s scream. Justin had practically been sitting on his lap the entire ride back to the loft but Brian hadn’t cared. In fact, he had been holding onto Justin just as tightly, afraid that Damian would appear again and snatch Justin away from him. It was a completely irrational fear. Brian knew that. 

Still, it was one he was unable to shake. 

So he kept that fear away by watching Justin as he slept. At least there, in bed, he knew that Justin was safe. 

“Knew you were there,” Justin mumbled around a yawn, alerting Brian to the fact that he was awake. “On the other side of the door. All that I had to do was get to the door and it would be over. You’d be there and I’d be safe.” 

The entire time he had been speaking, Brian had kept his eyes transfixed on the purplish bruise on Justin’s upper arm. When Justin was silent, he moved his gaze slowly up the young artist’s body to his face. Smiling softly, he reached down and gently caressed his cheek. He didn’t speak at first. Didn’t trust his voice. So instead he leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss to his forehead, then his left temple, the bridge of his nose before lightly placing his lips to Justin’s. 

“You got out of that all on your own,” Brian murmured at last, brushing his nose against the teen’s. “I don’t know how you did it, but you got to that door all on your own. You are so fucking brave, Justin.” 

Small tremors shook the slight body and he shifted his body still closer to Brian’s. A tear slipped from the corner of his shimmering blue eyes, quickly trailing down the side of his face and onto the dark pillow beneath his head. Brian wiped the tear away immediately as he rolled towards Justin, blanketing the smaller body with his own. 

“I... I told... I told.... I told him no,” Justin stammered after a few failed attempts. He moved his head so that he could get a glimpse into Brian’s eyes, breathing in deeply to calm his nerves. “That I wouldn’t do... what he... wanted. I wouldn’t do what he wanted. Not again.” 

Brian pressed his lips to Justin’s again, silencing him. “He knows that now,” he whispered against the blonde’s mouth. “You got yourself out of there all on your own.... But now you need to get some rest.” 

The young blonde was sucking in sobs, his eyes never once wavering from Brian’s. Barely able to blink back his own tears, Brian reached up to smooth his fingers through Justin’s hair, brushing it away from his forehead. He could see the exhaustion winning out on Justin’s features so her remained silent, his fingers moving softly over all available surfaces of the blonde’s skin. It didn’t take long for sleep to overtake Justin once again. The day had been far too long for him already and it needed to be brought to an end. 

Only when he felt Justin’s grip on his body go lax did Brian let out loud breath. His head dropped lightly onto Justin’s chest and he allowed a few tears to drop onto the pale skin below him. If he was honest with himself, Brian would admit that he had no clue what he was doing. Brian hated to lose control of a situation and where Justin was concerned it was obvious that he never had it. There was no way that he could protect Justin from the doctor at all times. It had taken only a few moments for Damian to get to him in the washroom. 

However, Justin was safe at the moment. Damian couldn’t get to him there. So Brian allowed himself to relax. Allowed sleep to claim him as he laid wrapped around Justin’s smaller form. It took a while, but the darkness was able to lure him in and he did fall asleep somewhere around two in the morning. 

“Not again,” Brian grumbled as he returned to consciousness to the sound of a pencil on paper. He didn’t even need to open his eyes to know that he was being sketched by Justin again. “You’re lucky that I don’t have any energy right now or I’d pounce on you and take that sketch book away from you.” 

By that time Brian managed to crack an eye open and instantly caught sight of Justin with his face buried in his sketchbook. 

“If you’d sleep longer you wouldn’t even know,” Justin mumbled, glancing up for a few brief seconds before looking back down at what he was doing. 

Brian snorted and lazily made a grab for Justin’s knee. “Put the book down and get over here. It’s too early to be awake.” 

Justin set his sketchbook down and crawled across the deep blue duvet and into Brian’s arms. When he was close enough, Brian wrapped his long arms around Justin’s slender torso and pulled the teen against his chest. He smiled as Justin molded his pale body against Brian’s own and could not contain a relieved sigh when he felt Justin drape an arm across his waist. As soon as Justin got himself settled, Brian could feel the teen’s entire body relax. There was absolutely no tension in his body. 

“If you wanted to, you could skip out of school today,” Brian said against the top of Justin’s bright head. “After last night it would be completely understandable.” 

For several long minutes, Justin was silent and Brian was sure that he was going to take him up on his offer. Were he in Justin’s place, Brian would have gladly taken a day for himself to deal with what had happened. 

Yet Justin shook his head. 

“I want to go,” Justin said, pulling his head back in order to meet Brian’s eyes. “I should go. I want to be able to put that behind me so I shouldn’t dwell on it. I should just move on. Start a new day.” 

“Ignoring what happened won’t make it go away. It’ll just push it aside for the moment. Then it’ll come back worse than before,” Brian told him, his fingers once again finding their way into Justin’s hair. 

Justin furrowed his brows slightly, his gaze never wavering. “You sound like someone who speaks from experience.” 

“I am.” 

That wasn’t an admission Brian had intended to make, but now that it was in the open he knew that he couldn’t take it back. Brian lowered his head for a moment before breaking all contact with Justin and rolling away. He laid flat on his back, one hand resting on his stomach, the other messaging the bridge of his nose. It hadn’t been a conscious decision on any level, but Brian knew that he didn’t want to bring his own past into his relationship with Justin at such an early stage. Like everyone else, he had his own demons to face. Occasionally they even took on a physical form, particularly at the end of the month. 

“Brian, what are you...?” 

Allowing the hand blocking his face to fall above his head and onto the pillow, Brian shifted his gaze slightly sot hat he could see Justin’s confused countenance. “Trust me on this, Justin. Don’t let yourself pretend that everything’s all right when it’s not. It just doesn’t work that way.” 

Still so obviously confused, Justin nodded his head. “I won’t.” 

“Good,” Brian breathed out, lifting his hand from the pillow and reaching over to cup the back of Justin’s head. “Good. Now come here. The alarm hasn’t gone off yet so we still have time to sleep. Next time we wake up we’ll figure out just what’s going to happen today.” 

As soon as he had Justin snuggled safe within his arms, Brian was sound asleep. 

“You little bastard,” the monster growled, forcing alcohol-laced breath down Brian’s throat, choking him. “That smart mouth of yours has been nothing but an inconvenience since the day you were born.” 

“But I didn’t do anything,” came the frightened whimper from the eight-year-old who lay immobilized on his bed. 

He knew that it was a mistake to open his mouth when he felt the fist connect with his jaw. The monster hit him three more times before stopping. The pressure didn’t lift from his ribcage, though. While he cried out in pain, the monster continued to push down on him, pushing him into the mattress. 

“Your mother should have had that fucking abortion,” the monster hissed in his ear. “It would have made everything so much easier.” 

“Let me go....” little Brian sobbed, tugging futilely at the hand on his chest. 

The monster laughed savagely and pushed harder. “Not a chance, Sonnyboy. Not a chance.” 

“Nnnnnnooooooooo--” 

Brian’s voice was scream was cut off by the monster’s hand clamping down over his mouth and nose, cutting off the flow of oxygen. 

“Shut up, you little sissy!” 

“... Brian.... Brian, wake up....” 

Brian came awake with a gasp, his arm instinctively tightening around Justin as though he could keep the monster away from him. It took a few moments before Brian was able to orient himself to where he was and realize that more than twenty years had passed since that night and that it was over. 

“That must have been one hell of a dream,” Justin murmured, brushing Brian’s bangs away from his face. 

Letting out a loud breath, Brian squeezed his eyes shut and burrowed his face in Justin’s throat while he struggled to banish the memories back into the furthest reaches of his mind. The alarm went off just as he finally managed to lock them back behind their door. Reaching over Justin, Brian slammed the alarm off before flopping onto his back. 

“I get the feeling that you’re not following your own advice.” 

Brian glanced over at Justin with an arched eyebrow. “Advice about what?” 

“Pushing things away instead of dealing with them,” Justin said as he heaved himself up on his elbows. “If I’m not allowed to do it neither are you.” 

“And just what makes you think I’m not dealing with things?” 

Holding himself up on one elbow, Justin moved his fingers through Brian’s bangs which were damp from sweat. “The fact that you were squirming and doing quite a bit of moaning... and not the good kind. You were really freaked and now you’re acting like nothing’s happened.” 

“Says the kid who wants to go to school today after what happened last night,” Brian shot back, sliding an arm around Justin’s waist and pulling him close. 

“I want to do something normal,” Justin told him as he dropped onto his stomach. “I just want to feel normal again and going to school is a pretty big step towards that. That’s why I want to go. So I can start to be normal again.” 

Brian pressed a lingering kiss to Justin’s forehead. “You are normal. Damian’s the one who’s not normal.” 

“But I’m the one who doesn’t feel very normal right now,” Justin protested as he nuzzled his head under Brian’s chin. “I’m still waiting to wake up and find myself tied up to that fucking cross thing in Damian’s play room.” 

The last few words of that sentence were barely intelligible as tears overtook the teen’s voice. Brian did the only thing he could do which was hold onto him as the memories washed over him. There was no way that he could even begin to imagine what Justin had been through, nor did he want to. He also didn’t attempt to tell the artist that everything was all right. It was an empty promise that Brian had heard far too many times in his life from far too many people who didn’t know what they were talking about. 

Sucking back his tears, Justin once again met Brian’s gaze, his own blue eyes still shimmering with tears. “I don’t want to hide in fear.” 

“That’s the last thing you’d be doing,” Brian said emphatically. “After last night no one could say you’re scared. But if you really feel up to going--” 

“I do.” 

“--then I’m not going to stop you. It’s your life after all,” he finished, absently brushing the tears from the blonde’s cheeks with the pad of his right thumb. 

Justin smiled gratefully. “Thank you.” 

“Then we’d better get out of bed if we’re going to get ready on time.” 

The young artist slid out of the bed almost immediately and padded towards the bathroom to take a shower. Brian moved much more slowly, his attention drawn to the sketchbook Justin had abandoned a few hours before. What he saw when he picked it up was his own face gazing back at him. Eyes and nose only, but Brian recognized his own features instantly. With only the blue neon tubing as a source of light, the sketch possessed a remarkable amount of detail. The exact contour of his brows, the way his lashes rested against the upper swell of his cheekbones, even the few wisps of his bangs that had fallen from seemingly out of nowhere to rest across his left eye. 

The sound of the shower turning on pulled Brian from his contemplation of Justin’s art. He rolled to his feet in a single movement and walked across the mattress in the direction of the bathroom before stepping onto the platform then the floor. Brian scratched at the back of his head as he moved across the room, a monstrous yawn attempting to stretch his jaw further than it wanted to go. 

Brian stopped in the doorway, his eyes locked on Justin’s form on the other side of the glass doors the encased the shower. Already steam had fogged the surface, fading Justin’s profile and bruises that marred his skin. 

Shaking his head, Brian stepped into the bathroom, making a beeline for the shower. He opened the door and slipping in quickly so as not to let much steam out. Brian wanted to lock as much of the heat in as possible. Heat was something that he craved. More than anything in the world, even more than the most intense orgasm, Brian loved to feel heated from the inside out. It often made him wonder why he didn’t just move somewhere more tropical, but he knew the answer to that was because the warmth would be an inevitability. Living in the cold of Pittsburgh, being warm reminded him that he was still alive. 

In the process of sudsing his hair, Justin looked up as Brian entered the shower, a small smile appearing on his face. It was a smile that Brian returned automatically as he stepped towards Justin, his fingers slipping into the teen’s hair along side his own. 

Neither of them spoke as Brian continued what he was doing while Justin’s hands slid down Brian’s arms to massage his shoulders. Using Justin’s hair as leverage, Brian titled the smaller man’s head to the side so that he could begin kissing a trail along his jaw before taking the full bottom lip between his own. Justin moaned at that and tightened his grip on Brian’s shoulders as he allowed the tip of his tongue to poke out and explore the groove above Brian’s upper lip that led to his nose. Sure that Justin was relaxed by this point, Brian shifted his head upwards slightly so that their mouths came in full contact. 

Somehow, though he would be hard pressed to explain exactly how it had happened, the two of them managed to get out of the shower clean and on time and without having done anything more strenuous than the intense lip lock that had lasted throughout most of their showering experience. It had been a silent agreement between the two of them, albeit undiscussed and unconscious, that it wouldn’t be anything more than that on that particular morning. There was a quick fondle or two while they got dressed, Justin in his jeans and long sleeve tee and Brian in his designer suit, but even those were of the more playful variety rather than the sexual. 

Rather than analyzing it, Brian instead chose to enjoy the morning, knowing that his day would be far from enjoyable once he arrived at work. The same would be most likely be true for Justin upon returning to school after a six month absence.


	10. Subdued Sunshine

It was like being transported tot he Twilight Zone. Justin hadn’t set foot in a school in six months and now he was suddenly back. When Brian had first pulled the jeep up in front of the old, brick building, Justin hadn’t thought that it was actually real. That he was at school again. Inside, though, the halls teeming with teenagers, Justin knew for a fact that he wasn’t having some strange dream. 

“Hey, where’s the office?” Justin asked a girl with bright green hair and tight black clothes. 

The girl smiled brightly and pointed to her right. “Just down that way. You can’t miss it. I’m Sally, by the way.” 

“Justin. Nice to meet you,” Justin replied automatically, already moving the way she had directed. 

“So what’s your story?” Sally asked, jogging to catch up with Justin who had already walked past one classroom. 

Justin paused and turned towards Sally who had caught up to him by that point. “You want my story? What story?” 

Sally gave him a pointed look and jerked her head, indicating that they continue towards the office. “Why you’re here. You’re new here so there’s gotta be a reason why you switched schools. Besides, it’s my believe that everyone has a story. I’ll bet you wouldn’t guess that I was a cheerleader until last year.” 

“A cheerleader?” Justin snorted, his eyes skimming over her shoulder length green hair, pierced right eyebrow, tight black clothing and combat boots. 

Abruptly handing Justin her well worn leather letter bag, Sally jumped in front of Justin, forcing him to stop as she took on a traditional cheerleading opening stance. Her hands then began to move in a flurry of motion that Justin could barely follow with his eyes before beginning her chant. “Go! Go! Come on Eagles let’s go! Go! Let’s fight! Victory tonight!” Her chant and clapping routine finished, Sally dropped into a split with her hands raised over her head. 

As nearby students began to clap and cheer, Justin could feel his cheeks heat up. 

“Thanks, everyone! I’ll be here all week!” Sally called as she hopped to her feet and took a bow. She then turned her mega watt smile on Justin and scooped her bag from his lax hand. “See, ex-cheerleader. They disowned me when I started to tap into my inner Rainbow Brite. So now that I’ve shared my story it’s time to hear yours.” 

“It’s nowhere near as interesting as that,” Justin said with a smirk as they started towards the office again. 

Sally looped the strap of her back over her head sot hat it rested on her left shoulder. “Come on, try me. What brings you to our hallowed halls?” 

Never one to hide the truth, Justin opted to tell her what really happened though with a little bit of editing. “My parents found out I was gay and disowned me so now I’m staying with a friend.” 

“He go here?” Sally asked then immediately rolled her eyes. “Duh. Of course not or else he’d be the one showing you to the office. So is he in college or something?” 

Justin shook his head, opening the door to the office and motioning for Sally to enter first. “No, he’s an ad exec.” 

“Ahhh, a sugar daddy,” Sally teased as she stepped up to the counter. “Mrs. Dewherst! Come out, come out wherever you are!” 

“He’s not a sugar daddy,” Justin insisted as they waited for the middle aged woman to reach the counter. 

“Fuck buddy,” Sally amended out of the side of her mouth before turning her charm onto the secretary. “Hey, Mrs. Dewherst, it’s Justin’s first day so I brought him to see you cause I’m sure you’ve got all sorts of forms for him to sign.” 

The woman smiled fondly at Sally before sifting through the file folders in front of her. “Here we are. Justin Taylor. Yes, I spoke with Ms. Matthews yesterday about your enrollment.” 

While Mrs. Dewherst rattled off about the different forms Justin needed to fill out or sign, Justin gave her only half his attention as he tried to figure out what Sally was searching for in her bag. Her face was scrunched up and she seemed determined to find whatever it was she was looking for. At the same time she gave a silent “Ah ha!” the secretary placed the stack of forms in front of him. 

“It would be very helpful if you could bring these back as soon as possible so that we can get them processed,” Mrs. Dewherst explained as she handed him his schedule. “Your class numbers and teachers are all listed here and your teachers have all been informed of your addition so you should have no problems.” 

Sally chose that moment to interject, smiling sweetly at the secretary. “Do you think you could scrounge Justin and I up a couple of late passes for second period?” 

“And just why would I want to do that?” Mrs. Dewherst inquired even as she reached towards the pad of admit slips. “First period hasn’t even started.” 

“Because I’m going to give Justin a tour so he doesn’t feel so overwhelmed by our wonderful school,” Sally said as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. 

“No later than second period, Miss Davis,” Mrs. Dewherst said as she handed the signed admit slips to Sally. 

Giving the secretary a mock salute, Sally grabbed hold of Justin’s hand and all but dragged him from the office just as the opening bell was ringing. Justin was barely able to thank Mrs. Dewherst for her help before he was hauled out into the corridor by the giggling girl. Justin couldn’t help but laugh at Sally’s enthusiasm and allowed her to pull him down the empty hallway towards a destination that he didn’t know. 

Sally stopped so suddenly that Justin nearly crashed into her. She spun around to face him, a watermelon Blow Pop in her right hand. “Here. Think of this as a ‘Welcome to Grant High’ sucker.” 

Justin accepted the lollipop with a grin. “Thanks, Sally.” 

With a nod, Sally once again took off a break neck speed, dragging Justin along with her. 

And thus, Justin’s friendship with the eccentric former cheerleader began. It was impossible not to like Sally. She was so open and didn’t bother to hide anything about herself, the same way Justin had once upon a time. Before first period even started, Justin knew most of Sally’s life history and her theory on why all of the boy bands were robot clones of each other. He also got a tour of all the major landmarks in the fifty-year old school. 

“That’s where Dayna Rozek got caught giving Billy Thomas a blowjob last year during finals,” Sally said as they passed a secluded corner in the stairwell before heading up the stairs. 

Snickering, Justin followed Sally up the stairs. “Is this first hand information or second hand knowledge?” 

Sally grinned impishly at Justin. “All I will say is that Billy has a very nice ass.” 

Later that day, in the locker room, Justin found himself agreeing with Sally’s assessment of the football player’s ass. Of course, Justin knew better than to make himself obvious as he observed the other naked teens. They, however, were more than vocal when they caught sight of him without his clothes. 

“What the fuck happened to you?” Billy asked as Justin pulled off his dark green jersey in order to chance into his gym clothes. 

Not for the first time, Justin found himself cursing whoever had decided that he needed to take gym this semester. If it had been put off until the next semester the bruises would have all faded by that point and no one would have been any the wiser. At this pint most of the bruises were all still a vivid purple, out there for all everyone to see. 

“I kept getting into fights at my old school,” Justin replied automatically with the excuse he had thought up when he had first seen the words “physical education” written on his schedule with bold print. “Eventually the principal had enough of it and kicked me out. That’s why I’m here now.” 

One of Billy’s friends snorted in amusement. “You don’t look that tough.” 

“Don’t piss me off and you won’t find out just how wrong you are,” Justin said with a feral grin and more than a little mirth in his eyes. 

His excuses must have worked because no one else brought up the bruises after that. It was a good thing they believed him too because even if he had managed to conceal the bruises while changing, the t-shirt he wore for class did nothing to conceal the massive bruise on his upper arm from where he had been thrown against the toilet the night before. Still, Justin was more than relieved when he was able to change back into his long sleeve shirt before heading to his final class of the day which was also his only one with Sally. 

“I see you managed to survive a day without me,” Sally teased as Justin slid into the empty desk next to her. 

“Shocking as it sounds, it did actually happen,” Justin shot back with a grin. “I even managed to tie my shoes all by myself after gym.” 

Sally playfully threw a pencil at him which bounced off his chest before landing on the floor. “Clown.” 

Still chuckling himself, Justin reached up and picked up the pencil and put it on his desk only to have it snatched away by its owner. 

“I’m in the mood to infiltrate the cheerleaders’ practice today. Wanna come?” Sally asked in a hushed whisper as their teacher entered the room, demanding silence. 

The evil glint in her eye had Justin on the verge of laughter once again. “Wish I could, but I have to go to work.” 

“That’s not fun,” Sally pouted. “Where do you work?” 

“Liberty Diner.” 

Sally’s eyes got really big then. She had a huge smile on her face and was practically bouncing up and down in her seat. For a split second, Justin was caught off guard, his smile nearly disappearing. Were it not for the green hair and pierced eyebrow, Justin would have thought that he was looking at Daphne. It was a reaction he had seen her give countless times when she wanted to be loud, but was stuck in class and couldn’t squeal. 

It didn’t matter, though. Daphne didn’t matter. Not after what she had done the day before. There was no way that he was going to forgive her for trying to force him to see his mother. It shocked Justin just how quickly his meeting with his best friend had gone downhill. 

When the teacher turned to write something on the chalkboard, Justin felt Sally flick his arm and immediately turned towards her. 

“You okay?” Sally mouthed to him, her dark eyes full of concern. 

Justin nodded his head, giving her a weak smile. 

Mr. Freedrik turned back around then and their conversation was ended. At least Justin assumed it was. While he was absently scribbling down information about the rise of the Communist movement in Russia, a crumpled up piece of paper landed in the middle of his notebook. Unfolding the piece of lined paper, Justin couldn’t contain a grin when he saw the multi-coloured happy face scrawled across the center of it. Below Sally’s gel pen artwork was a single sentence. “Be happy.” 

Flattening the wrinkles out of the drawing, Justin flashed Sally a wide toothy grin. 

Justin was still smiling when the bell rang, signaling the end of class. He slipped the drawing Sally had given him into his notebook before dropping it into his bag along with his pen. And, to his surprise, Justin realized that he had survived his first day at school without any major crisises. What’s more, he had even enjoyed himself. That was mostly Sally’s doing, though. Chances were it was probably safe to say that if she hadn’t been the one he’d flagged down for directions that he wouldn’t have had an actual conversation with anyone all day. 

“So can I come with you to the diner?” Sally chirped as he all but hopped down the aisle towards the door. “I can drive you if you don’t already have a ride.” 

“I was just gonna take the bus or--” 

“That settles it. I’m driving you,” she declared as she dug into her bag for one of the twelve watermelon Blow Pops she’d bought at lunch. 

Justin accepted the sucker yet gave her an odd look as he began to unwrap it. “Why the big fascination with the diner? It’s not like anyone famous has eaten there.” 

“But it’s on Liberty Avenue,” Sally said before popping her own lollipop into her mouth. 

“And...?” 

Sally pulled the sucker out of her mouth and began to contemplate it as though it held the answers to all the world’s problems. “I’ve always wanted to go there, but I’m too chicken shit to actually go,” she eventually mumbled. 

Justin stared at her as though she’d grown a second head. “You? Scared? Come on, be serious.” 

“I am!” Sally cried, nearly losing her lollipop as she flung her arms out. “For all us straight people Liberty Ave. is a very scary place. But now I have you to keep me safe.” 

“Then I guess that means I’ll just have to protect you,” Justin teased, bumping his shoulder against Sally’s. 

“Oh mah hero!” Sally sighed dramatically, pressing the back of her hand to her forehead as she dropped into Justin’s arms. 

It had happened so fast that Justin hardly had enough time to catch Sally in order to keep her from falling to the ground. She was putting a lot of trust in him to catch her. More than he would have for someone that he barely even knew. Almost absently, Justin realized that he would have done the same thing once upon a time. Before Damian had come along, Justin had been as carefree and trusting as she was. A part of him still did trust people. There had to be some part of him that did or else he never would have gone with Brian that night. 

“You know how sometimes you get yourself all excited about something then when you finally get there it’s a lot less dramatic than you thought it would be?” Sally asked as she and Justin walked down the sidewalk towards the diner. “That’s kinda what I’m feeling right now.” 

“That’s because it’s three in the afternoon,” Justin pointed out as though he were an all-knowing guru. “Until the sun goes down Liberty is just like any other street in Pittsburgh.” 

Sally scowled playfully. “Then I demand the after-hours tour.” 

“You’ll get one,” Justin promised, opening the door to the diner and motioning Sally in before him. “But for now, I’ve got to work.” 

“You are no fun whatsoever,” Sally pouted as she slumped down on a stool in front of the counter. 

Justin rolled his eyes dramatically. “Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.” 

When Sally smacked him on his left arm just above the elbow, it took everything Justin had not to react to the pain outwardly. He didn’t want Sally to know anything about the bruises. They would be gone in a week or two and so would any evidence of that part of his life. 

“Hey Sunshine!” Debbie cried upon seeing him. 

Groaning, Justin dropped his head onto Sally’s shoulder. “Save me please.” 

“Who’s that?” the green-haired teen asked in a loud whisper. 

“The name’s Debbie Novotny, sweety,” the waitress introduced herself. “You a friend of Sunshine’s?” 

“I’m Sally, Justin’s tour guide at Grant High and provider of watermelon suckers.” 

Debbie let out a loud, booming laugh. “Well that’s certainly one I’ve never heard before.” 

Leaving Sally and Debbie to amuse themselves, Justin headed towards the employee washroom in the back. He had gotten some paint on himself in art and needed to change into a clean one. Justin had meant to change shirts after gym, but had forgotten the clean one in his locker. At least it gave him a few minutes to collect himself for the performance he would have to put on out there. If the crowd was anything like the one that had been in yesterday, Justin knew that he was in for an afternoon of fending off roving hands and cheesy pick up lines. 

As soon as he stepped into the washroom, Justin leaned back against the closed door. He mentally began to prepare himself for the four hour shift he was about to endure. Justin knew that he was being childish. No one was going to do anything to him at the diner. There would be men trying to cruise him, but they wouldn’t do anything to him like Damian would. Not at the diner. 

Justin pushed himself away from the door with an exaggerated sigh. He dropped his back pack onto the floor then reached behind his head to pull off his shirt. It came off easier that way and he was less likely to get tangled in the material. 

“How can he even stand to look at me?” Justin mused as he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror. After last night, the bruising had only gotten worse. It disgusted Justin to see all the purple smears so it had to be worse for Brian who could see his entire body without the need of a mirror. 

For a brief moment, Justin shut his eyes in an attempt to will the marks away. It had been so long since Justin had seen himself without bruises that he couldn’t remember a time when they hadn’t been there. When he opened his eyes, the bruises were still there just as he had known they would be. 

“Sunshine, get your bubble butt out-- Holy shit!” 

At the sound of Debbie’s voice, Justin whirled around. 

“What the hell happened to you? Did Brian do this?” Debbie accused automatically as she stepped into the washroom, shutting the door behind her. 

Justin glared at her, his earlier melancholy mood turning to one of anger. “Brian would never hurt me. Never.” 

“I’m sorry, honey. I know that Brian would never lay a hand on you,” Debbie apologized, slowly coming to standing front of Justin. “Not after everything he went through with his father.” 

Her voice may have softened and she was no longer attacking Brian, but Justin didn’t let his guard down. He stayed where he was even though he longed to go over to his bag and retrieve at least one of his shirts. He felt very exposed under Debbie’s gaze, but could do nothing save cross his arms over his chest to help hide his upper body. 

“Can you go? I like to finish getting changed,” Justin asked tightly, not moving from his defensive posture. 

Reaching down, Debbie scooped up the green tee and held it out towards Justin. “Here you go, kiddo.” 

“That’s the dirty one,” Justin said quietly. “I need the clean one in my bag.” 

While Debbie searched through his bag for the tight red long sleeve tee Justin had tossed in there that morning, the teen willed his heart to stop pounding in his chest. He hated the vulnerable feeling that was overtaking him now that Debbie knew what Damian had done to him. She may not have known the source for the vast amount of bruises that covered his torso, but he could see the pity in her eyes and that was something Justin didn’t want. What he wanted was to forget about what had happened in the previous six months. 

“I take it that your parents don’t know anything about this,” Debbie commented as she handed Justin the other shirt. She immediately picked the green one back up and began folding it. 

“Like they give two shits about what happens to me,” Justin hissed angrily as he pulled on the shirt. “They kicked me out without even caring about where I was gonna live. I don’t give a shit whether they know or not. I’m not their responsibility any more.” 

“That’s not true, Justin,” Debbie protested. “Your mother cares very deeply about what happens to you. She was frantic yesterday for any information I could give her about you.” 

Justin pursed his lips as he unfurled the shirt down his chest. “It doesn’t matter. She gave up her right to care about me when she let my father throw me out onto the street.” 

“Sunshine--” 

“Don’t,” Justin growled, cutting her off. “They don’t get to know about me. Not now, not ever. Do you understand, Deb? If my mother comes in here again, you don’t tell her anything about this. Or anyone else. Brian’s the only one who knows and I want to keep it that way. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a shift to start.” 

Moving quickly so that Debbie didn’t get a chance to continue the conversation. It was one that he didn’t want to have. He snatched his bag off the ground and more or less yanked his t-shirt from Debbie’s hands as he passed, ignoring her attempt to keep talking. He really didn’t want to hear what she had to say. All that she would do was attempt to get him to talk to his mother, the same thing Daphne had done. 

“So, Sally, do you want anything?” Justin asked as he appeared behind the counter. 

As the girl began verbally debating whether or not she wanted to eat, Justin noticed Debbie out of the corner of his eye.


	11. Subdued Sunshine

“Lindsay Peterson and your gorgeous little boy are here to see you.” 

For several long seconds, Brian stared at the intercom before pressing the talk button on his end. “Send ‘em in.” 

As he rose from behind his desk, Brian already had a good idea why Lindsay had shown up at his office. She almost never came to his office. The last time she had shown up was about nine months before when she had dragged him to that clinic to jerk off in a cup. If he knew Lindsay at all, she was there to find out about Justin. 

“Hey, Daddy,” Lindsay greeted as she opened the door. “I think your son’s already got Cynthia charmed.” 

“No forcing pussy on my kid,” Brian admonished, reaching into the carrier to scoop him up after Lindsay had set it down on the couch. “So what brings you and Sonnyboy by?” 

Lindsay pretended to look shocked. “I don’t see what’s so suspicious here, Brian. I just wanted to bring our son here to see where his dadda works.” 

“He’s five days old, Lindsay. He doesn’t even know where he is,” the ad exec pointed out as he gazed down at his son’s face. “Isn’t that right, Sonnyboy? Your momma wants to know about Justin, but she’s too chicken shit to ask me anything.” 

“No swearing in front of the baby,” Lindsay chastised, fiddling absently with the blanket in Gus’ carrier. 

Rolling his eyes, Brian gave Lindsay a pointed look. “Stop stalling, Lindz, and ask your questions. This is the only chance you get.” 

“I’m worried about you. What’s so wrong about being concerned about Justin’s sudden appearance?” Lindsay asked as she made her way over to Brian and Gus, lightly stroking her son’s cheek. 

Brian rolled his eyes, handing the newborn over to his mother. “Why is every one so convinced that Justin is some evil demon out to get me? He’s a kid. He’s going through a rough spot and he’s staying with me. What’s so hard to understand about that?” 

“The fact that he’s staying with you for one. You can’t even live with your best friend for more than a day and now with Justin, someone you don’t even know, there are no problems. I just don’t get it,” Lindsay protested, coming to stand in front of Brian who was seated on the edge of his desk. 

“Then just accept it as a fact and move on.” 

The look on Lindsay’s face spoke volumes. “Brian, I have known you for eleven years. You are a creature of habit and can not stand the slightest disruptions. Living with a teenager has to be driving you insane.” 

“Well it’s not.” 

At the same time he said those words, Brian knew that a short time ago what Lindsay said would have been the truth. Brian hated change. Up until the week before, Brian’s routine hadn’t changed one bit in seven years. Now suddenly with Justin almost every aspect of his daily routine was changing. Without even meaning to, Justin was rearranging his life and, at the moment, Brian didn’t care too much. He enjoyed Justin’s company which was something that continued to surprise Brian. 

“Why isn’t Justin at home with his parents?” Lindsay asked, attempting another tactic. 

Of course, Brian caught on to that immediately. “Because he can’t.” 

By this pint Lindsay was obviously becoming frustrated with him. She was glaring at Brian as she spoke even as she gently rocked Gus. “That doesn’t answer my question, Brian.” 

“Then maybe you’re asking the wrong questions.” 

When Lindsay put Gus back in his carrier, Brian knew that she was going to go on the offensive. He wasn’t worried because over the years he had learned all the tricks she used when she wanted to get information out of him. First she would try to coax it out of him. Then would come the bribery before she resorted to guilt. If he didn’t answer her by then Lindsay was normally too frustrated to bother further. 

“I talked to Mel at lunch today.” Immediately, Brian knew where she was heading with that and winced internally. “She says that Ted was telling her about what happened at Woody’s last night. That man attacking Justin in the washroom. From what I hear you were pretty freaked out.” 

Oh she was good. 

“What no one could figure out was why,” Lindsay continued, skipping right over bribery and going straight for the guilt. “What on earth could some little blonde twink have on the great Brian Kinney? Now don’t get me wrong. Justin is very beautiful and quite intelligent from what I saw last night. However, I also saw something else when he went over to tie up his shoes.” 

Really good. 

“I saw the bruises, Brian. On his back. And from the looks of it, I’m sure that there are others. Do those bruises have something to do with Justin staying with you?” 

Since Lindsay would undoubtedly go to Justin with her suspicions if he didn’t give her answers, Brian knew that he had to tell her something. At the same time, he knew that Justin didn’t want anyone to know about what Damian had done to him so he couldn’t tell her the whole truth. 

Sighing, Brian scrubbed his hands over his face. “Look, Justin’s parents kicked him out when they found out he was gay. The guy who attacked him was Damian Walker. A sick, twisted doctor who likes to hurt people to get off. He wants Justin as his play thing. I’m not going to let that happen. That’s really all you need to know, Lindz.” 

“So Justin’s staying with you until Damian moves on to someone else?” Lindsay pressed. 

“In the mean time, yeah,” Brian confirmed, hoping that Lindsay would ignore the gaping holes in his tale. “In fact, the two of you would love each other. Justin’s an artist. A fucking fantastic one from what I’ve seen. Don’t tell him I said that, though, or it’ll just go to his head.” 

“Nice attempt at changing the subject, Bri,” Lindsay grinned knowingly. “I’ll even humour you and go along with it since I need to remind you about Gus’ bris on Saturday.” 

“His what?” Brian demanded, hoping that he hadn’t heard what he thought he did. 

“His bris. Circumcision. It’s on the invitation I gave you last night. Granted, it’s in Hebrew, but it’s still there.” 

“You should have asked my permission first,” Brian growled, feeling his anger grow. 

Lindsay glared at him, wide-eyed. “To what?” 

“To circumcise my son,” Brian reminded her, rising from his desk and making his way over to the couch. He leaned over and scooped Gus out of his carrier, cradling the infant against his chest. 

“Why does it matter to you if Gus is circumcised?” Lindsay asked, at a complete loss. 

Brian clenched his jaw for a moment, doing his best to keep his voice in check so as not to upset Gus. “It matters that he’s been in this world less than a week and already there’s people who won’t accept him for the way he is. You’d rather mutilate him than let him be the way he is. The way he was born. Well I’m not going to let that happen.” 

“Brian--” Lindsay began only to be cut off by yet another glare from Brian. 

“I mean it, Lindz. It’s not happening.” 

Even though he had eventually gotten Lindsay’s promise that she would talk things over with Mel, Brian wasn’t convinced that he had saved his son’s dick from the chopping block. Which meant that he would more than likely have to go against his original plans and go to the party. He had wanted to spend his day at the gym and the baths, but since Brian didn’t trust Mel to call off the ceremony he would have to put off those activities until the next day. There was no way that bris was happening. Every time he even thought of the rabbi going near Gus with his little knife, Brian envisioned the slashes he had seen on Justin’s chest from Damian’s knife. 

For the rest of the day, Brian felt incredibly ill at ease. Though it had been mostly his doing, Lindsay’s visit had forced him to think about things that he would rather forget. There were several times, in fact, that he had barely resisted the urge to call Justin on the cell phone he had given to the kid that morning. It was one of his older ones that he had put some minutes on at the Seven Eleven on the way to the school. Brian had wanted Justin to have a means to get in touch with him if he needed to. Since Justin hadn’t called, Brian could only assume that his day was going better than the previous one had. 

Sure enough, when he entered the diner around five-thirty, Justin was moving about like a hyperactive gerbil, his mega watt smile flashing at those he spoke to. 

“Brian!” Justin cheered when he caught sight of Brian on his way to the counter. 

Sliding onto a stool, Brian barely had time get himself situated before Justin swooped in for a quick kiss. “Someone’s in a good mood,” Brian mused as Justin pulled back. “What brought on this change?” 

“Would you believe going to school?” 

Brian smirked at him. “Having been through high school once before, I’m gonna have to say no.” 

Justin’s wide, toothy grin returned full force. “Well then I don’t know what to tell you.” 

After what had happened the night before, the last thing Brian had expected was to see Justin practically dancing around the diner. Of course he should have realized just how resilient Justin was. The kid was tough as nails and considering he was finally getting a chance to feel normal again it was only natural that he be in a good mood. 

“We need to talk, Brian.” 

“I didn’t do anything, Deb,” Brian groaned as he swiveled the stool around so that he was facing her. “I haven’t even been here for five minutes.” 

“For once it’s not about you. We need to talk about Justin,” Debbie told him in a tone that Brian knew all too well. It meant that she was going to talk and that Brian was going to listen whether he wanted to or not. “I saw the bruises.” 

“I’m not getting in to this with you,” Brian ground out, glaring daggers at her. “You obviously couldn’t get any answers out of Justin and now you’re trying to pump me for information. It’s not going to work. If Justin doesn’t want you to know then I can’t tell you.” 

Deb started to protest, but Brian cut her off with a shake of his head. 

“And I’d better not find out that you went behind Justin’s back and talked to his mother. It’s his life, his choice,” Brian told her, his voice a low hiss. Sliding off the stool, Brian went over to Justin who was standing further down the counter and wrapped his arms around the teen’s waist from behind. “I’m going to the gym. I’ll be back when your shift’s over.” 

Justin turned his head to meet Brian’s kiss. “I’ll be here.” 

Brian kissed him one final time before heading out of the diner so that Deb could not corner him a second time. If given a chance, Brian knew that she would so her best to guilt him into getting Justin to talk to his mother. It wouldn’t work, but Brian didn’t feel like the headache Deb’s lecture would cause. He could handle Deb and Lindsay, but not when they tag teamed him in the same day. Especially not about the same thing. The same thing that had been on everyone’s mind as of late. 

Justin. 

So he was letting the kid into his life. It wasn’t the big deal everyone made it out to be. Okay, Brian would admit, it was happening faster with Justin, but after all the complaints he’d gotten over the years that he never let anyone close, Brian had thought they would be thrilled. Instead Brian had each of them breathing down his neck, demanding answers that he didn’t feel like giving. 

An hour and a half later, Brian was quite sure that he was living up to everyone’s expectations of him when a muscle bound brute was on his knees sucking him off in the sauna. Regardless of his situation with Justin, the fact remained that he was Brian Kinney and had a reputation to maintain. He wasn’t about to turn down getting his dick sucked either way. 

It was like he told the guys, Justin was staying with him. Other than that the kid had no real claims on him. And if you believe that, there’s that swamp land in Florida you could always buy, his conscience taunted him. Growling, Brian slammed his locker shut and yanked his bag from the bench behind him. He felt concern for Justin, but that was it. Nothing more than that. Brian wouldn’t allow himself to feel more than that. 

The instant that he caught sight of Justin’s wide grin, Brian found himself hard pressed to maintain that belief. There was something about that smile that Brian was unable to ignore and was constantly finding himself returning Justin’s smile. 

“I figured you hadn’t eaten yet so I got us food,” Justin announced, holding up the containers of take-out in his right hand. 

“You coming to Woody’s tonight, Brian?” 

Twisting his head around, Brian shot a glare at Michael who was making his way over to the pair. “No, I’ve got a presentation tomorrow I need to prepare for.” 

“Well that’s never stopped you before. Come to Woody’s with us. It’ll be fun,” Michael pleaded, sounding every bit like the pre-teen geeks who shared his obsession. 

“I have work, Mikey. That tedious thing that pays for my life,” Brian reminded him, taking the styrofoam containers from Justin so the teen could slip into his back pack. 

“But I haven’t gotten to see you since Friday,” Michael complained. “We normally see each other every day. You haven’t even been in for breakfast the past two days.” 

Sucking in his bottom lip momentarily then let out a deep breath. “You saw me last night and you’re seeing me right now. Happy?” 

“Of course I’m not fucking happy! I’m having a damn relationship with you answering machine. So get your ass home. Change. And show up at Woody’s in one hour. Without the twink,” Michael ordered, shocking Brian who had thus far been laughing off Michael’s attempts to get him to go out. 

“Bye, Mikey,” Brian practically snarled, reaching for Justin’s waist and pulling the blonde after him as he exited the diner without a backwards glance. 

Letting go of Justin’s waist long enough to push open the door Brian then draped his arm across the boy’s shoulders when they were on the sidewalk. He noticed right away that Justin was a lot more subdued than he had been just prior to Michael’s entrance. The mega watt smile was gone and Brian could feel the way his shoulders slumped forward. Brian didn’t acknowledge the teen’s sudden funk. He was waiting for Justin to say something first. 

“If you want to go to Woody’s you should go.” 

Already seated in the driver’s side of the jeep, Brian looked over at Justin who was standing just outside the open door on the passenger side. “I have to work. I have a presentation to make.” 

“No you don’t. It’s on Thursday. Today’s only Tuesday,” Justin said quietly as he fiddled with the straps of his back pack as though trying to decide whether or not to take it off. 

“So I don’t want to go to Woody’s tonight. Big deal. Now would you get in the jeep so we can go home,” Brian prompted, refusing to admit to the real reason he didn’t want to go to the bar. The panic he had felt when he had known that Justin was in the locked washroom but couldn’t get to him was still too fresh. 

Pursing his lips, Justin glanced at the ground before raising his eyes to meet Brian’s. Both were silent for nearly a full moment before Justin removed his back pack and tossed it into the back seat along side their dinner. The silence continued for the first few blocks of the ride back to the loft, but Brian knew that Justin was barely holding back the urge to say something else. 

“Michael’s your best friend, you shouldn’t blow him off like that,” Justin mumbled as they came to a stop light. 

“You blew off Daphne pretty easily yesterday from what I hear,” Brian pointed out. 

Justin scratched at the bridge of his nose with his middle finger. “Daphne tried to force me into something I didn’t want to do. All Michael did was ask you to go out and spend some time together. Something I’ve been preventing lately. I know what it’s like to miss your best friend. I still miss Daphne even though right now I can’t stand the sight of her and I know that I will probably never be able to trust her again.” 

“Mkey’s being a twat right now. That’s why I’m avoiding him,” was the reason Brian gave even though it was only a partial truth. 

A partial truth that Justin immediately caught him on. “If it hadn’t been Woody’s it would have been somewhere else. Hell, he could have found out where I’m going to school and showed up there.” 

Looking over at Justin for a moment, Brian met his eyes for a brief moment before turning back to the road. “You stood up to him, Justin. He knows you’re not weak now so he’ll move on.” 

With that stern declaration the conversation was closed for the time being. Brian wasn’t foolish enough to think that he had convinced Justin that he was safe from Damian and, to be honest, Brian wasn’t entirely convinced himself. For the moment, though, he wasn’t going to think about it. Instead he was going to go home, have something to eat and enjoy a quiet night devoid of the previous one’s chaos. 

Which was what happened. Something for which Brian was incredibly thankful as he drifted off to sleep later that night with Justin wrapped securely in his arms. What’s more, before the night was over, he had even managed to coax a full fledged smile out of Justin as he had playfully kissed his way up the teen’s body only a short time before. Brian had also managed to find a spot just about Justin’s right hip that sent him into fits of giggles when he laved it with his tongue. 

Giggles that Brian had eventually silenced by covering Justin’s lips with his own. Which led to activities that produced more than a few moans, an ecstasy filled cry or two and the two of them drifting off to sleep tangled in each other’s arms. 

“What the fuck am I doing?” Brian groaned against Justin’s shoulder only when he was sure that the teen was asleep. With no answer forthcoming, Brian gave in to his body’s demands and let oblivion take him.


	12. Subdued Sunshine

“You want to what?” 

“Get. A. Tattoo,” Justin said slowly, grinning over at Sally as they walked side by side along Liberty Avenue. 

Sally arched a pierced eyebrow in his direction and lightly tapped her watermelon Blow Pop against her pursed lips before shrugging her shoulders. “The question ‘why’ comes to mind. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for body modification. Just not of the painful variety.” 

“It’s just a tattoo. Little tiny pin pricks of pain. You barely feel it,” Justin tried to persuaded her as he reached into her ever-present letter bag to pull out one of the even more present suckers. 

“Oh please! They stab you with a needle. Repeatedly. How can there be no pain in that?” Sally demanded, staring at Justin in disbelief. 

“You got your eyebrow pierced,” Justin pointed out, flicking away a lock of her bright blue hair with the tip of his index finger. “That’s painful.” 

“For a micro second!” Sally cried indignantly, sticking the lollipop back into her mouth. 

It had been a month. Twenty-six days since he had gone back to school. Twenty-seven days since he had last seen Damian during that horrifying night in the washroom in Woody’s. Twenty-nine since he and Brian had first been intimate. Thirty days since Damian had dragged him into the backroom of Babylon and started the whole chain of events. Thirty days since his new life had begun. By now the bruises had faded, the cuts had healed and for all intents and purposes Justin was a normal teenager. 

It was like Brian had told him that first morning: As the bruises faded so did the memories and the fear of what had caused them. With each new day that dawned, Justin felt more at ease, more centered and more like himself before that fateful night seven months ago when his parents had discovered he was gay. Justin was happy. It was really as simple as that. After what seemed like a lifetime, Justin felt like he actually had some control over his life. 

The control was hardly complete, though. More like a foothold. The chance to ensure that he was the deciding factor in what happened to him. 

“So have you told Brian about this brilliant plan of yours?” Sally asked as she yanked open the door to the diner. 

“What brilliant plan?” Brian inquired as he raised a bottle of water to his lips. He was seated in the regular booth along with Ted and Emmett after a Saturday afternoon trip to the gym. 

Sliding in next to Brian, Sally shot Justin a satisfied smirk who was still standing. “He wants a tattoo.” 

“A tattoo? Don’t you know how dangerous those things are?” Ted demanded in a shrill voice. 

Justin merely rolled his eyes at the timid accountant. “It’s art. I’m an artist. This time I get to be the canvas.” 

“Will you please tell him not to get a tattoo,” Sally begged of Brian. “For some reason he listens to you.” 

“Why would I listen to him?” Justin asked her, earning him an arched eyebrow from the ad exec. “He can’t tell me not to anyway ‘cause he already has one.” 

Emmett’s eyes got exceptionally big. His fork only halfway to his mouth, he stared openly at Brian. “You have a tattoo?” He then looked over at Justin. “He has a tattoo? Where does he have a tattoo?” 

“Some place that we’ll never see,” Ted spoke up, patting Emmett on the shoulder. 

“What’s going on over here?” Debbie asked as she made her way over to the group. 

“Justin’s getting a tattoo,” Sally chirped, grinning broadly when Justin glared at her. 

Pursing her lips, Debbie turned to Justin with her arms crossed over her chest. “You’re getting a tattoo?” 

Justin nodded his head, his conviction never wavering even in the face of Debbie’s disapproval. In the past month, the eccentric waitress had become a surrogate mother to him as she was to the other men seated in the booth. On some level, Justin knew that he would have preferred to have Debbie’s approval, but he did not require it. Over the past month, Justin had found himself more or less adopted by the miss matched family, enjoying the acceptance they offered. 

“Brian, tell Sunshine he can’t get a tattoo. He listens to you,” Debbie ordered, repeating Sally’s words almost perfectly. 

“I’m not going to tell him what he can and can not do, Deb. It’s his life, his body,” Brian said, his eyes trained on Justin as he spoke. 

Of all the relationships he had gained over the past month, the one he had with Brian was the most complicated. There was no doubt in Justin’s mind that he loved the older man. He also knew that one some level Brian loved him as well. Only Brian didn’t do love. He didn’t believe in it. It hadn’t taken Justin very long to decipher the dogma of Brian Kinney. He didn’t do love. He didn’t do romance. He didn’t do dates. He believed in fucking. It wasn’t until Justin happened across Brian getting sucked off in the backroom of Babylon that he came to realize just how true it was. 

At the time, Justin had been shattered. He had bolted from the dance club, sprinting down the crowded street until he reached the diner. Lindsay and Melanie had been inside, getting something to eat upon their return from a meeting at the GLC. Along with Debbie, they had explained to him Brian’s obsession with sex. Though it had pained him to hear, Justin had soon come to understand that to Brian sex was nothing but a release. More to the point, a game. One where he was always the victor. 

Yet even though he would never admit to it, Justin knew that Brian loved him. If he had any doubt, all he needed to do was look into Brian’s eyes. Everything that he needed to know about Brian’s feelings were right there in his eyes. 

“That settles it,” Justin announced before anyone else could protest. He then glanced down at Sally as he spoke. “Just let me grab my hours for next week then we’ll go.” 

“Yeah, whatever,” Sally waved him off, stealing a french fry from Emmett’s place. “But hurry up, I’ve got to play the dutiful granddaughter later.” 

Justin rolled his eyes, already moving towards the back of diner. Even though she made a big show of being against it, Justin knew that Sally was all for him getting a tattoo. It had been her idea for him to get one even though she had said it only jokingly when he had gone with her to get her belly button pierced the week before. She had tried to talk him into getting something pierced with her, but Justin was more fascinated by the tattoo art on the walls and decided that he was going to get one. He even had the design picked out. A Celtic knotwork pattern which, according to the book he had found it in, was a symbol not only of eternity, but for protection as well. Something Justin was quite sure he could use just in case. 

After quickly jotting down his hours on a scrap of paper from his back pack, Justin headed back out to join the others only to find Sally and Emmett involved in one of their many fashion debates. It was an inevitability whenever the two got within speaking distance of each other and only furthered Sally’s ties to their little family. 

As he made his way towards the booth, the bells above the entrance jingled and Justin automatically looked up. He tensed when he saw who had come in, but just as quickly ignored that person. 

“Justin, can we talk?” 

Only she wasn’t going to ignore him. 

Looking up from his spot next to Emmett, Justin shook his head. “I have nothing to say to you, Daphne. Nothing you’d want to hear anyway. Besides, I’ve got somewhere to be. Have you stolen enough of Emmett’s fries?” Justin asked, directing his last comment at Sally. 

“Yeah. Sure,” Sally replied automatically. “See you guys later.” 

Rising from his seat, Justin brushed past Daphne without so much as a second glance. Even though he hadn’t seen her in a month, Justin still didn’t feel the least bit inclined to hear anything she had to say. On some level he knew that he was being overly dramatic about what had happened, but the truth was that Justin didn’t feel like he could trust her. Not yet and he didn’t know if ever. 

Out on the sidewalk, Sally immediately cornered her about what had happened in the diner. “That’s not like you, Justin. What did Daphne do that was so terrible?” 

“She tried to force me into something that I didn’t want to do. Couldn’t do. I can’t trust her not to do the same thing again,” Justin told her, unwrapping the sucker he had nabbed earlier and popping it into his mouth. 

“Don’t you think you’re being a little melodramatic?” 

Without even hesitating, Justin shook his head. “No, I don’t.” 

“I thought you were going to get yourself painted,” Brian said, appearing suddenly at his side. 

Justin jumped slightly and cried out, earning a laugh from both Brian and Sally. Leaving the duo behind, Justin started down the sidewalk towards the tattoo parlour owned by an insane Russian dyke. Whatever her mental state, Irina was a phenomenal body artist. Over the course of the past week, since Sally had brought up the idea of Justin getting a tattoo, Justin had gone to each of the four tattoo parlours on Liberty Avenue to examine their work before deciding on the leather clad Russian with the intricate tribal tattoo surrounding her right eye. Since the tattoo would be a permanent mark on his flesh and Justin hadn’t made the decision to get one lightly. 

That afternoon Sally’s plan to talk Justin into getting a piercing had backfired wasn’t the first time Justin had contemplated getting a tattoo. For nearly two years now, Justin had been considering getting a tattoo, but had always put it off because he had never been able to choose a single image to have stained into his skin. This time around, the instant that Justin had set eyes on the ancient symbol, Justin knew that it was the one. And even though he had not let on at the diner, Brian had known from the beginning that Justin was getting the tattoo. He had talked it over with the older man, wanting confirmation that it was a good idea. Brian had told him, quite honestly, that the choice was his and that no one could make it for him. 

“Picasso returns,” the tattoo artist greeted as Justin entered her establishment, followed almost immediately by Brian and Sally. “I take it today’s the day.” 

With a purse-lipped grin, Justin nodded his head. “Today’s the day,” he confirmed with a nod. “This is Brian and Sally, by the way.” 

“I’d have to be a blind fool not to recognize the great Brian Kinney on sight,” Irina laughed, absently flipped a long strand of her jet black hair over her head. “Hey, little lady blue. Can I paint you too?” 

Sally returned the woman’s grin, bouncing next to Justin. “I’d rather you fill a hole with a piece of metal. I leave the body painting to Justin.” 

Irina’s dark eyebrow arched in response. “I’m sure I could find something to meet your needs, Sally dear.” 

“That so?” Sally practically purred. 

“Knock it off, Smurf. You’re straight,” Brian said sternly from where he was glancing at the various designs which covered the walls. 

Sally stuck her tongue out at Brian who didn’t respond because his back was to her. Justin, on the other hand, was doing his best to keep his laughter from bubbling over. While it was true that his friend was straight, it was equally true that she would flirt with both men and women depending on her mood. It wouldn’t have surprised him in the least to find out that she was bisexual. 

“You can do the hole filling later. Right now I’d like to get a tattoo,” Justin announced once he was sure that he had his laughter under control. “If it’s not too much trouble, of course.” 

“Come into my parlour says the spider to the fly,” Irina murmured, crooking a long index finger in Justin’s direction. 

The woman led the trio deeper into the building, past a curtain to where the actual tattooing would take place. Compared to the outer area of the establishment, this room was incredibly subdued. Plain walls and furnished only with the most basic of necessities. 

“I didn’t know you were into voyeurism, Kinney,” the slender woman taunted as she began readying the instruments that she would need. “I always assumed you were a man of action.” 

“I highly doubt you’d apreciate my form of action,” Brian shot back, complete with a tongue in cheek grin. “Unless, of course, you’ve become a switch hitter.” 

“And disappoint your little smurf? Never,” Irina gasped dramatically, indicating that Justin should get in the chair. 

Sally perked up at that. “Finally, someone who wants to fuck me. It’s very difficult to get laid when you hang out with this crowd.” 

“You’re a freak,” Justin laughed as he watched Sally sidle up to the older woman. 

“Freak or not, I just might get laid,” the blue-haired teen grinned, sitting herself on the edge of the chair near Justin’s hip. 

As Irina brought over her tray of implements, she smiled coyly at Sally. “Stick around when I finish with Picasso and I’ll see if I can help you with your little problem. Now, shall we get started, little fly?” 

“Stab away, lady spider.” 

It was a little more painful than Justin had thought it would be to get the tattoo. After a little while, though, the area where he was getting the image imprinted became a tingly numb and he didn’t feel it as much. The artist in him was fascinated as he watched the ancient design take shake on his own flesh. Small amounts of his own blood smearing with traces of black ink made the procedure much more personal. More intimate. From the set of Brian’s body, Justin knew that the other man didn’t feel the same way. Instinctively, Justin also knew the cause of Brian’s uneasiness. 

His blood. 

Brian was of the opinion that blood belonged in the body and didn’t approve of anyone’s, especially Justin’s, being spilled even if it was in the name of art. Still, Brian didn’t enforce that belief or any others on Justin, letting him make his own choices in all matters and offering advice when asked. Justin was grateful for the help Brian provided as much as the freedom to make his own choices, something which was all important to the teen. 

When all was said and done, Justin was very pleased with the final product. He ran his finger above the inked in lines a hairsbreadth above his skin, marveling at the exactness of Irina’s work. 

“It’s beautiful,” Justin mused, his eyes never straying from the new marks on his left arm, three finger spaces above his wrist. 

“It’s tender,” Irina corrected, lightly pushing Justin’s hand aside so that she could take a final swipe at it with a cotton swab covered in antiseptic. “And probably will be for a few days so try not to touch it too much until the pain fades.” 

“Why are you looking at me?” Brian demanded, mirth evident in his voice. “It’s his wrist.” 

Irina met his gaze with an amused smirk of her own. “Because I have a feeling you’ll be the cause of any pressure on his wrist. So no holding him down when you fuck him for the next couple days.” 

“Fucker,” Brian snorted with a role of his eyes. 

“Oh I will,” Irina grinned broadly, snatching a quick kiss from a surprised Sally. 

What surprised Justin even more was that Sally returned the kiss, a satisfied smile on her face when it ended. When the kiss was repeated a second time, Sally was a much more active participant, sliding her hand up into the long dark hair of the tattoo artist. Whimpering slightly, Justin slid off the chair and inched his way towards Brian who seemed equally freaked out by the sudden turn of events. Suspecting Sally had slightly lesbianic tendencies was one thing, but the evidence was more than he wanted to see. 

“Have I mentioned that this was a brilliant plan?” Sally asked Justin as she turned towards him with a slightly glazed look in her eyes. 

“You boys run along home now. I’ll send you the bill,” Irina said dismissively, her eyes on Sally. “Flip the sign over one your way out, please.” 

“Oh that’s just gross,” Brian groaned, echoing Justin’s thoughts perfectly.


	13. Subdued Sunshine

It wasn’t often that Brian found himself so completely and utterly bored while at Babylon. Even his little foray into the backroom with a well endowed red-haired twink failed to keep him entertained for any significant amount of time. He hadn’t even let the twink finish blowing him before pushing the kid away and stalking out of the backroom and straight to the bar. 

“Double Beam,” Brian growled, leaning with his forearms on the top of the bar. He let his head drop forward until it was nearly pressed to the counter top and let out a deep breath. 

“Rough night?” 

Turning his head to the side, Brian glanced up at Michael without bothering to lift his head. “I’m fine, Mikey. Just waiting for my shot.” 

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” Michael said, leaning with his back against the bar and staring down at Brian. “You’re never around anymore.” 

“You’re the one who’s not around,” Brian said with a smirk as he downed the double shot of Jim Beam that had just been handed to him. 

“That’s not true!” Michael cried shrilly. 

Pushing himself up so that he was standing up straight, the smirk never leaving his face. “Then how come you can’t seem to get away fast enough whenever Justin’s around?” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Michael mumbled, glancing away. 

Brian rolled his eyes and signaled for another shot. “Cut the bullshit, Mikey. As soon as Justin shows up you make some excuse and get the hell out of wherever we are. Everyone notices.” 

“I just don’t get it,” Michael said after a few minutes. “It’s been a month. Why is he still here?” 

“Maybe because this is where he belongs now. With his family,” was Brian’s immediate response. 

Michael’s eyes got wide and he turned to glare at his best friend. “Since when is he considered family?” 

“Maybe since your mom and Vic more or less adopted him. How about when Emmett started treating him like he was the baby of the family. When he moved in with me. Take your pick. Either way, Justin is still a member of our little fucked up family,” Brian told the other man, accepting his second shot with a slight nod. 

“And what about you? What do you think of him as?” 

Pursing his lips, Brian tried to remember that it was his best friend asking the questions. “He’s Justin. The same as he is to everyone else.” 

“Right. The golden boy,” Michael sneered, gesturing for a shot of his own. “Everybody’s beloved Sunshine. You know, one day you’re going to find out that he’s not all he claims to be.” 

“That’s just it, Mikey. He doesn’t claim to be anything but what he is,” Brian said, tossing his head back to swallow his second shot of Beam. “If you didn’t have your mind so dead set against him you’d know that.” 

Michael tossed back his own shot, wincing as the alcohol made its way down his throat. “Can we not talk about Justin? I came here to see my best friend not hear the many virtues of his live-in lover.” 

“Shut the fuck up, Mikey,” Brian snarled, slamming the shot glass back onto the bar. 

Tossing some money on the counter, Brian then strode away from the bar and out of the club altogether. Lately, all Michael seemed to do was piss him off. For reasons that Brian couldn’t completely figure out, the other man seemed to have a strong dislike of the teen. It wasn’t from anything Justin had done because whenever the pair crossed paths, the artist was always as polite as could be. Michael was the one who made their meetings less than pleasant. 

As he trudged down the stairs at the front of the club, Brian reached into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a cigarette and his lighter. It took a few tries before he was able to get the cigarette lit, but by the time he reached the jeep he was exhaling a mouthful of smoke. Brian watched the smoke fade into the darkness above for a moment before unlocking the driver’s side door on the jeep and climbing in. Justin’s shift at the diner ended in roughly half an hour so it wouldn’t be odd for him to show up at such an early time. It was barely even eleven o’clock. Normally he would just be getting started for the night rather than ending it. 

When he pulled up in front of the diner, Brian tossed the remains of his cigarette out the window before turning off the jeep’s engine. He glanced out the opposite window and instantly caught sight of Justin flying about the diner like a whirlwind. The image instantly brought a smile to his face. In every way, shape and form, Justin was a living definition of a whirlwind. About the only time Justin was ever still anymore was when he was asleep or when he was sketching. And while sometimes it annoyed the hell out of him, more than anything Brian was relieved to see the change that the teen had undergone in the past month. To the outside world, Justin was a perfectly normal teenager. There was nothing that set him apart from the rest of his peers except for his own unusual behaviour that Sally seemed to enhance. 

Brian climbed out of the jeep and made his way into the diner, a grin on his face when he saw Justin leaning against the counter and facing away from him. The door had already been opened by another couple entering the diner, so Brian hurried forward to catch it before it closed. No need for the bell to ring a second time an alert Justin to his presence. That would ruin all his fun. 

Stalking like a panther after his prey, Brian slid up behind Justin and wrapped his arms around the teen’s waist. “Hey there, Sunshine,” he murmured in Justin’s ear as he pulled the smaller man against his chest. 

Turning his head to the side, Justin pressed a kiss to the corner of Brian’s mouth. “I thought I was meeting you at Babylon?” 

“Got bored,” Brian informed him, tilting his head slightly so that he could catch Justin’s lips in a lingering kiss which made him forget all about his confrontation with Michael at Babylon. “Then I got hungry.” 

“Ahhhh,” Justin laughed, dropping his head onto Brian’s shoulder. “Gotta feed those urges.” 

“That’s what life is all about, Sunshine,” Brian said with an arched eyebrow and a teasing smirk. “So how ‘bout getting me a turkey sandwich.” 

Justin grinned up at the older man. “Is that all you want?” 

“For now.” 

Releasing the teen’s waist, Brian slid onto the stool next to where he was standing. This put the two of them at the same height and Justin leaned in for a quick kiss before heading off to place Brian’s order. Along the way the teen expertly avoided several pairs of groping hands. Brian was hard pressed not to react in any way to those hands. It should have been more than obvious to everyone in the diner that Justin was his. No one was allowed to touch what was his. “Lay off the lethal glare, kiddo. You’re gonna scare away the customers,” Deb said as she poured coffee into the cup in front of him. “Besides, they all know better than to seriously make a go at Sunshine. They’re not that stupid.” 

Brian took a sip from his coffee, not meeting Deb’s eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Sure you don’t,” Deb placated him, setting the coffee pot back in its place then leaned against the counter facing Brian. “You’re allowed to feel something for him, Brian. It won’t make you any less than you are. In fact, it makes you human. I’d be surprised if you didn’t feel anything for Justin.” 

Brian said nothing, instead pursing his lips and staring down at his coffee. Deb was wrong in any case. Brian felt nothing for Justin other than friendship. He cared about Justin and would look out for him but that was all there was to it. There could be nothing else between them. He was Brian Kinney for fuck’s sake. He didn’t do love or romance or anything else involved in a relationship. 

“You can try and bullshit me all you want, but it won’t work. I’ve been doing this longer than you’ve been alive,” Debbie told him. 

“Doing what?” Brian mumbled, looking up at her. 

“Looking out for boys who think they know what’s best for them.” 

“I think I know what’s best for me,” Brian told her, his eyes never wavering from Deb’s. 

Deb’s response was to smirk. That infuriated Brian more than anything else she could have said. He didn’t back down from her look. On the contrary he kept his eyes locked on hers until Justin came and set the turkey sandwich down in front of him. Deb was the first to look away, nodding her head slightly before turning and heading towards the kitchen. 

“What was that all about?” Justin asked quietly, placing a light hand on Brian’s shoulder. 

Dropping his head down for a moment, staring a the counter, before switching his gaze to the blonde’s face. “It’s nothing. Deb was butting in on something that has nothing to do with her.” 

Justin reached out, gently pushing Brian’s bangs away from his eyes. “It looks like a little more than nothing from where I’m standing.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” Brian said, reaching for Justin’s free hand with his right one. 

Right away he caught sight of the tattoo just above the artist’s left wrist. For little over a week the black ink had stained Justin’s pale skin yet it was as though the marks had always been there. Brian knew that the tattoo was more than just a fit of teenage rebellion. It was a statement for Justin. A way for all around him to see that he was in control of his body even if he wasn’t completely in control of his life. Brian understood that and the meaning behind the symbol Justin had chosen for his tattoo. The ancient symbol was one of protection. A way to keep the bad spirits away. Or in the more real sense, to keep Damian away. 

“Hey, Sunshine, table six’s order is ready!” Deb shouted from further down the counter. “Say goodbye to Brian and get that bubble butt of yours in gear.” 

“Gotta go,” Justin said with a smirk, pressing his lips to Brian’s for a moment before heading around the counter and towards the kitchen. 

Brian watched Justin for a few moments before turning his attention to the sandwich in front of him. He wasn’t really all that hungry, but over the past month he had learned that he needed all the energy possible when dealing with Justin. The teen approached life with an incredible passion and everything in him. At times it was almost enough to wear him out. It never quite got to that point. Justin was still young and didn’t have the staying power Brian did. 

The following half hour passed a great deal more quickly than Brian had expected it too. When he wasn’t eating, he was busy watching Justin has he darted about the diner from table to table, hardly ever staying in one place for very long. If the teen happened to pass in his direction, Brian would find himself the recipient of a kiss on the back of his neck, his cheek, the corner of his jaw and on a few occasions Brian managed to coordinate it so that their lips met briefly in passing. 

Watching Justin also served another purpose. It gave him an excuse to ignore Deb’s constant glares and pointed looks. He knew that what she had said was only the beginning of a very long tirade that he knew he would be the recipient of before long. Since that lecture was not happening yet, Brian used the half hour to plot out activities for him and Justin to engage in when they got back to the loft. 

As it always did when he thought about having sex with Justin, his mind went back to the first night they had been together. It was the first morning that Justin had been staying with him. He had awoken to the sight of Justin sitting cross-legged about two feet away from him, completely naked and with a sketchbook balanced on his right knee. Oddly, the idea of Justin drawing him made Brian a little self conscious, but the passion that he saw in Justin’s intense blue eyes kept him still long enough for the artist to finish the sketch. 

_The instant that Justin announced that he was finished, Brian vaulted from his reclined position and tackled the teen down onto the mattress. Justin’s laughter filled the room as the artist wrapped his arms about Brian’s throat, pulling him down so that their bodies were pressed together._

_“You should feel very privileged,” Brian murmured as he held himself up one elbow and used his other hand to brush Justin’s bangs away from his face. “I’ve known Lindsay for about twelve years and I’ve never once let her draw a picture of me.”_

_Justin shot him a disbelieving look, shifting his body slightly so that their bodies were better aligned. “I find that very hard to believe.”_

_“But it’s true,” Brian confirmed, dropping his head down so that his forehead rested against Justin’s. “From what I’ve been told, artists are very perceptive people. They see things about us that we don’t necessarily want them to see. I wasn’t going to have her put those things on display for all the world to see.”_

_“Then why did you let me finish the drawing?” Justin asked, his face betraying his confusion._

_A slight smile played on Brian’s lips as he first ran his hand down the side of Justin’s throat then began to trace his collarbone with his index finger. “Because I trust the way that you see me.”_

_That was really all there was to it._

_The awestruck look on Justin’s face brought a smile to Brian’s face. Tilting his head down slightly, he pressed his lips to the corner of Justin’s mouth, drawing the young artist in to a lingering kiss. Brian could feel Justin’s fingers slinking into his hair, pulling his head still closer._

_Not wanting to push Justin in any way, Brian let him decide how far they went at any given moment. Even when he felt Justin’s burgeoning erection brushing against his thigh, Brian’s hands didn’t stray lower than the teen’s shoulders until Justin’s fingers began to grasp at his hips. A slight grin curving the corner of his lips, Brian began to kiss his way towards the corner of the blonde’s jaw, earning him a few contented moans along the way._

_“Feels like you’re enjoying this,” Brian murmured against the side of the teen’s throat._

_Justin could only groan and rub his groin against Brian’s thigh._

_Moving his eyes back in Justin’s line of sight, Brian stared down at the lust fueled teen. “You sure you want this?”_

_There was no hesitation on Justin’s part before nodding his head. “I’m sure, Brian. Please.... I need....”_

_“I’ve got you, Sonnyboy. No worries,” Brian said into his skin as he crawled down Justin’s body. He left a series of wet, open-mouthed kisses down the smooth expanse of the artist’s skin, paying extra attention to any area he came across that was mottled by a dark bruise._

_Using his well developed leg muscles, Brian heaved himself into an upright position and reached towards the nightstand for a condom and some lube. He was surprised when he turned back to Justin and found rolled over onto his stomach._

_“You’re facing the wrong way,” Brian mumbled, reaching over to grab hold of Justin’s hip. “I want to be able to see your face.”_

_Justin glanced at him over his shoulder, a look of complete shock painting his features. “But I thought that you had to.... That you’d want me to....”_

_Setting the lube and condom down, Brian reached over and rolled Justin over onto his back. “I told you, Justin, I’m not him. He may not have wanted to see your face, but I do. I want to see your every expression for as long as possible,” he whispered, tracing his fingers over Justin’s features. “Your eyes. Your mouth. Your eyebrows. Your cheeks. Everything. All of you. No hiding.”_

_Justin’s eyes were brimming with tears and when one spilled over, Brian leaned down to kiss it away. His lips then made a trail down Justin’s cheek until he caught his lips up once again. Justin grabbed hold of his face, holding Brian as close as possible while the taller man reached back for the condom._

_“No rolling over again,” Brian warned as he pushed himself up slightly._

_Justin nodded his head, blinking rapidly to avoid more tears falling._

_“Here, put it on me,” Brian murmured, handing the foil wrapped condom to the blonde._

_For a moment, Justin seemed to hesitate, but then he reached his right hand out to grab hold of the condom, their fingers brushing for a moment. Sucking in his bottom lip, Justin ripped open the packet and, after a bit of fumbling, slipped the latex over Brian’s cock. Brian smiled reassuringly then grabbed up the lube and squirted some into Justin’s ass._

_“Ahh, it’s cold!” Justin gasped, his back arching slightly._

_Brian grinned down at him, rubbing a hand lightly over the blonde’s stomach. “It’ll heat up.”_

_Keeping his eyes on Justin’s face the entire time, Brian slowly eased his dick into Justin’s ass. Justin let out a long, drawn out groan, one which Brian found himself echoing. He squeezed his eyes shut tight as he slowly thrust inside the teen’s tight body completely._

_“I want you to always remember this....” Brian moaned, his mouth next to Justin’s ear. “So that no matter who you’re with, I’ll always be there.”_

Suddenly Justin’s face was in his line of sight, flashing his infamous mega watt smile. “Ready to get out of here.” 

Leaning across the counter, Brian caught Justin’s lips up in a quick kiss. “Let’s go.”


	14. Subdued Sunshine

“You know, if Gus turns out to be straight he and Brian are going to have all of Pittsburgh-- hell, the whole world --on its knees,” Sally proclaimed as she fed Gus his dinnertime bottle. After a pause, she added, “Metaphorically speaking. I think this guy is a little too young to worry about getting his dick sucked like his dadda. Speaking of the big bad, where is he tonight?” 

Justin waited a bit to make sure Sally wasn’t going to start talking again before answering. “He’s out wining and dining some potential clients. Some fifty year old straight woman who keeps trying to seduce him.” 

“Oh no! Not happening. If any straight woman gets a crack at him it’s me,” Sally declared, shaking her head as she spoke which caused her magenta hair fly out like a fan. The display impressed Gus who cooed happily around the nipple of the bottle. “I’ve already paid my dues.” 

“Sally, you’re not even straight,” Justin laughed, grinning over at his friend. 

“Well I’m not a full fledged lesbian yet so I can still lust after him. Besides, Brian Kinney defies sexuality. Gay, straight, we all want him,” she told him, grinning back. Sally then glanced down at Gus who was beginning to show signs of dropping off mid-meal. “Poor little guy doesn’t stand a chance in the world of being straight. You’re gonna break a lot of girls’ hearts when they find out you like dick, Gusger.” 

The conversation was doing wonders of taking surreal to a whole other level. Shaking his head, Justin pushed himself off the couch and headed into the kitchen to get him and Sally some pops. By the time he got back, Gus had fallen asleep and Sally was attempting to get him into his carrier without waking him up. 

“You know, it’s probably some form of cosmic destiny that had you and Gus showing up on the same night,” Sally said as she took the can of Mountain Dew from Justin. “At least in Brian’s world ‘cause you are definitely more than two months old.” 

Swallowing the fizzy liquid in his mouth, Justin shook his head once. “You’re wrong there, Sal. I am actually only two months old. I just age really fast.” 

“Then how come you’re not an old man yet?” the pink-haired girl prompted. 

Justin stammered for a moment before coming up with an answer. “Because of my metabolism. It works so fast that I never age any older than this. It’s how I keep Brian interested.” 

Sally smirked as she set her pop down on the coffee table. “I’m sure you have many ways of keeping Brian interested. None of which are suitable for an infant audience.” 

“I don’t think you have to worry about Gus being corrupted. He was corrupted before birth,” Justin smirked. 

Gus smiled in his sleep then and Justin noticed, not for the first time, that the infant had the same mouth as Brian. The same eyes and ears and chin as well. The only real physical trait that Gus seemed to have acquired from his mother was Lindsay’s nose. Which was a good thing because it meant that Brian and Gus would not be identical when the newborn got older. One trait Justin knew for certain had been passed from father to son was Brian’s tongue in cheek smirk. No one would believe him, but a week before when Brian and Justin were at Lindsay and Melanie’s for brunch, the teen was convinced he had seen Gus flash that smirk. 

“Hard to believe that an asshole like Brian can help creating something as perfect as Gus,” Sally mused, breaking into Justin’s thoughts. 

“Brian’s not an asshole,” Justin defended him absently, his attention still mostly focused on the baby. “At least not all the time. Besides, Gus is lucky to have Brian for his dadda. No matter who he becomes, Brian will always love him.” 

Sally was quiet for a moment then said, “Something I take it isn’t the same with your dad.” 

“What dad?” Justin mumbled with a sad smile. “As far as he’s concerned I don’t exist. Not anymore.” 

“It can’t be that hopeless,” Sally murmured sympathetically, rising from her spot on the couch and crossing over to the chair Justin was sitting in and situated herself on the armrest, pulling him into a sideways hug. 

Justin let out a loud breath and dropped his head against the back of the chair. “It can and it is. My father more or less threw me out. He decided that I wasn’t worthy of being his son and kicked me out. Didn’t even care that I had nowhere to go.” 

“Well, it’s been two months, maybe he’s changed his mind,” Sally ventured, sliding her fingers into his hair. “I’m sure he misses you like crazy and that he regrets what he did.” 

“He’s had eight months, Sal. I don’t think he’s ever gonna chance his mind,” Justin mumbled morosely. 

The girl stopped all motion then, staring down at Justin with wide eyes. “Eight months? But you’ve only known Brian for two months. What about the other six months?” 

Realizing what he had inadvertently revealed, Justin fell silent. He remained adamant about Sally not finding out about his past with Damian. The bruises had all long since disappeared and Justin wanted to lock the memories away as well. Most of all, Justin wanted Sally not to know about what had happened those six months when he was with Damian. The guys had their suspicions, after what had happened that first time in Woody’s it would be hard not to, but so far only Brian and Debbie knew for sure and Justin wanted to keep it that way. 

“You know you can tell me anything, Justin,” Sally pressed, running her fingers through Justin’s hair in a soothing manner. “It won’t change anything.” 

“There’s nothing to tell,” Justin said absently, praying that Sally could not feel the tension in his body. “I pretty much just moved around from place to place until I met Brian. That’s really all there is to it. All there is to the story.” 

Sally was quiet for a moment before asking her next question. “What about the bruises?” 

“What bruises?” Justin asked, forcing himself to remain calm. 

“Don’t bullshit me, Taylor. You know exactly what I’m taking about,” Sally said with a hint of sadness in her voice as she tilted Justin’s face up towards hers. “I heard Billy and some of his friends mentioning you having all sorts of bruises and that they didn’t really believe your story about you being in a lot of fights back at your old school. I don’t believe it either, Justin. Not knowing you the way I do. Your not a fighter, at least not that kind of a fighter. You’re not a violent person. So that makes me wonder if someone hurt you.” 

Not wanting to lie to Sally, Justin instead chose to say nothing. He turned his head and gazed out the window, hoping that she would get the hint and drop the conversation. 

“All right, I won’t push,” Sally consented at last, enveloping Justin in a quick hug. “But if you ever do need to talk about it, I’m right here.” 

“Thanks,” Justin mumbled, pressing a kiss to Sally’s cheek. Then he went for a complete subject change. “So have you seen your tattooed lady lately?” 

“And on that lovely note, I’ve got to go,” Sally announced, sliding off the armrest and making her way towards the door where he book bag was. “I’ve got to study for that oh so wonderful math test I have tomorrow.” 

Justin got up as well and followed her across the loft. “Better than the chemistry one I have on Friday.” 

Having picked up her bag, Sally paused for a moment then her head. “Yeah, I’ll take math over chemistry any day. I’ll have to give you a good luck sucker before you take it.” 

“So that if I pass you can say it’s your doing?” Justin laughed quietly so as not to wake Gus. 

Sally grinned broadly as she quickly pulled her magenta hair into a ponytail. “Got it in one. So are you going to be all right with mini-Brian?” 

Justin rolled his eyes. “I think I can handle a sleeping two month old, Sal. It’s not exactly rocket science.” 

“This from the twink who didn’t know how to test a bottle properly,” Sally smirked as she headed towards the door. “It’s a good thing I was here or Gus would have had a mouthful of really warm milk.” 

“Thanks for that, by the way.” 

Sally waved her right hand absently, her left one digging through her bag for her keys. “No harm done.” Her eyes lit up when she pulled the keys out along with a sucker. She looped one of the keychain rings around her thumb and more or less ripped the wrapper from the watermelon Blow Pop and shoved it into her mouth. “See you in prison tomorrow.” 

Then she was gone and Justin and Gus were by themselves. After locking the door, Justin grabbed one of his sketchbooks from the counter and made his way back into the livingroom where Gus slept on peacefully. Justin noticed Sally’s blue sunglasses lying on the table next to the baby’s carrier as he plopped down on the couch. Figuring that she was already out of the building, he made a mental note to give them back to her the next morning. Sally had enough pairs of different coloured sunglasses to make up two rainbows so it wasn’t as though she would miss them. 

The knock on the door told him otherwise. 

Justin glanced down at Gus to make sure that he was still asleep before heaving himself off the couch then jogging towards the door. 

“Geez, Sally, can’t you last one night without--” 

Justin’s words died in his throat as he pulled open the door and came face to face with Dr. Damian Walker. 

“Hello, Justin.” 

Reacting instantly, Justin attempted to slam the heavy metal door shut. Unfortunately, Damian was both bigger and stronger than him and was able to prevent the door from closing completely. Even the sudden surge of adrenaline he felt slamming through his blood stream wasn’t enough. 

“Are you going to invite me in?” Damian questioned as he forced the door open completely. There was the briefest hint of a smirk on his face that made Justin’s blood run cold. “I could have sworn that I taught you better than that.” 

“Get the fuck outta here,” Justin ground out, doing his best to quell his rising fear. “I’m not afraid of you anymore.” 

Damian chuckled mirthlessly, stalking through the entrance of the loft. “Fear has nothing to do with this. This is about taking back what belongs to me. You in particular.” 

“I’m... I’m not yours,” Justin stammered, desperate to keep Damian by the doorway and away from Gus who still seemed to be sleeping as peacefully as ever. “Not anymore and I’m not going anywhere with you.” 

“Now see that is where we disagree,” Damian stated casually. “You are mine. Always will be despite what you or Kinney believe. So you are going to follow me out of here without any fuss and I won’t be forced to hurt you.” 

Justin took a deep breath, his eyes never wavering from Damian’s. “It doesn’t matter whether I go with you or not, you’ll hurt me either way.” 

“True. Very true,” the doctor conceded. “You’ve been a very bad boy, Justin, and need to be taught how to behave yourself.” 

“N-n-n... no.” 

That single word, halted and hesitant as it was, was enough to send Damian over the edge. Before Justin had a chance to react, the larger man had a hand wrapped around his throat, squeezing tightly and cutting off his air supply. With his other hand, he punched Justin solidly in the stomach, forcing whatever air he had kept saved up in his lungs out in a giant gasp. His incredible fear using up the remaining oxygen in his bloodstream, Justin’s vision began to get slightly blurry around the edges. 

The floor came crashing up under him before Justin was even aware that Damian had pushed him down. He lay in a huddled mass on the ground for a few moments, gasping in huge lungfuls of air as he waited in fear for the next strike. 

A blow that was prevented by Gus’ fussing whimpers from the coffee table about thirty feet away. 

“What do we have over there?” Damian mused, a malicious lilt to his voice. “That’s Kinney’s brat, isn’t it? The bastard’s spawn?” 

His own fear banished, Justin lunged to his feet, sending his shoulder crashing into Damian’s middle. Whatever happened to him didn’t matter. As long as he kept Gus safe, Justin didn’t care what happened to him. 

“You little bastard,” Damian growled as he pushed himself away from the metal door which Justin had pushed him into only moments before. 

Before the doctor had even taken a single step, Justin caught sight of a flicker of light coming from his right hand. 

The knife. 

Hard as he tried, Justin reacted instantly to the sight of the laser cut blade. While, for the most part, he may have gotten over his fear of Damian the man, the knife was a completely different story. 

“I won’t tell you again, Justin. You are coming with me,” Damian stated emphatically as he idly ran a finger over the flat side of the blade. 

“No, I’m not,” Justin insisted, his entire body trembling as he forced the words out without any hesitation. “I’m staying right here. This is my home.” 

“Is that what Kinney told you?” Damian snorted, closing the distance between him and Justin. “Well I hate to be the barer of bad news, Justin, but that’s far from the truth. You are mine for always. I’m not letting you go ever.” 

Again Damian struck with lightning quick reflexes. The doctor caught hold of Justin’s left wrist, grasping it tightly in a vice like grip. Justin knew the exact instant Damian caught sight of the tattoo on the inside of his forearm because the taller man’s eyes narrowed. 

Then the blade was poised at the center at the knotwork pattern, the tip digging into his skin. 

“Only I am allowed to put marks on your skin, Justin.” 

With that, Damian shoved the blade into Justin’s flesh, dragging it across his arm, leaving a deep, bleeding gouge and at the same time tearing a loud scream from the teen’s throat. 

“Your body is mine,” Damian growled, yanking Justin’s body to his, holding him close with his hand at the small of his back. “Mine to control. Mine to do whatever I want with.” 

“Nnnooooo....” Justin moaned, struggling weakly. 

“Oh yes,” Damian murmured, his lips brushing against Justin’s cheek. 

“JUSTIN!” 

“Bri....” 

Damian cursed under his breath and shoved Justin away from him. The artist went crashing to the ground, weakly clutching his left arm to his chest. He could vaguely make out Gus’ frightened whimpers in the background and sluggishly rolled onto his side, pulling himself towards the infant with his right arm. 

“Justin!” Brian shouted from the doorway. 

“G-gus... can’t let him near Gus....” Justin whimpered, inching his way still closer to the table where the baby’s rested in his carrier. 

Justin cried out when he felt hands touching him, curling in on himself. One of those hands went into his hair then, soft and gentle, and Justin knew that it was Brian’s hands on him. Not Damian’s. Brian pulled him into his arms, but Justin was still struggling to make his way towards Gus, to quiet the infant. 

“Gus....” 

“Don’t worry about Gus, he’s fine, Justin. Nothing happened to him,” Brian insisted, his lips brushing against the blonde’s temple. “Now, come on, we’ve got to get you to the hospital. Let’s go.” 

With Brian’s help, Justin struggled to his feet, his left arm still clutched to his chest. Brian led him over to one of the stools at the counter and made Justin sit down. When Brian disappeared from his sight, Justin rose to his feet and stumbled in the direction of where he had left Gus. He bumped against the couch and nearly fell onto it except for Brian’s arms around his waist, pulling him back up. 

“Easy there, Justin,” Brian said as he leaned Justin against the armrest of the couch. He then took hold of the teen’s left arm and wrapped a towel around the forearm, stanching the blood flow. The towel in place, Brian held Justin against him as he reached towards the table, grabbing hold of the carrier with his other hand. “Come on, Sonnyboy, we’ve got to get Justin to the hospital.” 

Hearing his father’s voice, Gus’ cries turned into hiccuping whimpers. Like the infant, Justin felt infinitely calmer now that Brian was there. Brian was there and Damian was gone. 

Justin stumbled slightly as they got into the elevator, but Brian’s tight hold on his waist kept him upright. 

“I’ve got you, Justin. I’m right here,” Brian murmured in his ear as he pulled the teen into a tight hug, both his arms enveloping the teen. 

Justin leaned into Brian’s chest, his right arm snaking around his lover’s waist, trying to pull himself even closer. He sighed when Brian held him even tighter, his fear finally fading. Brian would never let anything happen to him. That was the one thing Justin believed in fully. The one thing he trusted completely. 

“He’s not getting near you again. Not if I can help it,” Brian murmured against his temple.


	15. Subdued Sunshine

At that moment all that Brian’s mind could focus on was the terrified expression he had seen on Justin’s face as one of the nurses had led him down a corridor to one of the exam rooms. More than anything, Brian had wanted to stay with Justin but because they had Gus with them he was stranded in the waiting room. As soon as the muncher mommies got there to look after their kid, nothing was going to keep Brian away from Justin. The younger man had been almost hysterical when the nurse told him that Brian had to stay in the waiting room with the baby and it had been equally hard on Brian who had only wanted to hold onto Justin. To assure himself that Justin was still with him. 

What Damian had done had crossed the line. The sadistic doctor had attacked Justin in his own home. The one place where he was supposed to be safe. Brian planned on using every law available to ensure that Damian never got anywhere near Justin again. He wasn’t going to let Justin get hurt like that ever again. 

“Brian! Brian, what happened?” Lindsay shouted as she and Melanie ran towards him, both of them in a panic. 

“Watch the kid,” Brian ordered, nodding his head down at Gus before he took off in the same direction that Justin had gone. He knew that they would still be around when he and Justin came out and he could get Melanie to work her legal magic and make sure that Damian never got anywhere near Justin again. 

Not knowing where it was that Justin had been taken, Brian’s run was halting so that he could stop and peer into each room that he passed. It couldn’t have been very far, but to Brian it seemed to take a long time to get even a quarter of the way down the hallway. Brian was very tempted to call for Justin in order to find the boy that way, but didn’t feel like making a complete fool of himself which meant searching every doorway. 

“I want Brian....” came Justin’s frightened voice drifting down the corridor. “Can one of you please get him? I need him.” 

Bolting in the direction that Justin’s voice had come from, Brian poked his head into the doorway and saw a flash of blonde hair. 

“Justin.” 

The word had barely left his mouth before Justin’s head whirled around, their eyes locking instantly. The panic and fear in the blue orbs was so intense that Brian could see it all the way from the other side of the room. The next thing Brian knew he was holding Justin’s trembling body in his arms. Brian held Justin tightly, the blonde’s feet about half an inch off the ground. Using that to his advantage, Brian carried Justin back to the exam table without breaking their embrace. 

“You would be Brian, I assume,” the doctor said as the man in question got himself and his lover situated on the bed so that Justin was seated between his legs, the younger man’s back against his chest. 

“Brian Kinney,” he confirmed, rubbing Justin’s stomach with his left hand. His right hand was resting lightly on the teen’s lap, their fingers twined together. When Justin’s head dropped back onto his shoulder, Brian pressed a kiss against the bright locks, earning him a contented sigh from the teen. “So what’s the verdict? How’s his arm?” 

The doctor continued to watch their interactions for a moment then glanced down at the chart in his hands. “The good news is that the cut was not a very deep one so none of the muscles were damaged in any lasting way. We stitched him up and I’m just waiting for the nurse to come back with some painkillers to get him through the next couple of days. However, due to the nature of the injury and the fact that you claimed Mr. Taylor had been attacked, we were forced to notify the police. An officer will be here shortly.” 

Brian nodded his head, taking in all the information. Massive as the wound appeared to be, Brian was relieved that it wasn’t a serious one. There was so much blood on Justin’s shirt and on the towel he had used to staunch the wound that Brian had expected Justin to need a transfusion just to get some colour back in his skin. 

“You wouldn’t, by any chance, have a number where his parents can be reached?” the doctor asked, breaking into Brian’s thoughts. “The message on their machine said that they are going away for a few weeks, but did not leave a forwarding number. It would be beneficial if we could get in touch with them.” 

Brian shook his head, glad that Justin would not have to deal with his estranged parents for the time being. “Sorry, but I can’t help you there. Could you have someone get a Melanie Marcus from the waiting room? She’s Justin’s lawyer and I want her around when the cops get here.” 

“Mr. Kinney, I’m sure there’s no need--” 

“I don’t want that bastard anywhere near Justin again,” Brian cut him off. “Mel will make sure that happens.” 

Justin made a whimpering noise then, his grip on Brian’s hand tightening. Not knowing what was wrong or how to stop it, Brian did the only thing he could think of to do. The fingers of his right hand still linked with Justin’s, he draped that arm across his lover’s shoulders from the front, his left arm encircling his waist. He held Justin tight against him, his face pressed into the young artist’s neck as he placed several soft kisses against the warmed skin. 

“I’m not going anywhere,” Brian breathed into his ear. “I’ll be right here no matter what. That’s a promise and you know I don’t break my promises.” 

Justin didn’t say a word. Instead, he turned his head towards Brian’s, his forehead brushing against the brunette’s lips. Brian held him tighter, suddenly filled with an irrational fear that Justin would disappear from his arms at any given moment. It was a fear that had been plaguing him since he had heard Justin’s scream from entrance of the building. Forgoing the elevator, he had charged up the stairs, three at a time, desperate to get to Justin to stop whatever had made him scream like that. 

And, for the second time, Brian cursed that he had gotten there too late to save Justin from harm. 

Brian flinched slightly, knowing that it was far more than twice that he had been unable to keep Justin safe. There were six months of missed times. Times that he didn’t even know about and would never know about except for the fact that it had happened. 

When the police officer arrived, Brian was able to coax Justin into telling the officer about what had happened that night in the loft. Hearing it for the first time himself, Brian had to force himself not to react outwardly. He wanted Damian to suffer for what he had done to Justin and knew that laws weren’t enough. What Brian wanted was to destroy the man’s life, but the cops would only hinder that. 

Feeling Justin start to shake more forcefully, Brian put his attention back where it belonged. 

“... grabbed... he grabbed my arm. That’s when he saw the tattoo..... It was suppose... supposed to be for protection,” Justin whimpered, using his grip on Brian’s hand to pull his arm tighter across his chest. “Didn’t work, though. He cut.... Damian cut through it. He wrecked it and now...,” Justin let out a full blown sob, “... now it won’t work. He’ll come back and he’ll finish it.... I don’t know what, but it’ll... it’ll be worse. He won’t let me go. Won’t ever let me go....” 

Brian lifted their joined hands, cupping Justin’s cheek and turning his head towards his. He silenced Justin’s sobs with his lips, absorbing them into himself. Brian wished that he could absorb Justin’s pain just as easily as he did the words. There was no way he could even pretend to know what Justin was going through. All that Brian did know was that it hurt him physically to see Justin in that kind of pain. 

Because he loved him. 

And as much as that thought scared him, Brian knew that there was no denying its truth. Justin had somehow managed to crawl under the wires and implant himself firmly in Brian’s life. In everything that he was. There was no going back. And, quite honestly, Brian wasn’t entire sure that he would want to go back. Brian was happy with his life. He liked falling asleep with Justin wrapped in his arms, one of the boy’s arms draped lightly across his waist. He liked waking up to find that Justin had been watching him sleep in the short time before the alarm went off. Sometimes Brian would be the first to wake up and he would gaze down at Justin as he slept, his fingers moving lightly through the blonde hair. 

“Look, if you’ve got enough information do you think we could get out of here,” Brian said before the officer to start with his questions again. “I want to take Justin home.” 

The cop paused for a moment then nodded his head, a solemn expression on his face. “Yeah, we have enough to go on for now. I’ll be in touch.” 

The police officer left the room then, followed almost immediately by the doctor who was going to get Justin’s release papers. Brian could sense just how close Justin was to breaking down and wanted to get him home as soon as possible. Once they got home, Justin could break as much as he needed to. He would have plenty of time since Brian didn’t plan on having either of them leave the loft until Monday. Four days should be plenty of time for the teen to recoup. 

“Look, Bri--” Melanie started but was immediately cut off by a sharp glare from Brian. 

“Not now, Mel,” Brian said with a quick shake of his head. “Tomorrow I’ll explain everything to everyone. At the loft around six. You and Lindz get everyone there. Not a minute before six. Understood?” 

Melanie gave Brian a disbelieving look. “You know that Lindz won’t leave until she sees Justin tonight.” 

“Well you’re just going to have to stall her,” Brian informed her, his voice brooking no argument. 

“It’s okay, Brian,” Justin murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “I want to say goodbye to Gus.” 

Brian brushed a kiss against the top of Justin’s head. “We’ll be out there,” he confirmed as he gave Justin a quick squeeze. “Just give us a few minutes.” 

“I’m gonna go see how they’re doing,” Melanie said, pointing in the direction of the door a she stepped backwards. 

For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, Brian was finally alone with Justin. It wasn’t in his choice of location, but they were together and, in the long run, that was what mattered to Brian. Damian would pay for what he had done to Justin. There was no doubt in Brian’s mind about that. Only first he would take care of Justin. Justin was what mattered to him. 

“You do realize that neither of us is leaving the loft until Monday morning,” Brian said softly as he ran his fingers through Justin’s hair. “I don’t care about your chemistry test on Friday or my meeting tomorrow. We’re staying home tomorrow, Friday and all weekend.” 

Even though Brian didn’t think it was possible, Justin leaned back further against his chest. “We’ll probably kill each other before Monday if we do that.” 

“No we won’t,” Brian said with a negative shake of his head. “It’ll be a good weekend. May even repeat that strawberry thing from that first weekend. You’ll see. It’ll be good.” 

Justin appeared uncertain, not quite sure whether he could trust his words or not. In fact, on the whole Justin seemed incredibly hesitant. Something Brian hadn’t seen since those first few days the blonde had been living with him. Justin had come so far in the past month and it pained him to see his lover forced back so far. 

So he did everything he could to make sure that Justin felt safe. Brian didn’t stray more than an arm’s length away from the teen if he even managed to get that far. For the most part, Justin remained tucked against his side, his right arm wrapping around his waist from behind. Brian held him just as close, draping his own arm across the surprisingly strong shoulders. 

No matter what the situation, Justin was one of the toughest and strongest people that he had ever met. Despite the emotional and physical pain he was in, Justin was still standing. Even managing a smile for Gus who was staring up at him with wide blue eyes which had already begun to shift in colour. Justin had been predicting that they would be hazel like Brian’s. Claimed it to be artist’s intuition. 

A large lump formed in Brian’s throat as the two of them stepped into the loft. There, on the floor, only five feet from the door were dark smears staining the hardwood flooring. Justin’s blood. He tried to keep Justin from seeing it, but the smaller man’s eyes seemed glued to the spot and no matter how hard Brian tried to move him, he wouldn’t budge. 

“It’s over now, Justin,” Brian murmured in his ear as he tried to draw Justin deeper into the loft. “He’s gone. The cops probably have him arrested already. There’s no way he’ll be coming back here.” 

Finally, Justin tore his eyes away from the bloodstains and stared up at Brian with wide, teary eyes. “I’m sorry for all this... for getting you involved. It probably would have been better if you’d never met me.” 

“That’s a load of bullshit,” Brian said fiercely, his eyes trained on Justin’s upturned face. “This is where you belong. It’s your home. Until tonight you would have believed that without a second thought. I’m not going to let him scare you out of your home.” 

“How can you say that?” Justin demanded, a single tear sliding down his cheek. “Gus was right here when it happened. Damian was going to hurt him. He would have hurt your son and it would have been my fault.” 

Brian placed a thumb over Justin’s lips, silencing his protests. “Gus is fine. You saw that for yourself. You kept him safe. The only one who got hurt is you. Again. But not again. I’m not going to let him hurt you like this again. You’re going to be safe, Justin. No matter what.” 

“You can’t keep me safe all the time,” Justin protested, tearing his gaze away from Brian’s and heading deeper into the apartment. “I think what happened tonight is pretty much proof of that.” “I’m not going to let that bastard get his hands on you again,” Brian insisted, following after the teen as he made a beeline for the large windows in the dining area. 

Justin stopped about a foot away from the center window, raising his left hand and placing it against the cool pane of glass. “Please don’t make promises like that, Brian. There’s no way you can keep a promise like that and I don’t want you to even try. You can’t have me watched twenty-four seven.” 

Stepping up behind him, Brian wrapped his arms around Justin’s waist and pulled the young artist back against his chest. “I know that I can’t, but I can do everything in my power to make sure that you’re kept safe. I want you around for a long time.” Hesitating for only a moment, Brian whispered the next part into Justin’s ear. “I love you.” 

“Don’t say something like that just because you think it’s what I want to hear,” Justin mumbled, his gaze dropping to the ground. “I know that you’ll keep me safe because you gave me your word. That’s all I need. Not some meaningless sentiment that I know you don’t believe. You know it, too.” 

“Quit being cynical,” Brian scolded without malice. “It doesn’t suit you. Besides, how do you know what I believe and what I don’t?” 

Sniffling, Justin raised his head, resting it against Brian’s shoulder. His eyes still remained focused downwards so that all Brian could see in the window was his hooded eyelids. “I’ve heard all about the Brian Kinney no love motto. You do fucking, not love. So I’m not going to delude myself. There’s no point.” 

“I don’t care what you’ve been told, Justin, but it doesn’t matter. You know I wouldn’t tell you that I love you if I didn’t mean it,” Brian told him more forcefully. 

Struggling, Justin squirmed his way out of Brian’s arms and all but bolted in the other direction. Brian watched his progress in the window’s reflection, keeping track of where Justin was going and making sure that he didn’t do something to hurt himself. He didn’t think that Justin would purposely hurt himself, but he knew that the teen wasn’t thinking clearly at that moment. He was scared and hurt and the painkillers the nurse had given him had probably only enhanced those two things. 

“Love is for shit,” Justin lamented from the open area near the front entrance. 

Near to where the blood was. 

“My parents spent the first sixteen years of my life telling me that they loved me and look how well that turned out,” he continued, his voice thick with unshed tears. “I ended up on the street. The fucking erased my life. I’ll bet that if you ask them now, they won’t even admit to having a son. Damian.... He used to tell me that he loved me. Idiot that I am, I actually believed him. Never again. I’m never going to be stupid enough to fall in love with anyone again.” 

“Justin--” Brian began to protest, but was cut off by Justin who slumped to the ground, fingering the bloodstains on the ground. He whirled around and started towards the teen, slowing only when Justin began to speak again. 

“I’m not going to love anyone. That way no one can hurt me. If I don’t care about them then it won’t matter what they do to me. So please, don’t...,” Justin begged, his eyes meeting Brian’s for a brief moment. “Don’t tell me that you love me. It won’t hurt if you don’t say it.” 

Kneeling down in front of his lover, Brian reached out to cup the side of his face, his thumb brushing over Justin’s damp cheek. “You’re right, Justin. Words mean shit. People can whatever they want to whoever they want and not mean a word of it. So pretend that I didn’t tell you that I love you. Those words never left my mouth.” Taking Justin’s right hand in his own, Brian pressed it over his heart. “But I do know what is in my heart and it’s not going to change. Once I let someone in, it’s forever.” 

For a long moment, Justin stared at their joined hands. He seemed transfixed by the sight, his gaze never wavering. 

“I don’t want you to be like the rest of them,” Justin whispered at last, lifting his eyes to meet Brian’s. 

Brian leaned forward, brushing a light kiss against Justin’s forehead. “You know that I’m not.” 

Justin sniffled, his nose and lips brushing against the side of Brian’s face as he nodded his head. “Promise me that you won’t be. Promise me and I’ll believe you.” 

“I won’t be like them, Justin. I won’t hurt you,” Brian promised, pulling Justin into his lap so that he was straddling his thighs. 

Justin wrapped his right arm around Brian’s neck, pulling his body as close as possible. The blonde didn’t say anything else, but Brian didn’t push him. Considering his past history with people who claimed loved him hurting him. At least Brian’s parents had never pretended to actually give a shit about him. That was why it never hurt as much, emotionally anyway, when his father would smack him around. Still, he knew that he was taking a risk by admitting to Justin that he loved him. It made him vulnerable to the teen, a position Brian wasn’t used to. 

“Is it okay if I love you too?” Justin murmured against the side of Brian’s throat. 

Turning his head to the side, Brian pressed a kiss against Justin’s temple. “I’ve got no problem with it. But only if you mean it. I’m not putting any pressure on you to say anything you don’t mean.” 

“I’ll mean it if you mean it.” 

“I mean it.” 

“I mean it too.” 

“Then I guess we both mean it.” 

“I’m glad.” 

Brian placed another kiss against the side of Justin’s head. “So am I.”


	16. Subdued Sunshine

“How can you still stand to look at me?” 

Turning his head to the side, Justin squinted to see Sally’s profile. The pair were lying on the front lawn of Grant High, their feet pointing in opposite directions while their heads were side by side. Sally’s eyes were hidden behind a pair of red tinted sunglasses, but the fact that her hair was a somber black spoke volumes for her state of mind. 

“Why wouldn’t I be able to still look at you?” Justin asked, feigning innocence. “This new hair colour of yours is a little dull, but I’ll get used to it. It’s definitely not a reason to ignore you.” 

Sally flipped onto her stomach, her eyebrows nearly reaching her hairline. “Did you conveniently forget what I did on Wednesday? I’m the one who let that freak into the building. If it wasn’t for me, he wouldn’t have hurt you. If you had any sense at all you’d never speak to me again. I should go. Leave you alone.” 

When Sally moved to get up, Justin reached out with his right hand, grabbing her wrist and holding her in place. “Park it, Rainbow Brite. This is not your fault and I don’t want you to go.” 

“It is my fault, Justin,” Sally insisted, lowering herself onto the grass, her head resting on her folded arms. “I’m the one who let him in. God, I think I even flirted with him.” 

“You didn’t know, Sal,” Justin insisted as he rolled onto his side, using his right hand to prop himself up. “You didn’t know anything about Damian. I made sure of it. So if it’s anyone’s fault, it’s mine.” 

“That’s a load of bullshit!” Sally cried, her mouth falling open in shock. 

“So’s you blaming yourself. Nothing could have prevented this,” he said softly, wishing that he didn’t now the truth behind his words. 

Justin pursed his lips, glancing down at his left arm which was resting casually on his side. Or at least appeared to be resting casually on his side. Justin had his arm placed in such a way so as not to put any pressure on the painful gouge that stretched across most of his forearm. Even four days after receiving the wound, it still ached fiercely when the slightest amount of pressure was placed on it. 

“Get over here, Sunshine,” Sally ordered, pulled his head down onto her shoulder. 

Moving carefully so as not to aggravate his arm, Justin curled himself against Sally’s side. The two were silent, content in the afternoon sun. Sally could talk a million miles an hour, but at other times she was as silent as they came. This was one of the times when she chose not to speak. Something for which Justin was grateful. 

All weekend people had been trying to get him to talk. To get him to talk about what Damian had done to him not only that night, but the entire six months he had been staying with the doctor. Only Brian seemed to understand that he didn’t want to think about Damian let alone talk about him. 

When the others had all come over around six on Thursday, Brian had told the rest of their pseudo-family about what had happened, Justin had tuned out everything external except for Brian’s left hand which was smoothing through the hair at the nape of his neck and his right hand where their fingers were entwined. Justin didn’t want to relive those moments of terror again, so he tuned them out. He wanted something comforting and Brian’s long, tapered fingers provided that. 

Everyone had been in a panic when they learned of the source of the massive cut on Justin’s arm and Brian had made them all swear on their lives not to let Damian anywhere near Justin again if they could prevent it. Justin had tried to protest, not wanting anyone to bear the slightest amount of guilt should the mad doctor reappear, but he had been out voted by every single person. His family was going to do whatever it took to keep their Sunshine safe. 

It wasn’t until that moment that Justin really started to feel like he was a part of the mismatched family. They had all be so protective of him, wanting to do whatever they could to keep him safe. Justin had been overwhelmed by the support, not used to having so many people willing to stick up for him. To protect him from the monster that wanted to destroy him. Even Michael had seemed concerned about him, something Justin never would have expected. 

“I’m surprised that Brian doesn’t have armed guards watching your every move,” Sally commented absently as she ran her fingers through his hair. 

Justin snorted, bumping his forehead against her chin. “Don’t even think about giving him any ideas. I just want everything to get back to normal. It’s over now. Damian’s been arrested, there’s a restraining order.... It’s done. That part of my life is done and I don’t want to have to think about it ever again.” 

“Then don’t,” Sally told him, the grin evident in her voice. “It’s done. It’s over. You’re safe and thank the gods nothing really bad happened to you. Which reminds me, Irina says that you have to go and see her when your arm’s all healed up so that she can fix up your tattoo. Free of charge.” 

“No,” Justin said definitively, his eyes once again trained on his injured arm. 

“No?” Sally repeated, the disbelief obvious in her voice. 

Releasing a loud breath, Justin sat back up, using his right hand to shield his eyes from the glare of the sun. “I don’t want the tattoo fixed. However it ends up healing, that’s how I want it to stay. Yeah, it’ll be more than a little on the fucked up side, but I want it that way. Now. It was a stupid idea anyway. Like a tattoo could keep me safe from Damian. It’s just ink. No magical powers, no nothing. I should have known that in the first place.” 

“It wasn’t stupid,” Sally protested, reaching into her bag to pull out another pair of sunglasses which she handed to Justin. “Not by a longshot. You wanted to believe that you were safe and that all that shit with Damian was over. Now it is. So you and Brian can go on being deliriously happy together without having to worry about that prick.” 

“You are such a freak, Sal,” Justin laughed, his eyes now hidden behind a pair of blue tinted sunglasses. Only not the ones Sally had left behind at the loft Wednesday night. Those ones had been delegated to the trashcan the moment had given them back to her the following day. 

“Why am I a freak?” Sally asked with a loud giggle. “You and Brian are so obviously in love. It’s written on your faces whenever you look at each other. The two of you will be deliriously happy for a long time. I just know it.” 

This conviction came without Justin having told her about Brian’s confession of love five nights before. Justin hadn’t told anyone. It was something that he wanted to keep for himself. No one would have believed him anyway. Sally might, but that was because she hadn’t known Brian as long as the other had. Neither had he. It had barely even been two full months since that first night. There was still so much about Brian that he didn’t know, a lot that he probably would never know. Not from lack of trying on his part, but because Brian was too secretive to actually tell him. It was just his way. Brian had spent a lifetime working up all his defenses and Justin knew that it would take a long while before Brian found out all he wanted to know. 

Justin was more than willing to wait however long it took to unwrap the enigma that Brian had surrounded himself in. 

“So have you talked to Brian about the fund-raiser yet?” Sally asked as the two of them went back to watching the clouds that were floating overhead. 

Grateful for the complete change of subject, Justin let out a small laugh and sat up. “Are you fucking crazy? Brian would never go to a costume thing. Hell would freeze over first.” 

“You never know, he could go,” Sally tried, shrugging her shoulders against the grass. “The big question is: what would he go as?” 

“Sally....” Justin groaned, doing his best to keep his laughter at bay. It would only encourage her. 

“It would have to be something incredibly sexy and incredibly tight,” Sally mused, completely ignoring Justin. “But it would have to go with your costume....” 

“My costume?” Justin interrupted, staring down at Sally as though she were completely mad. “When did I decide on a costume?” 

Even behind the glasses, Justin could make out Sally’s annoyed expression. “I told you last week when you told me about this thing. You’re gonna be Sid Vicious and I’m Nancy. I’ll get to be a blonde and you, my pretty, will be a raven-haired beauty.” 

“You’re not dying my hair!” Justin cried, spreading his right hand over his head to protect his hair. “I like it just the way it is. Besides, Brian would fucking kill you if you dyed my hair.” 

“Brian loves me,” Sally said confidently, grinning like a madwoman. “He’ll let me dye your hair. It’s only for one night anyway. Next day, you’ll be back to your boring old blonde self. I promise. Meanwhile I was thinking of going purple next time around. I haven’t done that colour for a while.” 

“He’s still gonna kill you,” Justin insisted with a lop-sided smirk. 

“Not if I tell him it was your idea,” Sally told him, lowering her sunglasses enough so that Justin could see the mischievous gleam in her eyes. 

“Oh please! Like he’s gonna believe that,” Justin laughed, throwing a stray leaf in her direction. As he tossed the leaf down, he happened to catch sight of his watch and frowned. “I’ve gotta go. My shift starts in about twenty minutes.” 

Sally shot into a seated position, the red lensed glasses nearly falling off her face. “You’re going to work? Are you out of your mind? What about your arm? Shouldn’t you take a few days off?” 

“I’ve already taken off four,” Justin pointed out as he rose to his feet. “I just want things to get back to normal. That means going back to avoiding getting groped at the diner. Don’t give me that look, Sally. I’ll be fine. I know what I can do and what I can’t do. Besides, Deb will be there in a few hours and she’ll be watching me like a hawk.” 

“I could go with you until she gets there,” Sally volunteered, handing Justin his back pack. 

Justin carefully slipped the strap over his right arm before sliding his left arm through the other strap. “You have an English paper to write. So you go home and do your homework while I go fend off cruising queers for four hours.” Sally was standing by this time and Justin leaned over to kiss her cheek. “See ya tomorrow, Sal.” 

“Bye, Justin. Call me later tonight,” Sally called after him. 

Justin spun around, shaking his head. “It’s Monday. Your turn to call me.” 

“Twat!” 

“Twink!” 

With one last grin, Justin turned back towards the sidewalk and began the fifteen minute trek to Liberty Diner. As he walked down the deserted sidewalk, cars passing intermittedly, Justin realized that it was the first time he’d really been alone since Wednesday night. No one watching his every move. And even though he liked the way Brian watched over him, it was a nice change of pace. 

True to his word, the two of them hadn’t left the left the loft the entire weekend. And, except for the gathering of the clan on Thursday, they had been completely on their own. For most of the first day they hadn’t even left the bed. 

Naked, the pair had laid side by side, facing each other. Most of the time they didn’t even speak. Just laid there. Justin’s head tucked under Brian’s chin, arms wrapped around each other. Whatever Brian was thinking, Justin didn’t know and knew that he probably wouldn’t have been able to guess it even if he tried. So he didn’t. Instead, Justin allowed Brian’s very presence to comfort him, to chase away the demons that had woken him several times during the night from horrible dreams that he couldn’t remember. All he knew was the terror they caused. Terror which Brian had been able to erase with only a few gentle touches and calming words. 

The second day they had moved the kitchen table aside and built a makeshift bed out of pillows, cushions and blankets and lounged on it all through the day and night. All of their food came via delivery men. One of them even came bearing a large pepperoni pizza, something Justin never thought to see Brian order. The greasy, cheesy mess had never tasted as good to Justin as it did then. He had even managed to coax a few bites into Brian who protested even though he’d been stealing pepperonis off Justin’s slices the entire time. 

That night, as the sun dipped below the buildings, the two of them had made love in the fading light. Brian’s movements were very slow. Very gentle. Their faces hovering only inches apart as they always were whenever they made love. Another constant was the way their fingers were be linked, their palms pressed together. Mindful of his injured arm, Brian held him carefully to ensure that he didn’t place any pressure on the stitched up wound. 

Still, even though the physical aspect of it was subdued, the emotions were not. Those were just as potent as ever. Even more so because Justin knew exactly where he stood in Brian’s life. Brian’s confession of love, which had initially scared him two nights before, instead brought him a great deal of comfort. When Brian loved him, it didn’t hurt. There was no pain at all. Only a wonderful, indescribable feeling that filled him completely. 

Not for the first time that day, Justin bit the inside of his cheek, knowing that he had a dopey grin on his face at that moment. Whenever he thought about Friday night, the grin would suddenly appear. To Justin, that night seemed magical and he still couldn’t believe that it had been real. That Brian had really held him so close, whispering promises of love and using their joined hands to wipe the sweaty bangs away from his forehead. And even though the movement sent razors of pain shooting through his body, Justin had lifted his right arm to run his fingers through Brian’s unruly hair, lightly pushing it away from his eyes. The intense look in those hazel orbs took his breath away. It was almost as though Brian was looking straight through to his soul. Whatever doubt he had had about Brian up until that moment vanished in that instant. 

A small smile playing across his red, swollen lips, Brian had leaned down just far enough to brush the softest of kisses against Justin’s mouth. Justin could barely even feel any pressure on his lips physically, but in his mind he could feel every bump and every contour of Brian’s lips as they moved against his own. He could feel their warmth and wetness and even though he knew it would only take the slightest movement from him to diminish the distance between their lips, Justin stayed right where he was. 

So lost in his memories, Justin let out a small cry when his cell phone went off. Justin rolled his eyes at his foolishness and dug the small phone out of his pocket. The phone rang a third time before he turned it on. 

“I’m fine,” Justin said in leu in greeting. 

He couldn’t see the other man, but Justin could imagine the mock scowl on Brian’s face. “And just how do you know that I was calling to check up on you?” 

“‘Cause I know you,” Justin grinned, glancing around quickly before jogging across the street. “You’re a lot more predictable than you’d like everyone to believe.” 

“And you’re a brat,” Brian shot back, failing to keep the laughter out of his voice. 

“But you love me anyway,” Justin said confidently, still feeling the effects of the pixie stix Sally had plied him with as an I’m-sorry-you-got-hurt gift. “So if you’re not checking up on me, why are you calling?” 

“I have to have a reason to call you?” Brian inquired amidst the sound of shuffling papers. 

Justin shook his head even though Brian couldn’t see him. “Didn’t say that. Just curious.” 

“Just felt like talking to you before your shift started,” Brian more or less mumbled bringing an instant smile to Justin’s face. “I wanted to find out how your arm was holding out. Did you need to take any of the pills today?” 

“Not a one,” Justin confirmed, absently glancing down at his left arm. “It’s still a little sore, but not too bad. I’ll be all right for my shift but I’ll probably need one of the pills later tonight.” 

“You know that Deb will let you go if your arm really starts to hurt,” Brian told him, the concern evident in his mouth. 

Justin crossed onto Liberty then, the diner in sight. “I’ll be fine, Brian. I know better than to lift anything heavy with my arm. So stop worrying and go back to work. And remember, you promised you’d meet Lindsay at that baby store by the diner after work.” 

Brian groaned audibly. “I can’t fucking believe I’m letting her dress my kid. I’m seriously thinking of asking my tailor if I can get specially ordered Armani baby clothes.” 

“Oh quit it,” Justin chastised him, catching sight of a jumper in the window of the baby store that he knew Lindsay would end up buying for the infant. “Gus looks adorable.” 

“He’s more colourful than the Smurf,” Brian complained. 

“At least he can’t dye his hair yet,” Justin said helpfully, unable to keep from laughing. 

Brian made a frustrated noise which only made Justin laugh harder. “What hair? My kid is practically bald.” 

“He’s two months old,” Justin reminded him as he came up to the diner. “Gotta go, I’m here now.” 

“All right. I’ll see you at about six or so.” 

Justin pulled open the door to the diner. “Be nice to Lindsay.” 

“Spoilsport.” 

“Love you too,” Justin snickered then disconnected the call.


	17. Subdued Sunshine

“Love you too,” Brian said quietly as he placed the receiver back in the cradle. He sat back in his chair, snaking his fingers into his hair. 

Despite the strong front he put up, Brian knew that Justin was still hurting. He had seen the hesitancy in the dark blue eyes that morning as he had dropped him off in front of the high school that morning. On some level, Justin had wanted to return to the loft. Yet Justin had shoved his fears aside and climbed out of the jeep, but not before receiving a fortifying kiss from Brian. 

It had been a challenge for Brian to not call Justin several times during the day. That urge had only gotten worse when he’d received a call from Melanie around lunchtime telling him that Damian had gotten out on bail. Brian had known that it would happen. That Damian would be walking free before long. And Brian knew that he should tell Justin about it, but he wanted Justin to have at least one day free of worry. After hearing his voice on the phone minutes before, Brian knew that he had made the right decision. For those few minutes at least, Justin sounded just like he had before it all happened. He sounded carefree. Happy. 

Which was what Brian wanted more than anything. 

Once everything with Damian was finished, Brian knew that there would on longer be any serious threats to Justin’s happiness. The deranged doctor would be gone and Justin would have a chance at a normal life. As normal as life could be, anyway. 

“Brian, Lindsay’s on line one,” Cynthia announced over the intercom. 

Not in the mood for whatever smart remark his secretary would have waiting for him, Brian instead went straight to Lindsay’s call. “Please tell me that you’ve come to your senses and decided to let me handle all of Sonnyboy’s clothing needs until he’s old enough to pick out his own Pradas.” 

“Cute, Bri,” Lindsay laughed. “I hate to break it to you, but our son is not going to be wearing designer baby clothes. He’s only going to make a mess of them anyway.” 

“Not my kid,” Brian insisted as he leaned back in his chair, absently scanning the layouts that littered the top of his desk. “So if you’re not calling to admit to your own fashion defaults, what’s the reason?” 

“I just wanted to see if maybe you wanted to grab a bite to eat at the diner before our shopping expedition,” Lindsay suggested. 

Brian grinned at the obvious flustered tone in Lindsay’s voice, but decided to play along. “You could have just brought it up at the house of horrors. It’s only a few doors down from the diner.” 

“I know, but--” 

“But you want to check on Justin and figure this way you can get away with it without me catching you glancing towards the diner the entire time,” Brian finished for her. “You should know by now that I know what your worried mother voice sounds like.” 

“Oh shut up, Brian,” Lindsay cried, trying for annoyance but failing miserably. “So are we going or not?” 

“Fine. We’ll go so that you can check up on Justin,” Brian conceded easily. 

“Don’t even try to pretend that you don’t want to go check up on him too,” Lindsay scolded. “I saw that look on your face Wednesday night. You care about Justin. Admit it.” 

“Goodbye, Lindsay.” 

“See you at five-thirty. And don’t be late. Gus doesn’t appreciate your fashionably late entrances,” Lindsay said before hanging up. 

His conversation with Lindsay over, Brian turned his attention back to the mock ups on his desk. Since he had missed two days the week before he had a lot of catching up to do. Brian knew that he should probably stay late, but he would rather take the work home for reasons he didn’t entirely want to admit to. At least not vocally. Justin would know and that was more than enough for Brian. 

On many levels, Brian still couldn’t believe that he had actually admitted his feelings to the young artist. Telling Justin that he loved him made Brian a lot more vulnerable than the teen could ever realize. It gave Justin the ability to hurt him. They made quite a pair in that respect: Justin being hurt by those who claimed to love him and Brian being hurt by those that he loved. And while Justin knew about a lot of the shit he had been through when he was younger, there was even more that Brian had remained silent about. He wasn’t ready to face all of his demons. They had been buried away for far too long and Brian wanted to keep it that way for as long as he was senile enough to care. 

“It’s ancient history anyway,” Brian mused to himself as he fingered the cowry shell bracelet on his wrist. 

No point in dragging it back up. His recent history with Justin would undoubtedly be a therapist’s dream come true. Between the two of them there was probably enough emotional havoc to write an eight volume psychiatric encyclopedia. Not that Brian planned on ever seeing a shrink. He had survived twenty-nine years without one and he could make it another twenty-nine years. Although Brian preferred not to think about the latter twenty-nine years. It would be bad enough when he turned thirty the following year. 

Cynthia buzzed him again. “Ryder’s heading your way.” 

Having expected this confrontation all day, Brian didn’t even flinch. “Thanks for the heads up, Cynthia.” 

Less than a minute later, Marty Ryder appeared in his doorway, glancing at Brian was sat reclined in his chair with his feet propped up on the desktop for only a moment before continuing into the office. Brian acknowledged his presence with only a slight nod, his attention mostly focused on the layout resting on his upraised thighs that was covered with red pen marks which indicated the countless changes that needed to be made. 

“What can I do for you, Marty?” Brian asked as he dropped the layout down ontop of the others. 

“You could start by telling me why you weren’t here for the meeting with our top client on Friday,” Ryder said, dropping down into the seat across from Brian. 

Brian smirked slightly, not surprised that Ryder was going straight to the point. “Like I said when I called in on Thursday; there was an emergency and I would be unreachable till Monday. It’s Monday, here I am. None the worse for wear. And from what I can tell, neither is our client.” 

“Well see, Brian, when you bail on an important meeting like you did on Friday, I need a little more information than ‘an emergency,’” Ryder pointed out, leaning back into the chair and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“What do you want me to say?” Brian asked, dropping his arms to the side. “That I came home from dinner with Helena Brock on Wednesday only to find a friend of mine lying on the ground bleeding and my two month old son not twenty feet away screaming at the top of his lungs? Is that the type of explanation you were looking for, Marty? Or do I need to add something a little more dramatic?” 

Ryder blanched visibly at that and stammered for a few minutes, trying to come up with a response. “Is, um.... Is everyone all right?” 

“As all right as a person can be when he was attacked in his own home and has a deep cut running from his wrist to his elbow. How do you think?” Brian said as casually as he could manage. There was no point in letting his boss know that even thinking of what he had seen Wednesday night still made his pulse race. He had to keep reminding himself that it was over and that Justin was safe. A little worse for wear, but still in one piece. 

“Now I can understand Thursday, but was it really necessary to take off Friday as well?” Ryder pressed, seeming guilty that he had even dared to ask the question. 

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” was the only answer he got from Brian. “Look, Marty, I’ve got a lot of work to do so if you don’t mind....” 

“I hope your friend is all right.” 

With that, Ryder left the office and it was all Brian could do not to slam the door after him. It wasn’t as though he was constantly calling in sick or not showing up for no reason. Thursday and Friday were the first days in almost three years that Brian had taken any personal days. He was entitled to a few days off without getting any shit from Ryder. 

“Would this be a good time to tell you that I’ve got Michael on line two?” Cynthia asked, poking her head into the office. 

Brian shot her a withered expression then reached over and picked up his phone. “What, Mikey?” 

“Play nice,” Cynthia admonished cheerfully at the same time Michael said, “What crawled up your ass and died?” 

“Hello to you too, Michael, now tell me what the fuck you want,” Brian grumbled, barely resisting the urge to go track down Bob and Brad and wring their identical necks. 

Michael was silent for a moment before he spoke again. “I was just wondering if you wanted to go to Woody’s tonight. Unwind a little.” 

“Can’t,” Brian answered automatically. 

“What do you mean you can’t?” Michael complained, his voice raising an octave. 

Making notes on the copy in front of him, Brian told him, “I mean that I have a shit load of work to catch up on and I’ll be lucky if I finish before midnight. Then I’m going to have a nice long shower and go to bed.” 

“Come on, Bri, we haven’t been out in almost a week. You need the time for yourself,” Michael tried again. 

“Do you even remember why I haven’t been out all week?” Brian asked, already more than frustrated with the conversation. 

“Justin got a cut on his arm. So what?” Michael said dismissively, earning him a glare from Brian which he could not see. 

“A cut on his arm?” Brian growled incredulously. “If it had been even a fraction of an inch deeper, Justin would have needed surgery to repair muscle damage.” 

Michael huffed loudly. “I’m sure that’s an exaggeration, Brian. It didn’t look that bad. And if Justin’s already working at the diner--” 

“Enough, Michael,” Brian cut him off, very tempted to hang up on his best friend. “You saw him for yourself on Thursday. So why don’t you lay off Justin. If I finish up early enough I’ll see if I can get to Woody’s for a drink.” 

“Don’t put yourself out for me,” Michael pouted from wherever he was calling. 

“Don’t be a twat, Mikey. It doesn’t suit you,” Brian said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Now I’ve got work to do before I’m being forced to go clothes shopping for Gus with Lindz. Talk to you later.” 

Without waiting for Michael to say anything, Brian hung up the phone. He did not have the time to deal with Michael and his insecurities when it came to Justin. Over the past two months, Brian had gotten used to his best friend’s jealousy towards Justin. With everything that was going on, though, Brian didn’t feel that he needed to reassure Michael of anything. They had known each other for fifteen years so if Michael wasn’t secure in his position in Brian’s life that was his own problem. 

Brian pushed the chair away from his desk and rose to his feet, a bright red stress ball clutched tightly in his right hand. He molded the ball in both his hands for a few moments before taking to tossing it up with his right hand and catching it in his left. Keeping up the continuous motion, Brian was able to force his mind blank. He focused on nothing but the malleable sphere which appeared to float for the few seconds it was airborne, allowing all of the day’s stresses to leave him. For over a year, Brian had been considering setting himself up a small soccer net that he could take shots at to relieve his stress, but until he got around to it, throwing a smaller ball into the air would have to do. 

After another hour of attempting to correct the disasters that had occurred during his two day absence, Brian began to pack up everything he planned on bringing home. Justin finished his shift at seven-thirty which left two hours for dinner and for Lindsay to torture him with frightening baby clothes. Brian figured that if he spent long enough eating, he could get away with maybe spending little more than an hour actually in the store. Though how a place which specialized in such brightly coloured monstrosities could be considered a store was beyond him. 

“Wish me luck,” Brian called as he passed by Cynthia’s smaller office which adjoined his. 

“It’s not as bad as all that,” the secretary laughed in response. 

Brian stopped long enough to poke his head into the doorway, a single eyebrow arching. “And here I thought you had taste, Cynthia.” 

“Oh go spend time with your son,” she called, waving a hand in his direction. 

With one final annoyed look, Brian continued on down the hallway towards the elevators. Time had gotten away from him and even if he hurried he would end up making one of his fashionably late entrances. One day when Gus was older, he would teach his son how to make the perfect entrance. When he was old enough to appreciate them. 

And even though Lindsay should have been more than used to his late entrances, it didn’t stop her from calling him five minutes after he was supposed to have shown up at the diner. 

“I’m late, I know, but I’ll be there in another five minutes,” Brian promised as he brought the phone to his ear. 

“Justin’s not here.” 

With that single, panicked statement, the cell phone dropped from Brian’s suddenly numb fingers. In direct contrast, he increased his pressure on the gas pedal, ignoring all speed limits and traffic symbols. 

“BRIAN!... BRIAN!.... BRIAN! ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!” 

Snatching the phone off the seat, Brian brought it back to his ear. “Lindsay, please tell me this is some sick fucking joke,” he pleaded with her as he drove like a madman towards Liberty Ave. 

“I wish that I was,” Lindsay whimpered into the phone. “But he’s not here. I don’t know where he is, but he’s not here. Oh God, Bri, what if he has him again! What if he has Justin?” 

At the diner by this time, Brian pulled half onto the sidewalk, uncaring of the pedestrians that he nearly ran over. 

“Brian, what’s going on?” 

Ignoring Emmett who was coming tearing up the sidewalk, Brian bolted into the diner. He spotted Lindsay immediately, slumped in a stood in front of the counter, tears streaking her cheeks. One of the waiters was coming over with a glass of water for Lindsay, but Brian intercepted him, taking the glass in his own hands and helping to steady Lindsay’s hands as she brought the glass to her lips. 

“Emmett, watch the baby,” Brian barked, leaving the two where they were as he stalked into the back of the diner to see for himself whether Justin was there or not. 

He knew that Lindsay wouldn’t be so freaked if she didn’t truly believe that Justin was gone, but he needed to check for himself. Brian could feel the fear surrounding his heart as he made his way through the four rooms that made up the back of the diner. The kitchen, storage room, the piddly employee lounge and the manager’s office. Justin wasn’t in any of those rooms or in the washroom. Men’s or women’s. 

Justin’s backpack was there, though. 

Picking it up with shaking fingers, Brian felt his fear increase even more. There was no way that Justin would have left the backpack behind. It was always with him. Wherever he went. 

That meant he hadn’t left willingly. 

Which mean that someone had taken him. 

Brian nearly ran back out into the main area of the diner where Deb now stood rocking a fussy Gus. The trio all looked up, along with several other patrons and employees, when Brian appeared beside the counter. Brian clutched Justin’s backpack tightly, not slowing down as he made his way to the exit. 

In his mind, there was only one person who could have Justin. 

The law had been given its chance to protect Justin and failed miserably. So Brian was going to do whatever was necessary to make sure that Justin was back safe with him. 

“I’m going with you, Brian.” 

The only indication Brian gave to having heard the voice was to place Justin’s bag in the backseat instead of the passenger side like he had originally been moving to do. He pulled out into the street with a squeal of tires and took off towards the downtown condo of Dr. Damian Walker.


	18. Subdued Sunshine

The sound of the door opening brought a strangled cry from deep within Justin’s throat. No sound passed between his lips, though, because of the ball gag Damian had shoved in his mouth before he left. 

Knowing that the only person who would have been able to open the front door of the condo was Damian only sent Justin into a further panic. He’d thought that he would have more time before the doctor returned. Normally when he was called away to the hospital, it was hours before he returned. Justin realized then that it probably had been hours since Damian’s departure but in his panicked state he hadn’t noticed the passage of time. 

Now it was too late. 

Damian was back and all his escape attempts had merited was a few trails of blood dribbling down his left arm where the stitches on his forearm had broken open. He was still strapped, face first, against the cross-like structure in the doctor’s playroom. Even without the thick blindfold covering his eyes, Justin wouldn’t have been able to see the doctor’s approach because he was facing away from the door which left him completely vulnerable. He couldn’t move, could see and couldn’t make a sound. To Justin there was nothing more terrifying. 

Several doors opened and closed just down the hall from the room he was in and Justin began to pull against the leather straps more forcefully even knowing that he would not be able to escape. He was unable to get any purchase and had to rely on his arms alone to do all of the work since his legs were bound to the lower part of the structure and another strap around his middle prevented him from leaning backwards. By the time the door to the playroom was opened, Justin’s face was slicked with tears and sweat, but he was no closer to freeing himself then he had been when the first door had opened. 

“JUSTIN!” 

Brian’s voice! 

It was Brian. He was there. Brian was there and not Damian. Relief flooded through every cell of his body and Justin sagged in his bonds. 

Then Brian was touching him. 

One hand on his arm the other on the back of his head. 

“I’ve got you, Justin. It’s over,” Brian whispered to him as he unfastened the blindfold that had thus far prevented him from seeing Brian. 

Blinking rapidly to readjust his eyes to the light, Justin focused on Brian’s face. In his lover’s eyes he saw the same fear and panic that was undoubtedly mirrored in his own. 

“Brian,” Justin whimpered breathlessly as the ball gag fell harmlessly to the floor a few moments later. 

Justin didn’t realize that someone was with Brian until he felt the leather straps binding his ankles to the structure’s frame gave way. The other person didn’t really matter to Justin at that moment, though. 

All that his mind could focus on was that Brian was there. 

That he had come for him and was there and it was over. Justin’s eyes remained locked with Brian’s as the taller man began to struggle blindly with the strap around his middle while the other person worked on his right. His right arm gave way first and then the mystery person spoke. 

“I’m going to go find a blanket or something to cover him with,” Lindsay said to the two men though neither was paying much attention to her. 

His right arm already moving across his torso towards Brian, Justin practically collapsed when Brian finally got his left wrist free. But Brian’s arms were around him in an instant, holding him upright. 

Justin finally felt safe then. Brian wouldn’t let Damian touch him again. 

Not now, not ever. 

“Justin, did he touch you? Did he hurt you?” Brian murmured in his ear while his hands carried out their own inspection against his back. 

“My arm hurts,” was the mumbled response Justin gave. 

There wasn’t much of the past few hours that he could remember. From the instant he had realized Damian was there, much of the ensuing events had become very vague as his mind blocked out what was going on around him. Justin hoped that those missing hours continued to remain absent because he didn’t want to remember them. Brian was there and that was all that mattered. Damian hadn’t done anything and Brian had come. 

Just like Justin had known he would. 

He let out an involuntary cry when Lindsay wrapped a blanket across his shoulders. Justin pressed himself even tighter against Brian’s body, his fingers clutching at his shirt. 

“Take it easy, Justin,” Brian said softly against the top of his head. “It’s just Lindz. She’s not gonna hurt you. Okay? Just relax.” 

As much as Justin wanted to do just that, he couldn’t. Not in that room. It would never happen in that room. Even with Brian there, holding onto him so tightly, it would never happen. The playroom was often the setting for his worse nightmares. He had been hurt too much in that room. Scared too much. 

Sensing this, Brian hoisted Justin off the ground and into his arms, Lindsay arranging the blanket around him so that he was covered. Justin could almost remember Damian cutting away his clothes after he had been bound to the heavy wooden cross thing so even if he had been willing to let go of Brian long enough to get dressed, it wouldn’t have been possible. At that moment, Justin wasn’t sure he could actually unwind his arms from around Brian’s neck. He didn’t ever want to let go of Brian. 

“I’m sorry,” Justin whispered against the curve of Brian’s throat. “I didn’t know... that it... that it was him. I though that....” 

“Shhhh.... Don’t think about it, Justin,” Brian murmured against his forehead. “It’s not your fault. Nothing that happened is your fault. Don’t you dare think that. Never. Do you hear me, Justin? It’s not your fault.” 

Justin did the only thing he could do which was nod his head. There would be no arguing with the Brian, not when he was that adamant about something. Justin didn’t have the energy to argue the point, either. He just wanted it to all be over. To close his eyes and make it all go away. But the throbbing ache in his arm prevented him from forcing his mind blank and making it all stop. 

And even knowing full well that it was Brian who was holding him, he could still feel Damian’s hands on his skin. Creeping along his waist and up his back. Damian’s breath had seemed disgustingly warm against the side of his throat as he whispered promised threats into his ear as Justin pulled futilely against his bonds. His struggles stopped immediately when he felt the doctor’s hard cock brush against his hip. 

Moments later, when he heard Damian’s pager beeping from somewhere behind him, Justin had sobbed in relief. 

“Justin, what’s wrong? Are you all right?” Brian’s voice broke into the horrible memory flashback, freeing him from it. 

Justin’s entire body jerked and his grip on Brian’s shirt tightened. “Bri....” 

“It’s me. I’ve got you,” Brian murmured, his lips against his forehead. “We’re almost out of here. The jeep’s right outside those doors.” 

The only thing Justin saw when he opened his eyes was the collar of Brian’s crimson dress shirt and the elegant curve of his chin and neck. He watched his Adam’s apple bob in his throat, wanting to kiss it like he had so many times in the past, but not even having the energy to lift his head from Brian’s shoulder. 

A blast of cold air brushed against the side of his face and exposed feet as Lindsay opened the lobby door leading outside. His eyes sill unused to the light, Justin squeezed his eyes shut against the glare of the sun and burrowed himself deeper into Brian’s arms. 

“Grab the keys out of my right pocket, Lindz,” Brian ordered, stopping in front of what Justin assumed was the jeep. “You’re driving.” His voice softened considerably as he whispered in Justin’s ear, “I’m gonna set you down for a second. Just lean up against me, okay. I’ll be right here.” 

As Brian lowered him to the ground, Justin allowed his arms to drop from around Brian’s shoulders. Justin stood leaning against Brian with is back facing whatever lay beyond. He moved numbly, the fingers of his right hand clumsily holding closed the edges of the blanket that was keeping him covered while Brian’s arm around his waist kept him upright. 

Then Brian lifted him up so that his feet were no longer touching the sun-warmed sidewalk and helped him into the backseat of the jeep. Brian climbed in behind him and pulled Justin onto his lap, holding him as close as possible. 

“I thought he was you,” Justin whispered, clutching tightly at Brian’s shirt. He was unwilling to let go of him even for a moment. “I... I was at the counter.... He pressed up against me from behind. Like you do sometimes.... When you show up before my shift is done....” 

Brian pressed a kiss against his forehead, hugging him tightly. “I’m so sorry, Justin. So fucking sorry. I should have made sure that Deb was there. Or someone who wouldn’t have let that bastard drag you out of there.” 

“Brian, you couldn’t have known what was going to happen,” Lindsay protested from the driver’s seat. 

“Michael was there,” Justin mumbled, knowing that Brian probably wouldn’t believe him, but needing to tell him anyway. “He knew.” 

At his words, Brian tensed, his fingers stopping mid-motion as they moved through Justin’s hair. Justin lifted his gaze to Brian’s face, chewing nervously on his bottom lip. There was no way that Brian would believe that his best friend was capable of such malice. Justin hadn’t thought Michael would do anything of the sort either except that he knew he had seen Michael when Damian was forcing him from the diner. 

“I’ll deal with Mikey later,” Brian murmured into his bright hair. “I just care about you, Justin. This shit ends today once and for all. I promise.” 

Justin heard the conviction in Brian’s voice. He could also hear the guilt. A burden Brian did not deserve to bear. What had happened had absolutely nothing to do with Brian. It had started long before Justin had even met him. Six long, horrible months that Brian knew nothing about. Only the vaguest of descriptions that Justin could force himself to speak of. The rest visited Justin only in his nightmares when he couldn’t hide from his memories. 

“Doesn’t matter,” Justin said quietly, his forehead pressed against the curve of Brian’s throat. 

“Yes, it does,” Brian insisted vehemently. “You matter. More than you give yourself credit for. Don’t you ever doubt that. Hear me?” 

Loud, hitching sobs welling deep within his chest, Justin could only nod his head. The momentary numbness he had felt was quickly dissipating, letting the fear come back in full force. And despite all of his desperate attempts, he couldn’t stall it or coax it away. 

“I hope you don’t have anything planned for Thanksgiving weekend,” Brian said softly in Justin’s ear, “because you and I are going to disappear for those four days. We’re gonna head off to some unknown location and say farewell to life in the Pitts for the long weekend. Just you and me. I think we need it.” 

Justin tuned out everything around him except for the sound of Brian’s voice and the feel of his hands which were smoothing through his hair and along his neck and shoulders. As long as he kept his mind focused on Brian, Justin could quell his fears at least somewhat. At the very least, Brian’s presence helped to push recent memories of Damian away. Far enough away so that he didn’t feel as though he were drowning. 

Until, for the second time in under a week, a nurse tried to take him away from Brian. However, unlike the last time, Brian didn’t have Gus with him so instead of putting him in a wheel chair like the nurse wanted, Brian carried Justin back into the exam room. Over Brian’s shoulder, Justin could see Lindsay trailing behind them and talking rapidly into her cell phone. 

“We didn’t call because we weren’t going to wait for an ambulance and there was no way we were going to keep Justin there any longer than necessary.... Then you should have done something to assure that Damian wouldn’t go after Justin,” Lindsay hissed into the phone. “No, I don’t want to wait on hold....” 

“Lindz, you’d better call Deb,” Brian called over his shoulder as they passed through into one of the exam rooms. “But make sure she doesn’t come here. I don’t want a fucking circus. Same goes for the others. No one comes to the hospital or goes to the loft. I mean it.” 

“Brian, you know I can’t--” 

“I mean it, Lindsay,” Brian practically growled at her as he gently set Justin down on the exam table. “I don’t want to see anyone before noon tomorrow.” 

There was a flurry of activity around the room, most of it generated by the next cubicle, but the one constant was Brian standing next to him, the fingers of their right hands entwined. Justin leaned against him, grateful that the fear was once again fading away into nothing. He knew that he was safe and even when the nurse informed them that a doctor would be there momentarily, Justin only flinched slightly, squeezing Brian’s hand for comfort. 

“All right, Janice, what do we--” 

“Fucking bastard!” 

By the time Justin realized that it was Damian who had entered the room, Brian was already chasing after the fleeing doctor. Justin started after Brian automatically, not even realizing what he was doing until Lindsay wrapped her arms around his shoulders, holding him in place. Justin slumped weakly against her, scared for a new reason. Justin was terrified that Damian would use his knife on Brian. That he would hurt Brian. 

Not knowing what was happening outside of the exam room made Justin even more nervous. He could hear what sounded like a fight coming from somewhere in the corridor, but the sounds were all muffled and confused so Justin couldn’t be sure what was going on or whether Brian was hurt or not. 

When Lindsay was momentarily distracted by the noise coming from the hallway, Justin used the time to slip from the bed. He stumbled in the direction of the doorway, holding the blanket around his waist like a makeshift kilt. Lindsay’s hand on his waist stabilized him and he leaned against the door jamb as soon as he was close enough, staring out as the mass confusion in the corridor. 

Then Justin caught sight of the red of Brian’s shirt. Enough people moved so that Justin could see that Brian had Damian pinned against the wall, his forearm pressed against the doctor’s throat, cutting off his airflow. Security guards and police officers were attempting to pull the two men apart, but Brian wouldn’t budge. 

“Brian....” Justin called, his voice cracking and sounding almost non-existent compared to the chaos taking place only ten feet away from him. 

It was loud enough, though. 

Brian’s head turned in his direction, his wild, hazel eyes locking onto Justin’s own. He ignored Damian completely, allowing the law enforcement officers to arrest the vicious doctor, as he made his way towards Justin with a purposefulness that had Justin going to meet him. 

Justin released a breath he hadn’t been aware of holding when he felt Brian’s arms come around him again. He wanted to return the embrace, but his right hand was holding the blanket secure around his waist and his left arm ached too much to twitch more than a single finger. 

So instead Justin did the best that he could which was lean against Brian’s chest, nuzzling the underside of his jaw with his nose and lips. 

“He’s not going to get near you again, Justin,” Brian promised, his lips brushing against Justin’s ear as he spoke. “It’s almost over, Sunshine. All we’ve gotta do is get home and it’s done.” 

It wasn’t over, not by a longshot. 

But when Brian said it, Justin could believe him.


	19. Subdued Sunshine

It happened a lot later than he had expected. When he had parted ways with Lindsay the night before, only after first gaining her promise that she would keep the others away until the next day, he had expected the entire gang to show up at the crack of dawn. Brian was surprised that they had held out until noon even though, with the exception of Lindsay, they all should have been at either work or school. 

Regretfully leaving a slumbering Justin alone on the bed, Brian trudged towards the front door. He silently willed whoever was on the other side of the door to quit knocking so loudly because he didn’t want them to wake Justin up. The kid had been plagued by nightmares throughout the night and had probably only gotten a few hours of sleep despite having been in bed for over sixteen hours. The previous night had been emotionally exhausting for the teen and Brian knew that he would be spending the entire day in bed. 

“How’s Justin?” were the first words out of Lindsay’s mouth when Brian opened the heavy metal door. 

Brian gave her a grateful smile before turning and heading back into the loft. “He’s sleeping so I want you guys to keep it down. It’s been a rough night.” 

“Poor Sunshine,” Debbie lamented. “The kid’s had a rough time of it this year. Hopefully with that bastard in jail he’ll have a better chance of it.” 

Brian wanted to remind her that Damian had been in jail until only hours before kidnapping Justin. He kept silent, though, wanting to believe that this time Justin would be safe from the doctor. 

“We picked you guys up some groceries so you don’t have to survive on take-out all week,” Emmett said, joining Brian who was already in the kitchen. 

Sally was carrying another bag and picked up where Emmett left off. “And since we know you don’t cook we got only the basics... plus a little comfort food.” 

Brian managed a slight grin when he saw the package of Oreo cookies Sally was holding up. It was so secret that Justin was addicted to that particular brand of cookie. Upending a bottle of water into his mouth, Brian turned to face the crowd inhabiting his loft. 

And promptly dropped the bottle when he caught sight of one person in particular. 

“You little prick,” Brian hissed, stalking towards the couch where Michael stood. 

Everyone stood, completely stunned, as Brian made a beeline for his one-time best friend, sending him reeling against the back of the couch with a solid punch to his jaw. At that moment, Brian wasn’t sure whether he hated Damian or Michael more. In his mind, both men were responsible for what had happened to Justin the night before. Damian may have been the one to physically hurt him, but Michael was the one who let it happen. 

“I’m gonna fucking kill you!” Brian shouted, shoving Michael over the couch and into the table on the other side. Brian started to climb over the couch to get to Michael, but was prevented by several pairs of hands grabbing onto him, pulling him backwards. 

“Brian, stop it! This isn’t helping anything!” Lindsay shouted from somewhere behind him. 

“It’s his fucking fault!” Brian insisted, making a lunge for Michael despite the hands holding him stationary. “He let Damian take Justin!” 

“I didn’t know,” Michael defended himself, wiping a smear of blood from the corner of his mouth as he rose to his feet. 

“The fuck you didn’t,” Brian growled, trying once again to get to the other man. Realizing that whoever was holding him wasn’t going to let go anytime soon, Brian stopped struggling. “After what happened last time I made sure each and every one of you knew not to let Damian anywhere near Justin. And you stood in that exact same spot less than a week ago and swore-- you fucking swore to me, Mikey --that you wouldn’t let that asshole touch Justin.” 

“How about we concentrate on the positive,” Debbie tried as she moved to stand halfway between Brian and Michael. “Sunshine is going to be fine. The bastard didn’t get a chance to hurt him.” 

Brian laughed bitterly, his eyes trained on Michael even as he spoke to all of them. “You have no fucking idea! None of you have any clue what that bastard did to Justin. He hurt Justin in a way that nobody deserves to be hurt and Mikey fucking let him walk out of the diner with Justin. Didn’t do anything about it and probably didn’t even fucking notice how scared he was. Or did you just not care? Is that it, Mikey? You didn’t give a fuck what happened to Justin so long as he was gone.” 

Pissed as he was, Brian was silently praying that Michael would say something to prove him wrong. That maybe Justin had been so freaked out by what happened that he aimed his silent pleas for help at someone other than Michael. It was possible and Brian desperately wanted it to be the truth. He didn’t want to even consider the fact that his best friend could be so cruel. 

“He looked pretty damn happy from where I was standing,” Michael spat out. “You should have seen the huge smile on his face when Damian pressed up against him. I figured he just didn’t want me to tell you he’d left with him.” 

“Justin thought it was me,” Brian revealed, his voice not much higher than a whisper. He knew exactly what smile Michael was talking about and it killed him to imagine the way Justin’s mega-watt smile would have so quickly been erased. “When Damian first leaned up behind him, Justin thought that it was me. That’s why he was smiling.” 

“And how do you know?” Michael demanded, turning into the aggressor now that Brian had momentarily faltered. 

“Because Justin told me.” 

For the life of him, Brian couldn’t figure out how Michael thought he was entitled to be angry at that statement. “So you’re going to believe some little blonde twink you’ve known for barely two months over me? Your best friend? Do you have any idea how fucked that is, Brian?” 

“Why should I believe you, Michael?” Brian demanded, flinging his arms to the side. The others had let him go when he had calmed down a few moments before and his movements were completely free. “Give me one reason why I should believe you.” 

“How about the fact that I’m your best friend?” Michael suggested viciously. 

Brian rolled his eyes, spearing his fingers into his hair in order to resist the urge to inflict further damage on Michael. “If that were true you wouldn’t have let that bastard leave with Justin. You would have seen that Justin was fucking terrified out of his mind and helped him. You would have done anything but what you did....” Brian paused in the middle of his tirade, a sudden thought occurring to him. “Justin was already gone when you called me yesterday. Fuck! You were trying to get me to go out to Woody’s when--” 

“Brian!” Sally shouted, her voice coming from near the bedroom. 

Turning his head, Brian first caught sight of Sally hovering on the top step of the staircase. She was crouched next to Justin who was seated, curled in on himself with his knees drawn up to his chest. Michael forgotten, Brian rushed towards Justin, wanting to erase the fear that he saw on the blonde’s features and trembling body. 

“Hey. What are you doing out of bed?” Brian asked softly as he pulled Justin into his arms. 

Justin didn’t say anything. Instead he wound his arms around Brian’s neck, his knees falling to the side so that Brian could lean in closer. Brian knelt a step below Justin, hugging the teen tight against him as he pressed soft, tender kisses against his bare shoulder and the side of his face. 

Ducking his head down, Brian rested his forehead against Justin’s, forcing the smaller man to meet his eyes. When he saw the tears sliding down his cheeks, Brian lightly kissed them away, smiling slightly as he felt Justin nuzzling against the side of his face. 

“Everyone out,” Brian ordered, momentarily glancing over his shoulder before turning his full attention back to Justin. 

After what had just taken place, no one protested Brian’s command. He could hear their footsteps heading in the direction of the door, a few hissed demands directed in Michael’s direction. Sally gave Justin’s a quick squeeze, telling him to call her whenever. Justin gave a slight nod to acknowledge her request, but his eyes never left Brian’s. 

“And I expect your key to be left on the counter, Michael.” 

“Brian, you can’t--” 

“You don’t deserve it anymore. Leave it, Michael,” Brian growled, casting one final glare at his former best friend. 

When the loft door slammed shut, Justin released a quiet breath, a tension that Brian had been all too aware of seeping from his shoulders. 

“Sally brought you Oreos,” Brian said as he pulled back slightly. “And since they’ve decided that we can’t cook to safe our lives, the fridge has been stocked full of easy-to-make meals so we don’t live on take out.” 

Justin rose slowly to his feet with Brian’s help and allowed himself to be led towards the couch in front of the TV. “But I can cook,” he protested softly, giving him a confused look. 

“I know that and you know that,” Brian agreed, sitting back into one of the corners of the couch. He then reached up and pulled Justin down so that he sat between the ad exec’s spread legs. “But they don’t need to know that.” 

“Don’t want to share my expertise?” Justin managed to get out around a yawn. 

“No I don’t.” 

Remembering that Justin’s “Yellow Submarine” tape, which he and Sally had happened upon in a second hand store a few weeks back , was still in the VCR from when they had watched it on Saturday, Brian cued up the tape and settled down for yet another viewing of the Beatles cartoon classic. Brian could still remember how excited Justin had been when he’d found the tape. He had come bounding into the loft, Sally almost seeming sedate in comparison as she followed after him, and went straight for the TV, not even noticing Brian as he stood at the top of the stairs wearing nothing but a fluffy green towel around his waist. Sally was the one who had seen him and explained Justin’s hyperactive state to which Brian could only nod and disappear back into the bedroom to finished getting dressed. 

Justin like the first afternoon, as soon as the music started playing, Justin began to sing along silently with the movie. Halfway through this time, however, he was sound asleep. Brian was tempted to shut the movie off and watch CNN or something that wasn’t a cartoon, but ended up leaving it on. He hoped that Justin would sleep through the rest of it, but in case he didn’t, it would be there for him to take up watching again. Justin probably wouldn’t even notice that he had missed any of the movie. 

Having slept even less than Justin over the past twenty-four hours, Brian found himself having a difficult time keeping his eyes open. Soon he was yawning and faded into Morpheus’ hold less than ten minutes after Justin had. Brian wrapped himself around Justin, holding him as close as possible as he drifted off to sleep, hoping that he could make his lover feel safe in his dreams and that his nightmares wouldn’t be that bad. 

Brian felt as though his heart was being ripped out by its roots. Justin was tied down, helpless, a large, dark figure looming over him. Justin begged and pleaded for Brian to help him, to save him, but no matter how hard he struggled, Brian couldn’t move. He could only watch, horrified, as the dark shape moved closer and closer to Justin, enveloping him. 

“Brian, please....” Justin moaned, his wild, terrified eyes locking onto Brian’s. 

“No! Justin!” Brian screamed as the darkness surrounded Justin, sucking him in. “JUSTIN!” 

This time Justin’s voice was much more frantic as he called for Brian, pleading for help. For him to do something. Anything. “Brian.... Brian....” 

“Brian!” 

Brian jerked awake as Justin’s voice tore into his subconscious. He lay perfectly still for a moment, gaining his bearings then glanced down at Justin’s upturned face which rested against his shoulder. It took a full minute for him to get his breathing under control, during which time he kept his face pressed against Justin’s hair. 

“Movie’s over,” Justin announced, not commenting on Brian’s obvious nightmare. 

“So it is,” Brian agreed around an exhausted yawn. “You hungry?” 

Justin considered Brian’s question for a few moments before shaking his head. “What I really want is just to sit in a huge bathtub and not get out until I’m a wrinkled prune.” He heaved a great sigh at that. “Only that’s not an option here so I’ll make due with a shower. Which will be just as good so long as you join me.” 

“Watch your movie again. You slept through most of it,” Brian said as he eased his way out from behind Justin. 

As Brian started to move away from the couch, Justin’s eyes became very panicked. He immediately reached for Brian, grabbing onto the hem of his black tank. “Where are you.... Bri, please don’t....” 

Leaning over the back of the couch, Brian pressed a kiss to Justin’s trembling lips. “I’m just going into the bedroom for a minute. I’ll be right back. Promise.” 

Justin seemed unsure at first, but nodded his head nonetheless. It seemed to take a great effort for Justin to will his fingers to release Brian’s shirt. He did, though, and Brian rewarded him with another kiss, this one more lingering than the first. When he stood back up, Justin had a tiny smile tilting up the corners of his mouth. 

“I’ll be right back, Sunshine,” Brian promised before bounding up into the bedroom. 

A quick call to Cynthia at the office had everything all arranged. And one hour later, Brian and Justin sat reclined in a whirling jacuzzi in a glorious suite downtown. 

“I told you that I would have been just as happy having a shower,” Justin informed him, his head resting back against the curve of Brian’s shoulder. “You really didn’t have to do this.” 

“I figured we could do with the change in scenery,” Brian shrugged, tilting his head and lightly kissing the corner of Justin’s jaw. “And you can order as much food as you want, but I draw the line at staying in here till I start to prune. I don’t do wrinkles, even the temporary kind.” 

As he said the words, though, Brian knew that he would stay in there as long as Justin wanted him to. It was the first time he’d really seen Justin at peace since the night before and he wasn’t going to take that away from him. 

Laying his chin down on Justin’s shoulder, Brian stared across the expanse of the bubbling water. While the rest of their bodies were made invisible by the churning water, he could see the tip of Justin’s big toe poking out of the water in the middle of the jacuzzi. With a nudge from Brian’s foot, the other four toes on that foot shot above the surface for a moment before Justin sank his foot back underneath the water, bumping into Brian’s foot on the way down. 

“Aren’t you a little old to be playing footsie?” Justin grinned as Brian’s foot reappeared, tracking the contours of his ankle with his big toe. 

“I don’t play footsie,” Brian informed him, the fingers of his left hand running up and down Justin’s side while he right one rested atop Justin’s on his right thigh. 

Justin giggled quietly. “So what do you call what you’re doing?” 

“My feet are getting jealous,” Brian murmured in his ear as he moved his other foot behind Justin’s running the ball of his foot up and down Justin’s heel. “‘Cause I get to touch you with just about every other part of my body on a regular basis except for my feet. So they decided that it was time they got in on the action.” 

“They’re jealous?” the blonde echoed, his hand squeezing Brian’s thigh. 

“Extremely.” 

Justin fell silent then, his body lax in Brian’s arms. He skimmed the surface of the water with his left hand, his fingers dancing over waves like miniature surfers. Brian watched the graceful flow of his fingers over the heated water. The absent movements were just as beautiful as the more precise ones he used when creating his art. 

“You are the most beautiful person I know,” Brian whispered against Justin’s shoulder.


	20. Subdued Sunshine

For the past twenty minutes, he had been sitting at the foot of the bed watching Brian as he slept. He was tempted to get his out one of his sketchbooks for yet another portrait of a slumbering Brian. In the sixty-five days he had been living with Brian, Justin had a grand total of forty-four drawings of the other man as he slept. Sally was convinced that he had enough pictures to do an entire show with pictures of Brian alone. 

And while normally he would have taken the opportunity to draw Brian once again, this time he didn’t. He had a couple sketchbooks in his backpack on the other side of the room, but he left them there. All that Justin really wanted to do was sit there silently and watch Brian. It was calming to him. Like yoga was for Sally or running on the treadmill for Brian... at least when his discman worked. 

“I don’t hear the ominous sound of pencil on paper,” Brian mumbled without opening his eyes. “Do I dare hope that I have escaped being drawn yet again? Or have you just taken a break to survey the subject?” 

Justin lightly kicked at the sole of Brian’s foot, a lop-sided grin on his face. “Just admiring the view.” 

“This any better?” Brian asked, pulling the blanket away so that he was completely exposed to his gaze. 

Hesitating for a moment, Justin glanced down at his hands, fumbling them slightly. “I um.... I don’t think I ever really thanked you-- properly --for saving me,” he said at last, focusing his gaze on the empty pillow next to Brian’s head rather than on the man himself. 

The bed shifted then Brian was sitting up next to him, still far enough out of his sight so that Justin could only see him in her peripheral vision. He was looking straight ahead at the opposite wall, his mouth hanging a little slack just like it always did when he was deep in thought. Not enough to make Brian look like a slack jawed yokel. More like he was trying to absorb the entire situation into himself. 

“You know that you don’t have to thank me,” Brian said at last, turning his head towards Justin. His hand naturally found its way to his shin, lightly squeezing. “There was nothing else I could do. I wasn’t going to let that bastard hurt you again.” 

“And he didn’t. Because of you,” Justin murmured, finally lifting his gaze to Brian’s. “I had never been so glad to hear someone’s voice as I was yours. I was so scared when I heard that door open. Then you shouted my name and... and I knew it was over.” 

“It shouldn’t have even happened in the first place,” Brian lamented, his hand moving up to cup Justin’s cheek. 

Justin shrugged slightly, his eyes never wavering from Brian’s. “As much as I know you’d like to, you can’t control everything. Some things just happen whether you want them to or not. This was just one of those things.... Like you being in the backroom that night. No one else even looked up. You were the first person to ever look up and give a shit. I like to think there was a reason for that.” 

“I gave a shit because it was you,” Brian revealed, guiding Justin’s head towards his and dropped his forehead against the teen’s. “I love you.” 

“But you didn’t then,” Justin protested. “You didn’t even know me. I was just some blonde twink to you then.” 

Brian seemed about to argue Justin’s claim, but gave up that attempted when Justin placed a thumb over his lips, silencing him. Momentarily. As soon as he dropped his hand down, Justin knew that Brian would refute what Justin had said. 

“You need to sleep, Justin,” Brian said, surprising Justin by dropping the argument. “You’re exhausted.” 

Knowing that Brian was right, Justin allowed himself to be pulled back towards the head of the bed and the pillow that he had abandoned just under half an hour before. He hadn’t even realized how exhausted he was until Brian pointed it out to him. Justin hadn’t been sleeping very well for the past two nights, not even when he was wrapped up in Brian’s arms. 

It was safer for him to stay awake anyway. When he was awake, he didn’t have to worry about any nightmares sneaking up on him. Awake he could force the memories away by thinking of something else or distracting himself, but when he slept he was defenseless. He couldn’t stop the nightmares from coming when he was asleep, but maybe this time around he could sleep for more than an hour. 

Which proved to be the case when he awoke hours later with the sun steaming in through the windows at the hotel suite. He was still wrapped up in Brian’s arms, his steady breathing warm against the back of his neck. 

Justin laid there silently, enjoying the feel of Brian pressed up against him in a full body hug. Swallowing a yawn, Justin reached a hand back to rest on Brian’s hip, snuggling even closer. Other than that, though, Justin didn’t move. He remained perfectly still, allowing his psyche to absorb that peace and stillness in the room. If his breathing was any indication, Brian was still sound asleep. Which wasn’t very surprising as far as Justin was concerned. He knew that Brian had probably slept even less than him since it had happened. Justin felt incredibly guilty about the way he was interfering in Brian’s life. 

Brian moaned in his sleep, hugging Justin even tighter. 

It amazed him to no end that Brian could actually love him. Justin was nothing but trouble for him and still Brian hadn’t kicked him out. Anyone else would had forced him out of their lives. Then he would have been back with Damian. 

Where he belonged. 

Sliding carefully out of Brian’s arms, Justin made his way towards the massive French doors that led out to a large balcony. He paused midway to grab hold of the hotel-issue white terry cloth robe and carefully slipped it on, tying the sash loosely around his waist as he stepped out onto the sundrenched balcony. 

It was still early enough so that most of the city was still asleep, leaving the streets below in almost total silence. Justin stood at the railing, resting his forearms on top of it, his hands clasped together as he surveyed the sleepy streets below. A few early morning joggers, the odd car passing through the empty streets. The only real activity seemed to be focused around the hospital which Justin could just barely make out between the other buildings. An ambulance was sneaking in without its sirens on while another one took off in the opposite direction, to a location Justin couldn’t see. 

And to his left, peeking out behind a shorter building, he could see Damian’s condo. Even the balcony where he had spent so much of his time when he had stayed with the doctor. Justin’s entire body froze as his mind processed what it was that he was looking at. Just beyond the entrance that led into the condo was another doorway which blocked the entrance to the infamous playroom. 

As Justin tore his eyes away from the condo, his gaze landed on his wrists which were visible above the cuffs of the robe. So were the bruises on his wrists were a result of his frantic escape attempts two nights before. The purplish stripes stood out in stark contrast to his pale skin. He shuddered at the sight of them and quickly tugged the sleeves further down his arms, hiding them from view. 

Justin remained on the balcony for a few more minutes before heading back into the suite where Brian slept on, unaware that he had been missing. Justin was tempted to disappear once and for all. It would be better for Brian if he did. His life could get back to normal if Justin wasn’t there. Brian wouldn’t have to worry about him and could focus his attention where it belonged. On Gus and Lindsay and the rest of the people who really mattered to him. Justin had only been around for about two months and it would be easy for him to disappear from their lives. In no time at all they probably wouldn’t even remember him. 

Even knowing that leaving was the best thing for him to do, Justin found himself glued to the spot, his eyes never leaving Brian’s slumbering form, naked except for the green sheet which covered him in places. He couldn’t take his eyes off the other man. Couldn’t walk out of the room. If he were to actually walk away, leaving Brian sleeping unawares, Justin knew that it would break his heart. He would be walking away, not only from Brian, but from the group of people he had come to consider his family. 

It was for the best, though. 

Justin had enough money saved up so that he could buy a bus ticket out of town and start over somewhere else. He would disappear from Pittsburgh and they wouldn’t have to worry about him ever again. Maybe he would head up to New York and become a go-go boy. Justin was sure that he could eke out an existence that way. And in New York, no one would be able to find him even if they bothered to come looking. 

But it would still require him actually being able to leave the hotel suite before Brian woke up, something which Justin was finding impossible to do. 

Kneeling down next to the bed, Justin stared at Brian, lightly reaching across the bed to smooth down a stray lock of Brian’s hair which was sticking up. “I love you, Brian,” Justin murmured, his fingers lingering in Brian’s hair. 

“Love you too....” Brian mumbled, still mostly asleep. 

If he was going to leave, it would have to be soon. It wouldn’t be long before Brian woke up and once he was awake, Justin knew that he wouldn’t be able to leave. That was just an excuse. If he was being truly honest, Justin knew that he couldn’t leave Brian. Not willingly. 

Justin rose slowly to his feet, allowing the robe to slide from his shoulders and to the floor so that he was naked as he headed out into the main room of the suite. He went directly to the suite’s stereo system, scanning their CD selection for something to listen to. Most of the titles he’d never heard of before and some of them he couldn’t pronounce. One in particular caught his attention and even though he was pretty sure he’d end up listening to some shrieking sheik, he put it in the player and cued it up. 

The song that started to play was a very haunting one with a woman sings in soft, operatic tones to the equally unobtrusive music. It was incredibly beautiful, quite unlike anything he had ever heard before. 

Justin stood near the large window, slowly swaying back and forth to the music. There was a filmy curtain covering the glass, diffusing the light which poured in through the window, adding to the atmosphere that the music created. 

“And just what are you up to?” Brian asked as he wrapped his arms around Justin’s waist, pulling him into a backwards hug. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” Justin said quietly, leaning back against Brian’s strong chest. “I didn’t wake you, did I?” 

Justin shook his head in a negative fashion, the motion causing his lips to brush lightly over Justin’s shoulder. “My internal alarm clock woke me up.” 

“For work,” Justin concluded naturally. “If you need to be at the office today, you should go. No need to worry about me. I’ll be fine.” 

“You’re not trying to get rid of me, are you?” Brian asked and there was enough of a reflection visible in the window for Justin to see his arched eyebrow. 

Pursing his lips, Justin shook his head, his hands unconsciously finding their way to Brian’s and lightly grasping his forearms. “I want you to stay with me.... I’d like it anyway. But I know you have to get back to work. You’ve only been to work once in the past week and I don’t want you to get into any trouble because of me. I could just take a cab back to the loft or something. I’ll be all right.” 

“If you want me to stay here, I’m going to stay here,” Brian told him in a tone that Justin knew meant no arguing. “Ryder can wait another day or two. You’re more important right now. So how about we go back to bed and catch up on some much needed sleep.” 

Justin resisted when Brian tried to pull him back towards the bedroom. “You go. I think I’ll stay out here and listen to some more of this.” 

“Justin, you need to get some rest before you exhaust yourself,” Brian pressed, his hands never straying from their place around Justin’s waist. 

“I slept,” Justin protested, doing his best to swallow a yawn. “As much as I can, anyway. As much as I probably should. No nightmares that way.” 

Brian turned Justin around so that they were face to face. When Justin wouldn’t meet his eyes, Brian placed a hand under his chin, tilting his head up. “Nightmares only scare you if you let them. You’re stronger than that and even though it might take a little while, it will get better. You’re the strongest person I know. You’ll get past this. And I’ll be there the whole time. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Why?” Justin asked, still honestly confused by Brian’s actions. “Why do you care so much about me? I don’t get it?” 

“Why do you have to get it?” was Brian’s response. “Can’t you just accept it as just being there? No explanations? Some things just don’t have explanations.” 

Justin dropped his forehead against Brian’s chest, not having the energy to question Brian’s motives, but still having to ask, “Would it be easier for you if I left?” 

That got Brian’s attention right away. His hands came up to cup Justin’s cheeks, lifting his head. “No, it wouldn’t be easier for me if you left. I happen to like having you around.” 

“How can you say that when I’ve been nothing but trouble for you?” Justin demanded, feeling tears tingling in the corners of his eyes. “All I ever do is get in the way. Gus could have been seriously hurt because of me and I managed to completely fuck up your friendship with Michael. I should just go and let you get back to your life.” 

Brian lowered his head and pressed his forehead against Justin’s, their eyes locked. “If the only reason you want to disappear is because you think you’ll be doing me a favour, don’t. Gus is perfectly fine. Nothing happened to him. As for Michael, he made his own decisions. Just like I’ve made mine. I’m the one who decided to let you into my life and I don’t regret it for a second. Never have....” Brian trailed off then, exhaling slowly. “But there’s no locks on the doors so if you really want to go, I’m not going to stop you. It’s your life and what you do with it is up to you.” 

“I don’t want to go,” Justin whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut, causing a single tear to slide down his cheek. “I know that I should, but I can’t. I can’t go away.” 

“Then don’t,” Brian told him, shifting his head so that his mouth came in contact with the tear track, kissing the wetness away. “Stay here with me, we’ll figure everything else out.” 

Not trusting his voice at that moment, Justin nodded his head, his arms reaching around Brian’s neck and hugging him tight. Brian returned the embrace just as tightly, one hand snaking into his hair, the other gently massaging the small of his back. Justin tried to press himself as close as possible to Brian as possible. He wanted to feel as much of Brian’s warm skin against his as he could manage and yet still manage to maintain his balance. 

Between them, they managed to accomplish just that. 

Then Brian started to sway slightly in time with the music. Without speaking, he maneuvered the two of them into a formal dancing position, as though they were about to do a waltz. Their movements were unlike any type of formal dance, though. Brian wrapped his right arm around Justin’s waist, holding him tight against his chest with Justin’s left arm was draped across his shoulders. Their free hands were clasped together and resting against Brian’s chest as they shuffled around the floor. 

Brian dropped a kiss onto the top of Justin’s head, hugging him even closer. Then Justin found himself being dipped backwards, help upright by Brian’s strong arms. Long after he had thought Brian would lift him back up, Justin was surprised to feel the taller man placing a series of soft, open-mouthed kisses along the center of his chest towards his stomach. 

Brian repeated the process as he lifted him back upright, catching Justin’s lips in a very passionate kiss once he was within reach. Justin slid his hand from Brian’s shoulders and up into his hair, attempting to pull him even closer. And while they kissed, Brian continued to guide them slowly across the floor, their dance never ending. 

Their bodies moved gracefully across the room, neither one of them speaking. The two of them had danced countless times on the dance floor of Babylon, but there was something incredibly different about this one. The sexuality was present, the same as always, but it was far more sensual than their normal lust-filled dances. And even though his eyes were closed, their lips never having fallen away from each other’s, which meant that he couldn’t see their movements, only feel them, Justin was sure that the dance was just as beautiful in his mind as it would have been were he able to see it as an outside observer. 

But nothing would ever convince Justin to give up his position within Brian’s arms. It was the only place where he felt completely safe. 

Justin couldn’t help but laugh as Brian lifted his feet completely off the ground, spinning them around in circles. 

When Brian set him down, Justin stared up at his lover. The smile on Brian’s face filled him with such confidence that Justin knew everything would be all right. It would take a little while, but Justin knew that he would be able to regain the control that Damian had tried to steal away from him. 

Control that Justin was determined to get back.


End file.
